Decisions, Decisions

As I find myself in this holding pattern, I have been reading a lot of weight-loss/health blogs, searching for the post that will speak directly to me...the post that will make my attitude go away, and renew my commitment to myself.

I think I have mentioned it before, but now I'm giving serious thought to a Paleo-lifestyle. Deep down, I know it is the best thing for me. I have observed the way my body reacts to sugar and refined grains. They are toxic, addicting, and keep me from being the best me I can be.

I want so much more for myself then this up and down, on-again/off-again lifestyle. I've always had visions of being such a fitness bad ass, trail running 10 miles one day, biking 50 miles the next; knocking out 50 push-ups every morning, having ripped arms and 6-pack abs. Its this fantasy that always gets me to start, but somehow fades after a few days/weeks/months, and I realize what a joke it is- cause the food always overpowers my will to be fit.

For me, food and exercise have always been separate things. Exercise is something one does to compensate for the food that they have consumed. There is a major flaw in this thinking...one can eat anything they want, as long as they exercise enough to counter act the calories. But what about the composition of meals? I've learned by paying attention to my body that eating a bagel for lunch (300 calories) versus a chicken breast and a piece of fruit (300 calories) is NOT the same thing. Not necessarily because of the nutritional content, but because of the way MY body reacts to refined carbohydrates and sugar. If I eat a bagel, I'm more likely to crave more carbohydrates, and make poor decisions. I'm more likely to get lethargic, skip a workout and fall into a off-again cycle. I'm convinced that not everyone is like this. I think there are plenty of people out there that can eat a 300 calorie bagel everyday for lunch and be fine. I however, am not one of them, and for that reason, I need to shift my thinking from food and exercise being separate things to them being ONE thing.

Food is about to become fuel for my exercise. Exercise is not going to be something I use to remedy my food intake. See the difference? Each thing I put into my body will have a purpose, and I will only put in what I need for my muscles to perform. It sounds so simple that way. If I have learned anything at all from maintaining this blog, it is that I cannot keep up the way I'm going. Something has to change fundamentally. Decisions have to be made. Things must be forever removed from my life.

My biggest dilemma is deciding when to start this new lifestyle. Sure its so easy to say NOW! But, for me, (and I know this is a HORRIBLE parallel) its like a loved one with a terminal disease on their death bed. I know I can never taste or eat these food items again, they will be gone forever. I think of all the good times we had, and how much I *love* them. I know they must go. I know I will live once they gone, but I will be sad sometimes, and miss them. What is an acceptable amount to time to prepare myself for their absence? What is an acceptable amount of time to stand by their bed (aka eat them) before I let go for good?

Do I really need to give sugar and carbs and all the other things I'm giving up a funeral? I think I might. So...lets say tentative funeral is Monday, May 31st, and June 1st is Paleo all the way. Yikes. Oh, and in case you are curious, here is the blog post I found that "spoke to me."