Dear Body,
I am so sorry for the way I've treated you the past decade. It was never my intention to hurt you, and keep you from being all you could be. I'm sorry for all the false and short-lived attempts at bettering things, only to continue to hurt you more and more. I'm sorry for taking you for granted, and not lavishing you with the praise, love, exercise, and healthy foods that you so deserve. I beg for your forgiveness, if it is not too late.
You see, it was today that it finally dawned on me how incredible you are. It is beyond embarrassing to admit that after our 30 year relationship, I'm only realizing this now. No matter how much I take, you continue to give. No matter how much I abuse you, you bounce back able to take more. And when I'm good to you, really good to you, you reward me. How you hold no grudges is nothing short of a miracle.
Today, as I was past the half-way mark in my 3 mile run, something in you lit up. It was as if you had awakened from a deep sleep, or left the place that you go when I'm not good to you, and came alive. Skeptics may call it a 'second wind' but I know better. I know that it was you letting go of the past. It was you forgiving me, and showing me that you are willing to move forward, as long as I keep up my end of the bargain. Yes, 10 weeks is a fair test for you to give me, fuck, 5 years, 10 years, or the rest of my lifetime is a fair amount of time to make me work for your forgiveness.
We will always have each other. I have forgotten this in the past, but I will never forget it again. I love everything about you, and would not have you any other way. I promise to treat you right, and give you everything you deserve. It will take work, and we will have our fights, but my selfishness and lack of respect ends here. You'll see.
Love,
Violet
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Building a Foundation
10 weeks, wow. My weight is up a little bit this week, but I'm not worried about it in the least. Over the weekend I tried on some of my smaller clothes, and I fit into them. The regular clothes I have been wearing seem to just hang off me. Workouts that were once hard, have become easier. Making better food choices has become almost natural! I am building a foundation.
Having a strong foundation is how I will survive life's earthquakes, and ensure my structure lasts a long time. Progress is not entirely measured by the scale, just as my overall health is not just about my weight. As I mentioned last week, I feel good, physically and mentally.
Week one of completing a 20 minute Jillian Michaels circuit after work is done! Today I was able to run for 5 minutes at 0.2 miles/hr faster then my previous 0.2 mile/hr increase (so 0.4 mile/hr faster then I have been), I backed it down 0.2 miles/hr and ran for an additional 10 minutes (all this was after 20 minutes on the elliptical, of course). I will be doing the Jillian video this week, and for the next 2 weeks after that. This week, I also plan on running Greenlake two mornings, perhaps Tuesday/Thursday, depending on the weather. I know it sounds strange, but I always feel like running outside is harder then running on a treadmill. I want to make sure I'm used to running outside, since that's where all the races take place!
It literally feels like big leaps in my fitness level happened over night. I don't know how much of this I can attribute to the Jillian video, or if all my weeks of putting in time finally made something happen? It doesn't matter anyway, because I'm going to keep moving forward. I still have plenty more leaps to take.
Having a strong foundation is how I will survive life's earthquakes, and ensure my structure lasts a long time. Progress is not entirely measured by the scale, just as my overall health is not just about my weight. As I mentioned last week, I feel good, physically and mentally.
Week one of completing a 20 minute Jillian Michaels circuit after work is done! Today I was able to run for 5 minutes at 0.2 miles/hr faster then my previous 0.2 mile/hr increase (so 0.4 mile/hr faster then I have been), I backed it down 0.2 miles/hr and ran for an additional 10 minutes (all this was after 20 minutes on the elliptical, of course). I will be doing the Jillian video this week, and for the next 2 weeks after that. This week, I also plan on running Greenlake two mornings, perhaps Tuesday/Thursday, depending on the weather. I know it sounds strange, but I always feel like running outside is harder then running on a treadmill. I want to make sure I'm used to running outside, since that's where all the races take place!
It literally feels like big leaps in my fitness level happened over night. I don't know how much of this I can attribute to the Jillian video, or if all my weeks of putting in time finally made something happen? It doesn't matter anyway, because I'm going to keep moving forward. I still have plenty more leaps to take.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Who Feels Good?
I feel good. Initially coming to my blog this morning to sign in and write this post, I was directed to some sort of other site, and my anti-virus popped up. My site had been hacked?! I had a minor freak-out, then logged out of everything, changed my passwords, and Googled how to fix it. I had to delete my countdown gadget at the bottom of the page, I apologize if anyone got re-directed from my blog earlier!
I ran around Greenlake this morning as opposed to going to the gym. It is a beautiful March day here, and I felt really good the whole time. The three mile loop took me roughly 35 minutes. I kept my pace nice and relaxed, my lungs felt good, but I could feel a little heaviness in my legs. Most likely due to the Jillian videos! That's right, four for four.
