357- Today I Ran

And I didn't die.

A little background here- I sprained my ankle 7.5 weeks ago- bad. About 2 weeks ago I was in the kitchen doing dishes at the sink, and the boyfriend deluxe decided to surprise me. All of a sudden, he popped up in my view out the kitchen window, and held the garden hose through the tiny crack in the window with a threatning "I'm going to spray you" look. Instinctively, I turned, and ran about 2 steps before I remembered my ankle (thanks shooting pain) and proceeded to suck in air through my teeth as the boyfriend deluxe laughed and said "I wasn't really going to spray you, you know."

So I hadn't really tried running since the whole hose incident. I have significantly cut down on my sugar and grain intake since the hose incident (as in, haven't had any except naturally occurring stuff (fruit) and some red velvet cake over a week ago) and it really feels like my ankle has been making progress. I mentioned awhile back that I thought it had stalled out, well, that consequently was when I fell off the wagon and was eating anything and everything. I've also been soaking it in warm salt water the past few nights. Who knows if either of those things are helping, perhaps its just had enough time to get better?

The gym by my work has a three day format- Tuesday/Thursday traditional xfit type workouts, and Wednesdays are strength/mobility days. I haven't attended a Wednesday class yet, so I was excited to check it out today. We started out with a group warm-up, and then before I knew it, I was lunging, side shuffling, and running (yes running) short distances. We then got into the workout which consisted of a whole lot of 10m sprints. I did it! I mean, I wasn't all out full sprinting like pre-ankle injury, but I was doing it pain free.

THIS. IS. SO. EXCITING.

It is possible to miss running! I feel like maybe I can attempt a run/walk this weekend! Hooray!

Oh, and then, when I got home today, I saw this happened while I was at work:

Our first eggs! Finally the ladies have started earning their keep!

358- Paleo is Mainstream

Of course it is, I know about it. Hahahaha. Check this awesomeness out (sorry if you are FB friends with me, you get it twice)

Source

359- Sanyodukousi

My boss comes into my cubicle today, and says "ever hear of Sanyodukousi*?" I turn around from the spreasheet I'm working on and say "um, nope." So he goes on to explain how it some sort of Japanese stretch that aides in weightloss and asthmatics. Then he proceeds to demonstrate how to do the stretch (like he read in the article) and say that in woman, it produced phenomenal weight loss results. Then leaves my cubicle.

There are a couple of different ways I could have taken this:

1) be offended

2) be thankful for the new information

I chose #2. I don't really make my diet/exercise public information here by blabbing about it to everyone and anyone that will listen, but actions always speak louder then words. Afterall, I converted my desk to a standing desk, recently I started leaving for an hour at lunch to go to the gym, and I have been avoiding the catered desserts at work. Again. If that does scream "someone's trying to lose weight!" I don't know what does.

Am I going to spend the time and explain to my boss that I'm not trying to lose weight persay? No. I just found it interesting (and can't blame him) that the assumption was made by him based on my actions. I mean, what would you think if you saw an overweight person working out, drinking water, and eating bacon smeared with guacamole for breakfast?

*I forget the real word, but it started with an "s" and was Japanese.

360- Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget that I am entirely responsible for my own happiness. Its so easy to say, and such a simple concept to understand, yet I find myself having to remind myself of it more then I would like.

Often, when I find myself in a situation where I feel bored or upset or otherwise unhappy, all that is needed is a shift in attitude. If I'm able to isolate the positives in any scenario, stay true to myself, and work hard for the things I want, then there is nothing to be unhappy about (barring extreme circumstances such as cancer, death, etc).

A shift in attitude is a much less destructive choice then eating a second helping or downing a bowl of ice cream.

361- Ankle worries

Gorgeous day here in the northwest. I'm enjoying my weekend home catching up on household tasks after being on the go all last weekend. The mysterious endless hunger seems to have vanished, as its nearly 5pm and I haven't eaten anything besides a handful of nuts since my breakfast.

Today marks 7 weeks since I sprained my ankle, and I'm still not back to 100%. This is unfamiliar territory for me, and I'm not sure if this is just how long it takes, or if I need to be doing more to rehab it. I suppose I could get it checked out by a specialist? I have heard from many sources that sprains are way worse to heal then breaks, but the fact that its still quite swollen and stiff kinda worries me.

