Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thought Soup

I have all these random thoughts swimming in my head...I can't seem to turn any of them into a full post, so I'm just going to turn all of them into a post.

Almost immediately after yesterday's post about how nice out it was, and how I couldn't wait to go for my lunchtime walk, it started pouring. It didn't let up till well after 10pm...I'm not going to make the mistake of bragging about Seattle weather today, point taken God, point taken.

Yesterday, I gave into some old habits and ate a small amount of highly processed food while over at a friends house (a sliver of pizza from Papa Murphy's and a box made cupcake and frosting). What happened 2 hours later was a miracle/awful. I felt like crap. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a food-over. I had only given up processed foods for what, 5 weeks? And I eat the smallest amount, and wow, I could feel it. I went to bed feeling like crap, and I dreamed of grapefruit. I kid you not. I dreamed of the best grapefruit I've ever had in my life.

I woke up feeling like myself again, and proceeded to run for 30 minutes non-stop on the treadmill this morning. So much for my easing into running plan...looks like I'm ready to go!

The California job called yesterday, and they are scheduling a in-person interview for me next week. I need to go shopping this weekend for an interview suit. While I'm happy to be 10 pounds lighter than when I spoke to them on the phone in early January, I still had hoped I'd be a little farther along then I am now.

I think its crazy, well, I've always thought its crazy how much weight I can loose/gain and still wear the same clothes. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are definite differences, but the ability for clothes to stretch is amazing. Perhaps when I pull these jeans out of the dryer, they don't have to stretch AS far, but they are still a little snug after a wash. And its weird that I can still wear the same size in Gap jeans when I'm 30 pounds lighter as now? Perhaps they keep adjusting their sizing (vanity sizing) just for me. Well, I don't want to be a size 8 when an 8 is really a size 12 (you know, hypothetically speaking).

Things I miss: I miss my collar bone, I miss my knuckles, I miss my Citizens of Humanity jeans. I miss my defined calves, I miss the space between my thighs. I miss running 4 miles in 34 minutes, I miss eating without consequence.

Things I won't miss: Getting winded tying my shoes, looking frumpy, feeling like crap and not even knowing it, my stomach sticking out farther then my boobs, being reluctant to participate in activities, not wearing cute clothes, my parents disappointed looks, not being the me I know I can be.

I wonder when people will start to notice a smaller me? That's always been extra motivating in the past.

Phew, ok. Feels good to get all that out there. Hopefully I will return with a more coherent post tomorrow.

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