Yesterday, as I was doing Level One of the 30-Day Shred, I paid attention to my form. I am able to complete more repetitions, with better form then the last time I did the video (3 days ago). That is incredible! Just like Jillian says, I will be shredded in no time. After tonight, I will be five for five. The weekends are my breaks from the video, but I will still be getting in cardio workouts. Hopefully, by Monday, all the lactic acid built up in my muscles will be gone, and I'll be feeling lighter again.
In other news, my boyfriend and I have decided to take a huge leap, and attempt to BUY A HOUSE. Now, this great, awesome, idea comes with a few caveats. First, we must rent our existing condo for a price that mostly covers that mortgage. Second, my boyfriend needs to pick up more hours at work, which means dropping out of school next quarter and working full time (luckily, he has been begging me for a break from school for some time). Ideally, he will be starting back up in the fall, after a spring/summer break. Third, we need to get approved for a loan, find a place we like, make and offer, and get picked. Ok, so that was like 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th. We have someone coming by to look at the condo on Sunday to see if she would like to rent it.
One year ago we put our condo on the market, trying to sell it, with the hopes of buying a house. Eleven months later, it did not sell. Then, as I was interviewing for the job in California, the possibility that we would be moving was on the table, and we had to have a plan. If I got the job, there would be no time to go back on the market, so we were going to rent it. Now that I did not take the job, we had to come up with a new plan. Do we go back on the market? Or rent it, just as we were going to do if we moved? Looking at the present economic situation, and the numbers, we would not make anything off of selling it. So, we decided to just see if anyone would want to move in.
We then ran some numbers assuming a) we had a renter, b) Dave was working full time, and c) we eat nothing but rice and beans; we figured out what sort of second mortgage/home price we could afford. I spoke to the bank, and to our AWESOME real estate agent, and there are homes out there for us! We are going to look at places tomorrow with our agent. It would be ridiculous not to take advantage of the market and low rates today. This idea/plan should add some excitement to my life as I figure out how to get us out of our 500 square foot condo, and into a home or townhome at least double that size!
Also, the smaller I get, the more roomy a new place will feel!
I ran around Greenlake this morning as opposed to going to the gym. It is a beautiful March day here, and I felt really good the whole time. The three mile loop took me roughly 35 minutes. I kept my pace nice and relaxed, my lungs felt good, but I could feel a little heaviness in my legs. Most likely due to the Jillian videos! That's right, four for four.
Yesterday, as I was doing Level One of the 30-Day Shred, I paid attention to my form. I am able to complete more repetitions, with better form then the last time I did the video (3 days ago). That is incredible! Just like Jillian says, I will be shredded in no time. After tonight, I will be five for five. The weekends are my breaks from the video, but I will still be getting in cardio workouts. Hopefully, by Monday, all the lactic acid built up in my muscles will be gone, and I'll be feeling lighter again.
In other news, my boyfriend and I have decided to take a huge leap, and attempt to BUY A HOUSE. Now, this great, awesome, idea comes with a few caveats. First, we must rent our existing condo for a price that mostly covers that mortgage. Second, my boyfriend needs to pick up more hours at work, which means dropping out of school next quarter and working full time (luckily, he has been begging me for a break from school for some time). Ideally, he will be starting back up in the fall, after a spring/summer break. Third, we need to get approved for a loan, find a place we like, make and offer, and get picked. Ok, so that was like 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th. We have someone coming by to look at the condo on Sunday to see if she would like to rent it.
One year ago we put our condo on the market, trying to sell it, with the hopes of buying a house. Eleven months later, it did not sell. Then, as I was interviewing for the job in California, the possibility that we would be moving was on the table, and we had to have a plan. If I got the job, there would be no time to go back on the market, so we were going to rent it. Now that I did not take the job, we had to come up with a new plan. Do we go back on the market? Or rent it, just as we were going to do if we moved? Looking at the present economic situation, and the numbers, we would not make anything off of selling it. So, we decided to just see if anyone would want to move in.
We then ran some numbers assuming a) we had a renter, b) Dave was working full time, and c) we eat nothing but rice and beans; we figured out what sort of second mortgage/home price we could afford. I spoke to the bank, and to our AWESOME real estate agent, and there are homes out there for us! We are going to look at places tomorrow with our agent. It would be ridiculous not to take advantage of the market and low rates today. This idea/plan should add some excitement to my life as I figure out how to get us out of our 500 square foot condo, and into a home or townhome at least double that size!
Also, the smaller I get, the more roomy a new place will feel!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
So Full...