I miss running/jumping/having an ankle that isn't stiff and stupid.

362- Eating

Yesterday and today my appetite seems insatiable. I'm sure that its just my body adjusting to getting my energy from fat rather then carbs, but I feel its important to note in case some pattern begins emerging.

I'm kinda bummed to see the number 362 again, its like groundhog day, I felt like I was here a week ago. Oh, wait, I was. I don't even want to do the math to see what day I would be at had it not been for the Red Velvet Cake decision.

We had a catered lunch at work today with an incredibly tempting assorted cookie/bar dessert tray. The kind of dessert tray that in a previous day/month/life I would have gone crazy sampling each different type, and then sampling the ones I really liked over and over until I could no longer justify another bite. Today was different. I looked at the tray, said to myself, "there is nothing on that tray that won't be around in 361 days. I'll eat my strawberries." And that's what I did.

On that note, when did strawberries bought in the supermarket lose their flavor? I can remember being a kid and loving strawberries for the bold, tangy, sweet, deliciously textured taste. Now, they are kinda like watered down strawberry mush. Well, I guess I know what I'll be growing in my yard next year!

363- Partner WOD

Today at CrossFit, we had a partner WOD. I've done a few group/partner WOD's in the past, and let me tell you, this by far was the worst. While one person was completing 5 pull-ups (jumping), 5 push presses (65#), and 5 burpees, the other person was holding a 35# kettlebell in each hand over their chest (in the rack position). Each person had to do 5 rounds.

See, the thing about this workout is that you want your partner to go fast. No matter how fast they are moving, its not fast enough because you are holding 70 pounds over your chest and can't breathe. The kicker? I got the new girl. Not just any new girl, but the new girl that thinks she can do everything.

Before the workout started, we were having some friendly chit-chat, and I could instantly tell she thought she was a bad ass. So we begin. She was starting on the kettlebell hold while I went through the movements. It started out ok. We quickly fell behind the rest of the group, mostly because she was going so damn slow!

We had one full round to complete while everyone was crashed out on the floor making sweat angels. Here is the best part: when we finally finished? She says to me "it was really good to be paired with someone that was going the same speed as me." Oh, no she dint!

I remember what it was like being new to crossfit, and therefore I'll chalk up her snide comment to being ego-crushed and delusional. Besides, it was probably better for me to hold onto some kettlebells for a little extra time anyway. For the next hour after the workout, my arms were pretty much useless.

364- Garden Fresh

The fruits of my labor are finally showing up!



Squash!

Green onions!

It's official, stuff grown in my garden tastes so much better then stuff in the store.

365- Take 2

After yesterday's dinner (and associated dessert) I was conflicted as to what to do. I mean, I made it a whole 8 days without consuming anything that I consider "off limits." No grains, no sugar, nothing processed. I could just gloss over the fact that I had a few bites of cake, and move on. But that is not what I want for myself.

So, I consulted with the boyfriend deluxe. I asked him what he thought I should do. Before really understanding what my issue with sugar and grains is, he said you have to find some way to punish yourself. Punish myself? He wasn't getting it. So I explained that I feel that my issue with some foods (specifically sugar) is like anyone with an addiction. It's not just will power. There is more going on. When it finally clicked for him that I was 1) serious and 2) in need of real support, he said yes, I should come clean and start over.

And that's what I'm doing. And then it just made sense to use this tactic as a way to keep myself on track. This time, its not so bad. I only lost 8 days. Now, lets say I make it to day 50, or 200. Its going to have to take some miracle dessert to get me to start back at day one. Probably one of the best things about this great earth and time we live in is that nearly nothing that presents itself in the next 364 days can't wait to be had later.

That thought even crossed my mind last night as I was waiting for the dessert to show up and going back and forth in my head as to whether or not I was going to have a bite. "This restaurant will be here in a year, I can always come back." But instead, I chose to take a bite. And then another. And another. It was good, definitely not a careless choice, but if I had to do it all over again? I would have declined.

