I've been having sort of a rough week. Not really anything tangible, or anything that you would be able to see on the outside, just a bunch of introspective shit. I can pretty much pinpoint the start of the suck to last Saturday, when I ran that mile. Let me try to explain.
There is a sort of disconnect between what is good for me, and what is good in general. Like most people, I want to be good. I don't want excuses made for myself, I just want to do things that the people I choose to surround myself with can do. Now that I have 2 months of CrossFit under my belt, I see a familiar pattern. I'm not performing at the same level as the other girls. I know I have to get more weight off of me in order to be performing at a level I would truly feel good about.
I know all the people at the gym are sincere when they say "good job" but what they really mean is "good job for a fat chick." Its not a look I'm unfamiliar with! I've been getting it my whole life. It makes me wonder why I constantly put myself in this position? Why do I choose to do things that are obviously easier for people in shape, and then beat myself up when I can't do it as well as them? It is like the most common feeling I've had in my life, that in order for me to do the things I want to do, I need to lose weight.
So on top of feeling sorry for myself for not being an instant CrossFit star, I'm still mulling over the job interview I had last week...waiting for them to call and tell me SOMETHING. And then there is the Condominium Board stress. We had a meeting this week, and meeting weeks are always stressful. I have partaken in several very non-paleo meals, and I feel it. Believe me, I feel it.
If I have learned anything in the past 10 months, it is that I have a choice. Always. I can choose to rise above, keep on the good path that makes me feel awesome, or I can choose to feel sorry for myself and be self-destructive. Only time will tell which I end up choosing. However, last night as I was getting ready to head out to a comedy show, I had to grab a shirt from the dryer. As I walked through the kitchen, I saw this:
Anyone care to guess why I was excited about this? Hint: (blog title).