Three for three. I am very proud of myself. The Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred Video is comprised of 3, 20-minute workouts. Each increasingly harder then the previous, however for each level there are modifications for each exercise, to build up your strength before doing the full movement (e.g. girl push-up instead of military style, etc.) On my iPhone calendar, I scheduled an appointment with the video for every workday, for the next four weeks. Basically I run through each level once, then repeat, except for the last week, where I alternate between levels 2 and 3 only.
Now that I have completed 3 days of this new routine; my morning workouts plus the Jillian video as soon as I get home at night, I realized my appetite has increased significantly. On Monday, I had a dessert of greek yogurt, strawberries, honey, and granola, because I was still hungry after dinner. Day two, we went out for gelato. Day three, NOTHING! I wanted dessert last night, but I had nothing. I woke up absolutely starving. I was so hungry I didn't think I'd be able to workout unless I ate something. I threw and extra apple into my lunch this morning, thinking "that should do it."
I think you all know me better then that. Well, after 40 minutes at the gym, still hadn't eaten anything, I decided that I would get a chocolate muffin and orange juice (aka, my favorite breakfast of all time) at the store while I got my latte. I got to work, and instead of my packed oatmeal, I feasted on muffin and orange juice and latte. It was delicious. I am uncomfortably full now, but there was no way around this today, especially since I definitely did not eat enough filling food last night.
There is a learning opportunity in here somewhere... Ok, so I KNOW that it is proven (especially in women) that the more you exercise the more appetite you have. I also KNOW that if you eat more calories then you burn exercising, you aren't going to see any benefits. These are hard facts that can not be disputed. Now, I KNOW the following about myself: I can get cocky when I think I'm doing well, and eat too much. I can easily think about something, and HAVE to have it. I am the master of excuses/justifications.
All that being said, where does that leave me? Well, if I'm going to be hungry, but eating more will nullify my additional workout, I need to make better choices. Fruit, veggies, water. These are my options. I am in no way at a point where I can relax. Eight and nine weeks ago, I was hungry all the time. How did I get through that? I wanted to. I must do the same now. I will adjust to the additional exercise, so I get additional benefit.
Now that I have completed 3 days of this new routine; my morning workouts plus the Jillian video as soon as I get home at night, I realized my appetite has increased significantly. On Monday, I had a dessert of greek yogurt, strawberries, honey, and granola, because I was still hungry after dinner. Day two, we went out for gelato. Day three, NOTHING! I wanted dessert last night, but I had nothing. I woke up absolutely starving. I was so hungry I didn't think I'd be able to workout unless I ate something. I threw and extra apple into my lunch this morning, thinking "that should do it."
I think you all know me better then that. Well, after 40 minutes at the gym, still hadn't eaten anything, I decided that I would get a chocolate muffin and orange juice (aka, my favorite breakfast of all time) at the store while I got my latte. I got to work, and instead of my packed oatmeal, I feasted on muffin and orange juice and latte. It was delicious. I am uncomfortably full now, but there was no way around this today, especially since I definitely did not eat enough filling food last night.
There is a learning opportunity in here somewhere... Ok, so I KNOW that it is proven (especially in women) that the more you exercise the more appetite you have. I also KNOW that if you eat more calories then you burn exercising, you aren't going to see any benefits. These are hard facts that can not be disputed. Now, I KNOW the following about myself: I can get cocky when I think I'm doing well, and eat too much. I can easily think about something, and HAVE to have it. I am the master of excuses/justifications.
All that being said, where does that leave me? Well, if I'm going to be hungry, but eating more will nullify my additional workout, I need to make better choices. Fruit, veggies, water. These are my options. I am in no way at a point where I can relax. Eight and nine weeks ago, I was hungry all the time. How did I get through that? I wanted to. I must do the same now. I will adjust to the additional exercise, so I get additional benefit.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Just Wasn't Feelin' It
I woke up at 7am, like usual. I went to the bathroom and grabbed my clean gym clothes out of the dryer, like usual. I brushed my teeth, put on deodorant, and took the dog outside, like usual. I packed the same breakfast and lunch I pack everyday, grabbed clean clothes to change into after the gym, and drove my boyfriend to school, like usual. Auto-pilot got me to the underground parking facility at the Y, and I was instantly annoyed to see so many spots taken. Resolutioners are supposed to be gone, WTF? I thought about just driving to work. I wasn't feelin' it.
When I got upstairs to the cardio room, it was empty. I was expecting to not have a machine after seeing the garage. I was somehow relieved, and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes. Feeling nice and warm, I went over to the treadmill and decided to kick up my pace by .2 mile/hr. It was easy. I kid you not. I felt relaxed, I ran at that new faster pace for 10 minutes, and was grinning. Results, I has them...you can bet that the next time I'm on the treadmill, I will be bumping up my pace another .2 miles/hr, I must keep challenging myself.