358- not perfect

After my blog post announcing my 365 day challenge with myself, I received a comment from a friend I haven't been able to get out of my head:

"For the diet--You need to do whatever you want to do but expecting perfection for yourself for a year--what if you make it 200 days and eat something with flour? Are you going to feel like shit because you messed up or are you going to feel proud of yourself because you made it 200 days?"

When I first read this, I thought, well, I don't consider giving up sugar and grains for one year as "perfection." I view it more as something that I NEED to do. As I tried to get across by liking my situation to an alcoholic. An alcoholic needs to give up drinking, forever. There is no giving up alcohol for a short amount of time, and then allowing an occasional drink after as if they would be cured of their ability to stop drinking in excess. Stopping the consumption of things that I can't control for one year will be the gateway to giving them up forever.

As for the second part of the comment, I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what I was going to do if I made it 200 days and then ate something with flour/sugar/whatever. Luckily I was faced with this cross roads before day 200, so I now have an answer.

The year starts over.

359- Mt. Rainier

Great day on Mt. Rainier. Except the 14 mosquito bites I received. Exhausted...more later.

360- Deception Pass

Today was by far the nicest day we have had all year. It finally got above 80 degrees in Seattle for more then 78 minutes. I took full advantage of the day and dragged my out of town visitors to some amazing sites. I took pictures with my real camera, so I'll have to share the pictures sometime after I upload them. It really was the quintessential northwest day. We spent time watching people fish on a beach below the Deception Pass Bridge, we rode a ferry through the San Juan Islands, and I think I might have even seen a whale. I most definitely saw a splash.

Rushing around trying to make ferries and show off all the state's gems definitely makes eating clean a challenge. Its not just the challenge of making good choices on the road, its the exhaustion of constantly going going going. I notice my guard is easier let down when I'm drained-mentally and physically.

Maybe that is why I do so well with routines. As long as I have a routine I make good choices. If I know what is coming, then it takes very little mental energy to get through my day. If everything is up in the air, or I feel I'm responsible for people's entertainment, I get so worn out. Today at dinner I did consider ordering my bunless burger with sweet potato fries rather then a salad. Then I thought better of it. I realized I was just tired and wanted to take the easy way out. So I didn't let myself. And you know what happened? I felt GREAT after dinner. Not bogged down with exhaustion, I had energy and food in my belly, and most of all I didn't feel guilty about any of my food choices.

After a day of sunshine, salt-water, and driving, I'm so ready for a good nights sleep. Tomorrow we head to Mt. Rainier. Yay!

361- Relief

I had an awesome chat today with the trainer at my gym. I let him know that I've been checking out a new gym, but I still wanted to keep a relationship with his gym. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that I can use the two gyms to my advantage, as they are different, yet complement each other. For three days a week I can work out on my lunch hour. Maybe another day or two I can make the trip to my original gym.

I was so happy that the talk went as well as it did. I felt a huge sense of relief. The rest of my day was set up to go my way. The thick fog burned off to reveal a perfect 75 degree day. My meal choices were spot on despite 2/3 of them being at restaurants. I spent hours on my feet/walking around. Today was a good day.

362- Vacation!

I'm on vacation for the next four days, and I'm so excited. My dad and sister are in town visiting, so we get to do all the cheesy tourist stuff.

Today I can honestly say I felt amazing. My ankle is feeling better, and I'm not sure if that is because of the no sugar, or if its because I've been going to the gym? Either way, I'll take it.

I know its only been four days, but I feel invincible. I have yet to figure out why every thing suddenly starts going my way when I start eating and exercising the proper way for me. Is it just me, or does 362 sound WAY better then 365?

363- This Again

"Worship your body. There is nothing on this earth you will ever do that does not require its cooperation. Be nice to it. Get it into great shape. Don’t poison it, don’t abuse it, don’t neglect it. An unwillingness to worship your body will undermine any attempt to love yourself. Love it with your actions, or it won’t love you back. If you are rude to it, it will hinder you, embarrass you, and even kill you."

This was posted on a Facebook friends wall. I don't know who said it to give credit to, but I like it.

I've made a few updates to this page. Along the top are a bunch of stand alone pages that serve different functions.

Why I Eat Paleo contains the best description of why I eat Paleo I could find.
Daily Food Logs show what I eat. I try to update it every few days. I started over on Monday (365) so I will have a year of data.

