Friday, November 4, 2011

292- Three Straight Days

Just as predicted, for the past 3 days there has been 1) a ridiculous mountain of candy in the kitchen at work (that seems to replenish itself daily) 2) no less then 2 boxes of donuts in the kitchen, and 3) catered lunch. 
I'll be the first to admit that I've stared at the donuts.  I've lifted the lid to the box and got a wiff of the sweet smell.  I've even picked up some of the Halloween candy chocolate pieces, and ran my fingers through the huge mound just looking at all that was there.  I thought about how I wished I could just grab a donut.  But I know better.  I thought about how good a mini Kit-Kat would taste with my morning coffee.  But I know better.  Insulin does not take any days off.
Today as I was staring at the mound of candy, letting my mind picture myself taking that next step of actually removing a piece from the basket, something weird happened.  I didn't just see myself taking one piece, I saw myself taking THE REST of the mini Kit-Kat's in the basket as well as the Hershey Bar (the rest of the candy was the Halloween dregs, jolly ranchers, twizzlers, etc).  I caught myself mid-thought, and said "yeah. Exactly.  There is no one piece.  You would end up taking 5 Kit-Kats and a Hershey bar, which would be 2.5 REGULAR size Kit-Kats!"
This was so eye opening to me, since I was able to see a few steps farther then just picking up the one Kit-Kat.  Rather then be in a non-present fog of just giving in and rationalizing, I was aware of what would happen next.  I saw myself grabbing all of them, with the panicked thought "there's only a few left!"  When in reality, I counted them and I saw there were 5, far more than a few.  I remembered how easily they would go down.  I remember how easy it was to eat ridiculous amounts of mini-candy bars.  I finished filling up my coffee, put coconut milk creamer in it, and walked out of the kitchen empty handed. 
Was this a near slip-up?  No.  After 70+ days avoiding this stuff has been more of the habit then giving in to it, so its not really a big deal.  Does it wear on me at times?  Absolutely.  I really think that is the issue going on here- its been 3 days of this stuff (4 if you count me handing out candy at Halloween) and I'm sick of being around it.  If its constantly in my face, then I'm looking at it, thinking about it, smelling it, etc. 
I know for me, the best way to be successful is to not be in situations where tempting items are (like an alcoholic avoiding a bar).  I do not walk into cupcake shops or bakeries.  I do not buy treats for the bf deluxe.  I try my best to not make treats for others (birthdays are the exception here), I keep restaurant dining to a minimum.  I do these things to build up my strength.  The longer I stay away, the less appealing they become.  I certainly have enough strength for the occasional circumstance (declining birthday cake at a friends party or whatever) but these next few months are going to be the toughest as I'm constantly bombarded with old familiar haunts.  One thing is now certain to me- 70+ days is clearly not enough time to put all the food crazy behind me.  The crazy is there, and is looking for any excuse to come out. 

1 comment:

  1. I've had a similar problem with junk food in the office for the past week. In particular, there has been a candy bowl full of chocolate. And not just the regular stuff.... the seriously good stuff. I found something that inexplicably works. I go to the bowl and pick out the one I want the most. I take it back to my desk and put it in my drawer. But I don't eat it. It's like by getting it out and claiming it as mine I get to have the 'thrill' of having it, like I want to. But I never actually ate it. I filled a candy bowl at home with the candy I took from work but didn't eat. It's been really inspiring to look at an entire jar of chocolate that I would have eaten but didn't. Again, strange, but it has really saved me this week.