Friday, February 17, 2012

215- Throwing a Fit, Moving On

Yesterday I took the bus to work so the bf deluxe could give the car some love (fluid changes, a wash and such).  My day becomes a little longer when I take the bus, since I get to work about 1/2 hour later than usual, and then leave work later in the evening, of course the bus takes longer to get home than end up leaving the house about the same time but get home 1 hour to 1.5 hours later than normal.  I planned my eating around this, since part of my plan this month involves eating every 2-3 hours.  Its kind of unspoken between us that whoever has the day off, had dinner ready for the other one when they get home (or shortly thereafter).  
As luck should have it, there was some type of accident, and traffic was horrible.  The bf deluxe picked me up at the transit center, and we hit even MORE traffic every way we went.  It was ridiculous.  I looked at the clock and began to get nervous, I should be eating soon...just then bf deluxe says "what do you want for dinner?"  Enter the fit.
I began to panic as I quickly ran an inventory of what was in the fridge in my head, cooking times, what I felt like eating, etc. and near full meltdown ensued.  Meanwhile bf was just sitting there, waiting for an answer, and we were STILL stopped in traffic.  I began to fidget, I wanted to scream, there was absolutely nothing at the house that I wanted.  Oh, sure, we had plenty of food to prepare, all of it in line with my current eating plan, but NONE of it sounded good.  I got pissed.  Why does this have to be so hard?  Why can't I just eat food like a normal person?  Why do there have to be so many rules?!  (No grains, no sugar, no dairy, low salt, low fat, no red meat, today is not a day I can eat yams, yadda yadda yadda...).  "Well?"  he says.  I was just silent.  Oh, he knows what the silence means. 
As quickly as this meltdown came on, it vanished with a little perspective:  I did this to myself, and I'm doing this to myself.  This challenge I'm giving myself is entirely up to me.  I know what works for me and what I need to do.  Sure, I could say eff it and go eat whatever I want, but where does that get me?  I know the consequences of doing that, so I won't.  We finally got home, and I was incredibly relieved to see that there was food in the fridge that I could re-heat and eat (even though it was the same thing I ate for lunch and snack) and didn't have to make anything new.  I ate my food, calmed down, and remembered that the month is over soon, and I can return to eating bacon and pork shoulder and salting my foods like a normal person (but will I?).  When I was done eating, the bf deluxe knew it was ok to speak again, and said "all good?"  "Yes" I responded, "I'm fully aware that I am doing this to myself."  He laughed and said "yup!"
Today is a much better day.  It is my "refuel day" so I get to eat all sorts of delicious things, like strawberries, greek yogurt, and yams!  Truth be told, I feel really good, my clothes are looser, my engagement ring is dangerously looser, and I have been working on some really good habits that I would like to continue on with once this month is over.  I'm going to keep on this increased Fish Oil regimen (I will dedicate a whole post to Fish Oil soon since Patricia left a comment about it a few days ago).  I'm going to continue to make sure I eat my first meal within 30 minutes of waking, that I measure my portions, and keep up with my coffee hiatus/1 gallon of water per day drinking.  All of those are do able.
I have a feeling this months before/after pic's are going to knock your socks off, and my efforts will be realized.  Moving on.   

1 comment:

  1. Sweet! I look forward to the fish oil post!!! And giving up processed sugar I sometimes become frustrated with not being able to eat everything I really want to and having to be mindful of everything I eat, but it is our choice to do these things and honestly, I may feel bad about not getting something I want or having to go out of the way to eat stuff that's better, but I feel a lot worse mentally and physically after "cheating" on my plan. Stick to it, it is worth feeling good!