I set some pretty lofty goals for myself for the next two months (February, March). My goal is to lose 12 pounds this month, and 13 pounds next month. Being 25 pounds lighter then where I'm at now is comfortable. I've been there many times before, and lost weight many times from that benchmark. 25 pounds lighter is my previous high weight. It's the weight I began at before I lost a lot of weight in college. Its the weight I would always return to when my health kicks were over my first five years living in Seattle. This week, I feel like I'm falling behind a little, and as a result, going to make my February goal harder to meet.
There are little signs of improvement all around that I must acknowledge, and force myself to remember that I'm in this forever. It is not only about weight loss, I do not have to meet any arbitrary goals I set, as long as I continue to stay true to what I know my body needs.
Today I woke up and went to the gym, even though its my normal day off, and my boyfriend does not need a ride to school. I went to the gym because I missed on Wednesday. I only did 30 minutes on the eliptical, but I made sure to make it worth it. I stopped at 30 minutes because I want to give my muscles some recovery time from yesterday's treadmill domination. I brought my lunch today, as I do everyday, but I did not eat it. I went to Trader Joes, and got my favorite salad and some delicious wheat bread and hummus. I probably ate more then I should have. Because I went to Trader Joes, I told myself I could not go for a walk as well. As I sat alternating stares between my computer screen, and the blue sky outside, the idea of not walking became impossible to handle. I kicked off my flip-flops, and tied up my Asics. I headed out the door sans fleece, because, yesterday I got very warm on my walk. It was cold at first. Then it started raining. I swear there was only one cloud in the sky and it happened to be over my head, dropping rain. I kept going, I was almost to my turnaround point, and I had extra clothes at the office if I got too wet. I reached my turnaround point at the bottom of a mini-hill, and as I started back up the hill, the rain slowed enough so I didn't have to look at the ground, and I saw this gorgeous sight.
If I turn my head upside-down, its a big, gay smile. That made me smile. So I have to get rained on and power through it in order to see a rainbow. I get it. As my mom informed me yesterday, "whatever it is you don't want to do, that's the thing you need to do."
I think I have extrapolated that sentiment to other things as well...whatever you don't want to eat, that's the thing you should eat; whatever you don't want to clean, that's what you should clean; the work you don't want to do is the work you need to be doing; you get the point.
I guess if there's something I don't want to do, I'll do it anyway, because today, that's how the frown became an upside-down smile.