F#@% Scales, My non-scale Progress shows monthly totals of my measurements- calf, thigh, hip, waist, arms.

I've also updated my inspiration blogs as many of my previous favorites have dropped off the face of the blogging earth.

364- Adjusting

I've written before about how I know the exact moment my body flips the switch into ketosis. I've also written how getting there is a bitch. As if the universe had perfect timing, I stumbled across this excellent advice on how to cope with the re-adjustment period between the standard American diet (SAD) and ketosis (aka, my sweet spot):
http://www.proteinpower.com/drmike/ketones-and-ketosis/tips-tricks-for-starting-or-restarting-low-carb-pt-i/

365- Coming Out Swinging!

I always forget that the words I type can be read differently from how I intended. Ok, maybe I don't forget as much as I don't care. Well, that is I don't care until my intentions get misread by someone I do care about. I realized before I started this blog that I was opening myself up to criticism, negative comments, and people disagreeing with me. I realized I may offend people with my language or opinions, but, hey, this is my blog. The only thing I'm trying to do here is figure my shit out. It has nothing to do with you. I have been misread, misunderstood, and misinterpreted. Normally I wouldn't care, but this is one reader in particular I like. If one person misinterpreted my words, that means there is a good chance others did as well. The best way for me to explain how I've got here today is to tell a story. I'm hoping that in someway, I wish it wasn't, but this should be familiar story for everyone, and can maybe shed a little light into what I'm going through.

My uncle Bob is an alcoholic. He's been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. I'm sure it started out innocently enough, when he was in college. All his friends couldn't help but notice he would always drink a little too much, but it was funny. He did funny things, like the time he peed on a fire hydrant and got chased by a dog. Hilarious. He would pass out cold and everyone would draw on him. Oh, how funny he was. At family functions Bob would get loaded and make huge scenes- that's how I know stories from his college days, they come up every year. At some point, his drinking was no longer funny, and the realization he had a problem was apparent. Family members tried restricting the amount of alcohol they kept on hand, and at family functions. This only forced Bob to be more sneaky in his ways. No one could trick him! No one could come between him and his favorite drink. He would spend all day thinking about it, his escape. He probably didn't realize that he drank to forget any feelings of how much he hated drinking.

No one knew that he was aware, he always seemed so out of it. I mean, if he was aware, he's stop, right? He hated alcohol and the control it had on him. He tried many times on his own to stop drinking. He would be successful for weeks or even months at a time, and then, after the confidence boost of being drink free for months, he would take a drink. That one drink would send him barreling down a familiar path. One drink one day would turn into 12 drinks the next. After years and numerous attempts, everyone in the family had heard it before. "No, this time its for real." What was going to make this time different from the last time? Why couldn't he just stop drinking? I can stop after one beer, why can't he?!

Now, replace my uncle Bob with me, and replace alcohol with food (sugar). I know its not quite the same, as alcohol is the only withdrawal one can die from, but the thoughts, feelings, and actions of someone that is addicted to a substance are very similar. I know why Bob can't stop after one beer.

That being said, I'm going to lay even more out there so you can see how I work. I'm sneaky. I'm smart. I've spent years and years tricking myself into giving myself everything that I've wanted food wise- the past year not being too much of an exception. If you've been reading awhile, you might be able to tell the exact point I stalled out- when I started allowing "cheat days." The ways that I go about eating are not healthy (part mental, part biological)- unless I've totally detoxed from sugar and processed foods. My thoughts and actions regarding food are not shared by a person that has never struggled with weight, but I bet many overweight people know exactly what I'm talking about when I say my thoughts regarding food are not normal.

If I had the ability to eat what I was supposed to eat and in the portions I am supposed to eat them the majority of the time, I would not be typing this blog. I would have never bothered to learn so much about food, calories, exercise, etc. If I had to the ability to consume sugar in a way that wasn't harmful, I would never have discovered a paleo diet or crossfit. If I had the ability to stop abusing myself because the high of eating something was not as great as the logic of it being bad for me, I would not need to stop eating sugar/processed foods. If I could do everything I needed to do without accountabilty or not being under the false pretense of a challenge, then I would not need to give myself a 365 day challenge.

