Saturday, October 22, 2011

305- Sixty!

Today is day 60 SIXTY!  Of my 365 day challenge.  Just thought that was worth pointing out.  I do believe that officially, this is my longest stretch of abstaining from sugar, grains, and legumes strictly so far.  Not everyday is easy, but for the most part I'm feeling balanced.   Just yesterday I was having dreamy thoughts of a toasted bagel with cream cheese.  I imagined the crunchy exterior and doughy interior of a nice fresh bagel slathered with cream cheese.  I remembered how I loved those, and could eat 2 maybe 3 in one sitting and still want more.  They just taste so good!  I reminded myself that bagels and cream cheese would not be going anywhere in the next 305 days, and I could certainly have one next August, if I still wanted to, that is.  Now, one day later, I'm like huh?  What was I thinking?  I don't want a stupid fat storing, bloat causing, allergy inducing bagel anywhere near me.  I've tried so hard these past few months ridding my body of that crap, why would I ever want to ruin this feeling?  See?  Balance.
I'm guessing that yesterday is not going to be the last time I have some crazy food day dream about something I once enjoyed frequently, but no longer can or want to.  It seems to be that initially, or each time in the past I have started some form of diet or new eating plan, etc., I can put off limits foods out of my mind just by sheer determination and optimism for my new plan.  The next phase is getting comfortable and allowing thoughts of those foods in, but still following my plan.  The next phase is thinking that I can eat those foods like a person that doesn't have some sort of problem, and the next phase is, well...the initial one because I can not eat certain things like a person that doesn't have an issue with food.
I think the trick is to remain in phase 2 forever.  Letting myself think about foods is fine, remembering how they taste/feel/etc. is fine, but just like anything else, the longer they stay out of my system, the less clear they will become.  Soon the only thoughts that will swirl around in my head will be ones of me finding the optimal pre or post workout fuel, or how sweet broccoli can be.  At least for the next 305 days, I won't be delusional and thinking I am comfortable enough to eat something that controls me.  I know better, but sometimes I need to challenge myself to make sure it happens. 

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