Monday, September 27, 2010

I Want to be a Billionaire, So Fricken Bad

I'm guilty of letting the "less-Paleo" moments come more and more frequently. Forget starting on the slippery slope, I'm at the bottom of the hill. Ok, that might be a little dramatic, but it just seems as though lately I keep giving myself permission to not be the best I can be. I don't know what causes this phenomenon in me, but I can say with 100% certainty that it is the phenomenon that has contributed to my life-long struggle with my weight.

I know there are so many other people out there that struggle with this same phenomenon. I read it nearly everyday on various blog sites...its cyclical almost. Some bloggers are new and gung-ho (invincible!), some are settled into a routine (losses slowing...getting bored), and others have become comfortable and therefore have been "slipping up" more and more often (denial). In the 9 months I have been keeping this blog, how many times have you seen me in one of these various states? I know I have hit every single one at least once, if not multiple times.

If you have been at this for awhile like I have, the cycles become very familiar. I know what I'm supposed to do, and what I'm not supposed to do, yet, something compels me to rebel. The best way I can describe it is that I give myself permission to not be the best I can be. In my head, I'm backed up by my success over the past few months, I feel that it is "ok" to cheat. And the cheats come faster and faster. This has nothing to do with my diet not being sustainable, or because I'm lazy, or because I'm stressing out over something in my life. I think it may have to do with fear? Fear of the unknown? Fear of being great? I don't know, but if I ever figure it out, I'm going to be richer then Bill Gates. If anyone could figure out why fat people can't "just do what they are supposed to do for as long as they need to do it" there would not be a bazillion dollar weight loss industry. Just as the credit default swaps bet on people not paying their mortgages, the folks behind The South Beach Diet, or Weight Watchers, or P90X are betting, HOPING that I fail so I buy more shit (too bad suckers!).

Luckily, I've learned a whole bunch. Not everything, but a lot. I do know that if I don't do something fast, I'm going to sit at this weight for a long time, and then eventually go right back to where I was 9 months ago. What I need to remember is that there are things I can not eat. Ever. Its going to take practice, and that's what I'm chalking this little cycle up to- PRACTICE.

However, that does not change the underlying fact that I need to be better. I have seen great success in so many aspects of my life by eliminating grains, sugar, dairy, legumes, and alcohol. I have to accept that I can not drink an occasional beer. I can not eat a Larabar everyday. My diet must consist mostly of high quality protein, veggies, and healthy fats.

I'm revisiting my Eulogy post today, because I need to get back to the mind-set I was at when I wrote it. The day before I went Paleo.

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