I would like to extend an apology to the folks that are in the diet/nutrition industry. I do not discount your years of education, or your honest intentions. However, what I do ask is that if/when you educate people on diet/health you site things that have been actually backed up by real scientific data (like this), and not just hypothesis (ahem- the great lipid hypothesis).

Burying the Hat(cupcake)chet

Things I've learned about me:
- I need rules and structure
- My body has a severe sensitivity to carbohydrates/sugar
- I am addicted to sugar
- I like science/data/experiments
- I am capable of breaking my addiction
- I feel amazing when I avoid sugar and grains
- I am strong and can do anything I put my mind to
- I need to realize that people make huge sacrifices everyday, and me not being able to sugar and grains no huge sacrifice (comparatively)
- One year is not a long period of time

Do you see where this is going yet?

Oh, yes. I am embarking on a 365 day challenge with myself. 365 days of eating real food. 365 days of checking in here. 365 days of taking fish oil and vitamin D. 365 days of fighting the current "recommendations" of "health professionals." 365 days of putting coconut milk in my coffee. 365 days of glorious freedom from allergies. 365 days of smugness. Why? Because 30 day challenges are for pussies. I've already done a few 30 day challenges. I've done a 7 week challenge. One year is not that long.

Starting tomorrow, 8/15/11, and ending 8/15/12, I promise a daily update. It may not be long or even coherent, but I will post SOMETHING. There will be no posts justifying me eating crap, or about me "getting back at it." Its only one year. When/if things get hard, I will remind myself that I'm not doing anything heroic or even hard. Its just food, and its just one year.

Quality of Life

There is a sort of social stigma that goes along with doing good things for your body. Ever been at a birthday party and refused a piece of cake? Ever been to a bar and ordered a water? Ever gone out to lunch with a group of co-workers and ordered a salad with dressing on the side?

We are always forced to justify our healthy choices to the people making bad choices. Our choices become the distraction from their guilt. I'm some how less cool because I'm not drinking a beer, eating a piece of cake, or chowing down on a hamburger and fries at lunch. Eh, and in someways it is boring. It isn't cool or fun, but its necessary.

The genius' over at Whole9 developed this handy tool for us Paleo folk to keep out sanity. Behold the Healthy vs. Fuck Off graphic:

Some things are even though they are not my favorite, are too healthy to ignore- spinach, fish oil, and chicken breast. Some things have minimal nutrition, but I like them, so occasionally I make an exception- peas, corn, peanut butter, bacon, and high fat, low processed dairy. Lastly, some things have detrimental effects to my body, by spiking my blood sugar and consequently releasing too much insulin, but are too good for me to cut out altogether.

So yes, as much as it makes me feel superior to turn down birthday cake, order hamburgers sans buns, and pass up beer at bbq's, I'm human and occasionally, I'm going to tell something healthy to fuck off for some chocolate.

My Cheatin' Heart...

I've been eyeing you for a few months now, you most likely have no idea who I am, or even that I've noticed you. Such is the world we live in these days, I Googled you before approaching. For whatever reason, yesterday was the day I decided to introduce myself.

Butterflies in my stomach, I walked up and decided to get a better look. Just being so close to you felt wrong, but if you are better for me, then it can't be bad? Being near you felt familiar, yet different all at once. I instantly began picturing us spending time together. Things we would do, how you would challenge me, how great I would feel after time spent together.

I wanted to keep the encounter brief. I didn't want to look crazy or needy, or any other ways weird. Walking away, I had a big smile on my face as the rush of doing something secret and bold moved through me. I barely heard you say "see you tomorrow" as I was already lost in the mental scheming of our date- I could sneak away on my lunch break, easily for an hour.

I awoke this morning with so much excitement, I nearly bolted out of bed. I put special attention into my wardrobe choice, I wanted to be wearing things I could easily take off and then put back on, no fussy items like belts or button up shirts. I packed my lunch because I would be eating after seriously working up my appetite during my lunch date.

At noon as everyone my office was bellying up to the catered sandwich bar, I snuck into the bathroom to prepare for my lunch time adventure. I checked to make sure my attire was appropriate, and really started to get excited that I was actually about to do this! I now see why people cheat on their lovers, being sneaky has an odd appeal. Even if no one cares what I'm up to, I know what I'm up to, and that its exhilarating in a way.

