Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dear Mind: Please Stop F*cking With My Plan

Since beginning this journey/blog/quest whatever you want to call it, I have been constantly thinking. Thinking is the DEATH of me. I wish I could just turn my mind off, because so many times, my mind f*cks with my best intentions. The ironic part is that thinking about something as much as I do is always more work then to just do whatever it is I'm thinking about doing or not doing. How's that for self-defeating?

The past two days I have literally dreaded going to the gym. I think about the treadmill, and I get bored. I think about the elliptical, I get bored. Then I think to myself, why can't I just do this? Why can't the gym just be habit/routine/easy for me? Then I think about what I could do instead of going. Then I think of how bad it is not to go. Think, think, think. See what I mean?

I believe after 6.5 weeks, I'm suffering from workout fatigue. I for sure thought that I would get sick of eating the same meals everyday before I got sick of my workouts, nope. Walking upstairs to the cardio room, dragging my feet, I still didn't have a plan for the day's workout. I toyed with the idea of doing some weights first, then getting on a machine. I know myself, and weights mean "no workout" so I hopped on the elliptical, told myself I'd be there for 20 minutes, then switch to the treaddy. I knew what was going on, I was bored. After more thought (heh) I decided that tomorrow I would drop Dave off at school, and instead of driving to the Y, I would drive to Greenlake and run. I was excited for this. My excitement in my genius plan for tomorrow helped me make it to 30 minutes on the elliptical, and then I decided to do some ab work instead of jumping on the treadmill.

If I had talked (thought) myself out of my workout this morning, I would have been mad at myself for the rest of the day. I would not have incentive to eat well, since I already f*ed up my day. I would not have come up with a genius plan to fight boredom for tomorrow, and I would not feel as good as I do right now. This is what I'm talking about when I say doing the "thing" is WAY easier then thinking about not doing it.

Preaching time is onto something that I am very proud of. My refrigerator! Aren't you all curious to see what really lies within the fridge of someone that is trying to re-shape how they eat?
Top shelf: Strawberries, La Victoria Green Salsa (my condiment du jour), grapefruit, whole wheat tortillas, greek yogurt.
Middle shelf: Cheese, string cheese singles, cooked off chicken breasts for my lunch (thanks chef bf), green onion, eggs.
Bottom shelf: Homemade stew from Sunday night, romaine hearts, ground turkey, cauliflower, and my bagged lunch for the next day.

For some reason last night, as I was going to bed, this struck me as a thing of beauty. Vegetables, various proteins, colors, I don't know what it was, but I think this fridge is gorgeous!

Oh, and a follow-up to my annoyance yesterday with my interview set-up, TICKET IS BOOKED. They called me today, and told me to go ahead and book the ticket, I would be reimbursed upon arrival. My mom decided that she is going to fly down and meet me.

I just got off the phone with her, and I'm already thinking its a bad idea. Remember, the last time I saw her, she told me (out of context) "you used to be so pretty" and "no one is going to hire you if you are this fat." As she was making arrangements (she is paying for hotel, btw, and I'm guessing that's why I'm willing to put up with the annoyance) she starts spouting off "advice." I'm talking verbatim here: "So, at your interview, its the first 10 minutes that matter." "If they take you to lunch, chew slowly." "Don't talk with your mouth full." "Oh, and don't wear anything tight."

I wish I could make this up. After the last comment, I said "that's it, I'm going to hang up on you." Then she gets mad at ME saying I'm over sensitive. WTF? I would love to hear feedback from anyone on I being over-sensitive? I can take it. Please be honest. The last thing I want is to be thinking that my mom is being obnoxious when I deserve it.


  1. Your mom is too up in your shizz!! What she said was rude and out of line. Don't let her drag you down.

  2. 1. Yes, gorgeous fridge. Jealous of your stew and cute little lunch.
    2. If you can, be direct w/ your mom - but kind (moms hate being called out).. and tell her how you feel when she says those things. I had to do it w/ my mom and sometimes still have to remind her. If she continues, I tell her to stop right there - no matter who's around - cuz it hurts me. She's being a mom, remember.. that's her way of mothering, but she doesn't realize how much it affects you. Hope you can get that thru to her.
    3. 11 lbs?! Fucking awesome!
    4. Did I say YAY YOU?! Yay!!!