I Lost. (Won?)

So, the company is sticking to their low-ball offer. They gave me the weekend to "think about it." As much as I said I was ok with whatever the outcome was, I feel a little defeated. Being sick probably doesn't help much either. I know I'm not capable of seeing the reason right now why this didn't work out for me, and I take comfort in the philosophy of "it wasn't meant to be." But still. I have an ego.

When I find myself in this situation, I often make pro/con list of the outcome in my head. In this case, the "pro" is not getting the job. The problem with those is that they are imaginary, frequently changing, and subject to A LOT of bias. My pro/con list would go something like this:

PRO/ CON
I have a job/ I have THIS job
I do not have to move/ California is sunny
I can keep up my great routine/ I'm way more active in the sun
I stuck to my guns/ I turned down a good job
I have great friends here/ I have no friends there
My boyfriend has a job here/ My boyfriend has no job there
I can try and sell my condo again/ I could buy a cheap house there
Learning to kiteboard in the summer/ Water is over 40 minutes away
I don't have to quit the condo board/ I wouldn't be on the condo board
Pedro hates hot weather/ I love the sun
Moving would be expensive/ They don't cover relocation costs

In all honesty, making this pro/con list and writing this post is keeping me distracted from what I really want to do. I want to eat something horrible and comforting. I'm sure if I wasn't sick, I would be craving a good long run, but for now I want to "treat" myself with food.

I have to stop using food as a reward, or comfort, or as a tool to make me happy. I've been at this long enough to know that the food will not make me happier, and a reward of tighter jeans is not really a reward at all. I will feel so much better if I just get some rest, focus on getting over this cold, and eating the soup my boyfriend made for me. Besides, I can't taste anything anyway!

This too shall pass, I know, however, until then, I'm just going to keep repeating the rehearsed lines (justifications) until I really believe them. "It was a great experience." "Something better will come along." "I didn't want to look desperate." "I'm lucky I'm in a position where I can turn down a job." "Now I don't need to buy a new work wardrobe." "Receptionists and conference rooms aren't that great anyway." "Their salary offer was insulting."

Sigh.