Thursday, January 14, 2010

Old Habits Die!

Yesterday I had an awful day at work. No, scratch that, just the last 3 hours of the day were awful, but it's always the ending of something that determines the mood for a whole event. I had been on edge this whole week as I try and round up solid references for my potential new job. My ace-in-the-hole reference hadn't gotten back to me, and I was really starting to panic. Couple that with my boss deciding to argue with me for 3 hours about a topic he knows NOTHING about, and you get angry Violet.

Luckily, I had plans to attend a dinner party after work yesterday, so I had an excuse to end my boss' barrage of bullshit and leave before putting in another 9 hour day this week. When I got into my car to drive home, I couldn't even think. My mind was racing, I was so angry and all of a sudden had all these genius come-backs to my boss' asinine claims. I kept telling myself to let it go. I didn't even feel like going out anymore, I just wanted to go home, sit on the couch, eat something horrible for me, and feel sorry for myself.

My awesome boyfriend had spent the better part of his afternoon making mini-meatballs to bring to the party as an appetizer. I was going no matter what. I was still tense and replaying every second of my last hours at work over and over in my head. I kept telling myself soon enough I could have a new job, and never have to worry about my ridiculous office environment. Then I would be reminded that I still hadn't sent my references off to the prospective job, and I would stress more. It was a horrible cycle.

The dinner party was a fantastic distraction, and really let me forget my day and clear my head. I have great friends, the meatballs were a huge success, and boyfriend had a good time (a first with my friends). In the car ride home, I solicited my tipsy boyfriend for advice on the reference that hadn't got back to me. We came up with a solid plan of action for the next day. I would go into work early, before anyone else and talk to my boss. I would tell my boss about my prospective job, and ask him to be a reference for me. My boss would be as much of an ace in the hole reference as the one I was waiting for, but in general I don't like to tell my current bosses about my plans to move on. I was desperate, and my boss has always been very clear that this job is not a permanent stop for any of us. I am comfortable that I could be straight forward with my boss on this front, and get a decent reference from him.

Going into work early would mean skipping the gym in the morning. I was a little hesitant to mess with my routine, especially since that's how the endings of my previous good routines always start, and it wasn't even a guarantee that my boss would be there in the morning. I could be skipping the gym for naught. This has been a downfall in the past for me. I find an excuse to falter one day, and then the next thing I know, my routine is gone.

My alarm went off, and I always check my e-mail and facebook in bed while I wake up. Holy crap, my 1st choice awesome reference FINALLY responded to me and agreed to be a reference! The first thing that went through my head is "I can go to the gym!" Now, that may not seem like a big deal to many people, but for me, that was proof I am training myself to kick my old habits! No more finding excuses to skip the gym, or eat bad. Best of all, I didn't have to inform my boss of my plans.

I know there are going to be times in the future when I am tested on this again, and actually do have to step outside my routine, due to unavoidable circumstances. I hope the strength of my new routine that I continue to build everyday carries me through those times, and allows for a little wiggle room. Recognition of what is a real reason to be out of my routine versus a made up reason by my laziness is probably going to be the best gift I can give myself in this journey.

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