I thought about my current situation. Was I about to change my life/routine? Possibly. Would there be hurt feelings? Maybe. Would life go on? Absolutely.

I got into my car and drove approximately 6 blocks. I didn't really know what to expect. I mean, I had a pretty good idea about how somethings were going to happen, but the details in between were fuzzy. I walked in the large open door and smelled a familiar smell...rubber and sweat and metal and determination. Generally all CrossFit gyms have a similar type of set up. SoDo CrossFit is no different. A wall of pull up bars, boxes to jump on, stacks of weight plates, friendly, fit, eager, trainers.

After quick introductions, we got right into it. A group warm-up, and then brief instruction on the movements. I'm still not back to full mobility, so the trainer and I discussed how I could modify the workout today. I was pretty excited. I felt comfortable. I drove 6 blocks to attend this class on my lunch break! I could drive directly home after work knowing I already got my workout in for the day! I'm going to save ridiculous amounts of money on gas!

This might be a little dramatic, but potentially joining a different CrossFit gym is kinda like a break up. I absolutely LOVE the gym I go to now. I love the people (and please if any of you CF Mukers are reading, don't say anything yet, I'd like Jdog to hear it from me), the trainer, everything. Its the gym that introduced me to this awesome world of fitness. It will always hold a special place in my heart. But I think one of the worst things a person can do is not recognize when its time to move on. In any aspect of life. I think my ankle injury has given me the nudge/wake up call/whatever you want to call it to allow me to see that there might be better things out there for me. And really, its not the gym, its me.

This new gym is also a sports rehabilitation center with onsite active release professionals and an acupuncturist. I feel like my noticing of this building was no mistake. Oh, and did I mention that it is 6 blocks from my work and I can go during lunch?

Just one of the many changes to come to this blog over the next few days. Stay tuned for my Healthy vs. Fuck Off Graphic.

Change. Again.

Lately, this blog hasn't been working for me, as you might have guessed by the lack of action.  Let me clarify what I mean by "working for me."  When I started to write here back in December 2009, I had a broad goal of "health."  Of course, this ideally meant weightloss, and wearing cute clothes, and being able to run races effortlessly, etc.  I figured with a sort of public forum, I would be held more accountable for my actions.  By typing things out, I figured I would have a record to go back and look through, and I would have support of an entire blogging community doing the same.  That is exactly what I had when I started this, and it was working for me. 
 
Until...it wasn't.  I'm not sure when it occurred, or even if there was a specific time, but I started to get annoyed with other blog posts (bloggers I read religiously, and once got inspired from).  I wasn't reading what I wanted or felt I needed to be reading.  I began to get sarcastic and negative, and wish the bloggers with success start failing, and "predicted" the ones struggling would continue to struggle.  This shift has absolutely nothing to do with the bloggers, as they are just doing what they have always been doing.  The shift was inside of ME.  I had the problem, and was projecting it out as I read through the posts. 
 
It took me a few weeks of introspection to realize I can not continue to hope for others to inspire me, or spark me into writing a long, thoughtful post.  I can not get mad at others for cheating and gaining a few pounds and then blogging about it.  If I wanted a blog to inspire me, it had to be my own.  I have to be the change I want to see.  
 
Whoa, whoa, wait.  Slow down a minute.  Did I just type that out loud?  I have to be the change I want to see?  Well, that means I can't blame anyone for not achieving my goals.  I can't blame anyone for the bowl of ice cream I had after dinner.  I can't blame anyone for not giving it my all at the gym.  These thoughts combined with the realization that I have been "paleo" for over a year now, and I haven't been practicing what I preach.  How can I talk to new people that come into the gym about a Paleo diet, when I am not the most stellar example?  I can't.  Until I am. 
 
Enter change.  I'm going to make this blog work for me in the ways that its proven itself to be successful in the past.  It does hold me accountable.  It is a great place to keep data for me to go back and look through, and most of all, it does give me inspiration when I look back to some of my triumphant posts detailing new accomplishments.  I know what I need to do, and now I just need to do it.  So, in the next week or so, keep your eye out for changes to come.  Just as we grow and evolve though life, this blog must evolve as well, or face extinction.