Thursday, May 20, 2010

Inside My Head

I'm afraid that if I lose all the weight I want to lose, I'll have extra skin.

I'm afraid that I will have horrible stretch marks.

I don't want my boobs to shrink, but I'm ok with everything else shrinking.

I'm afraid I'll lose weight, then gain it all back.

I'm afraid of remaining at this weight for any longer.

I don't want to get diabetes/cancer/heart disease.

I'm afraid of how hot I'll be if I'm thin.

I don't know how to be thin.

I'm afraid of chocolate, cookies, candy, thai food, donuts, cake, ice cream, chips and salsa, pasta, scones, bagels, and Trader Joes chocolate covered pretzels.

I'm afraid of missing out on things I really want to do but don't because of my size.

I'm afraid I won't ever get to eat my favorite foods again.

I'm afraid I'll be so mad at myself for not losing the weight sooner.

But, MOST OF ALL- I'm afraid of having this same dialogue in my head 10 years from now.

Almost all of these are ridiculous, I know. Each one of these has been a reason, either subconscious or not to keep me from doing the right thing. The brain is a complicated thing. I know the sooner I get a handle on my habits/actions, the better off I will be, yet I continually make decisions that counter my best intentions. I don't know a way around that. The fear of being fat forever, or getting some health related disease does not over power my fear of not getting enough food, or not getting the food I want at a particular moment. That...that goes against every rational fiber in my brain. WTF.


  1. Wow, except for the one on excess skin (and now I'm worried about that) those are EXACTLY the thoughts that have been going through my head forever. Well, this is all about conquering our fears so let's take a deep breath and here we go!! :)

  2. I appreciate this post! I have many of these same fears. I too want to stop having the same dialogue with myself and act on my goals. And if I actually knew the real reasons why it's so hard to do this, why the mind works against me, I would have the answer.

    What I have decided is that I'm not sure about most things, but I just need to act. I need to do something! Even just one thing! Just something. That's what I'm trying to do right now. And to be positive--working on that too. Thanks for a post I can relate to.