Speaking of challenging myself, I am two for two on Jillian Michaels after work. Damn, that video makes me sweat SO much. Sweat was literally rolling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin after the second of three sets. Sweat was pouring off my eyebrows, soaking my eyelashes, before joining the cheek river to my chin waterfall. Beads formed on the backs of my hands. My t-shirt was stuck to my back. I am so baffled how doing this 20 minute video makes me sweat more then a 30 minute run. Are the moves really that efficient? Perhaps my home is too warm on the inside? Could it be that two days of Jillian made my increase in running pace easy? I don't know.
I woke up feeling trapped/unexcited about my routine, had a great workout that proved my routine is working, and gained some new perspective. As I was driving from the gym to work, I began thinking of all the things I had allowed myself to eat in the past 9 weeks that are "cheats" or "foods that should be limited" here's the list (in no particular order):
Favorite Indian restaurant (twice)
One night of drunken debauchery
Dim Sum
Cupcake from Trophy cupcakes
Tamales
Chinese restaurant
Cake
Cinnamon roll(s)
Croissant
Cake
Candy
Greek restaurant in California
Fancy restaurant in California
Breakfast restaurant in California
Pink Door restaurant in Seattle
Dessert from Pink Door
Homemade cake
Ice cream
Gelato
Homemade cookies
Homemade brownies
How can I be so ungrateful to my routine? As I thought about this list, and it kept growing as I remembered more, I realized I'm not stuck in a boring routine, I'm not depriving myself. I am good 80% of the time. The boring, routine 80% is TOTALLY necessary to compensate for the...ah-hem...choices listed above. Wow, this list is almost embarrassing. How is it that I've lost any weight at all???? I appreciate my routine, appreciate that it keeps me on track most of time, yet allows for some wiggle room. I will remember this the next time I'm just not feelin' it, and be sure to turn my brain off.
When I got upstairs to the cardio room, it was empty. I was expecting to not have a machine after seeing the garage. I was somehow relieved, and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes. Feeling nice and warm, I went over to the treadmill and decided to kick up my pace by .2 mile/hr. It was easy. I kid you not. I felt relaxed, I ran at that new faster pace for 10 minutes, and was grinning. Results, I has them...you can bet that the next time I'm on the treadmill, I will be bumping up my pace another .2 miles/hr, I must keep challenging myself.
Speaking of challenging myself, I am two for two on Jillian Michaels after work. Damn, that video makes me sweat SO much. Sweat was literally rolling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin after the second of three sets. Sweat was pouring off my eyebrows, soaking my eyelashes, before joining the cheek river to my chin waterfall. Beads formed on the backs of my hands. My t-shirt was stuck to my back. I am so baffled how doing this 20 minute video makes me sweat more then a 30 minute run. Are the moves really that efficient? Perhaps my home is too warm on the inside? Could it be that two days of Jillian made my increase in running pace easy? I don't know.
I woke up feeling trapped/unexcited about my routine, had a great workout that proved my routine is working, and gained some new perspective. As I was driving from the gym to work, I began thinking of all the things I had allowed myself to eat in the past 9 weeks that are "cheats" or "foods that should be limited" here's the list (in no particular order):
Favorite Indian restaurant (twice)
One night of drunken debauchery
Dim Sum
Cupcake from Trophy cupcakes
Tamales
Chinese restaurant
Cake
Cinnamon roll(s)
Croissant
Cake
Candy
Greek restaurant in California
Fancy restaurant in California
Breakfast restaurant in California
Pink Door restaurant in Seattle
Dessert from Pink Door
Homemade cake
Ice cream
Gelato
Homemade cookies
Homemade brownies
How can I be so ungrateful to my routine? As I thought about this list, and it kept growing as I remembered more, I realized I'm not stuck in a boring routine, I'm not depriving myself. I am good 80% of the time. The boring, routine 80% is TOTALLY necessary to compensate for the...ah-hem...choices listed above. Wow, this list is almost embarrassing. How is it that I've lost any weight at all???? I appreciate my routine, appreciate that it keeps me on track most of time, yet allows for some wiggle room. I will remember this the next time I'm just not feelin' it, and be sure to turn my brain off.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
One for One
As soon as I got home last night, I kicked my boyfriend off the XBOX and put in Jillian Michaels. It was tough, but it was also over with pretty quick. I'm a little sore today in my pecs and biceps, which is nice. Being sore assures me that I've done something. Also, by actually doing the video last night, I did what I said I was going to do, and that makes me one for one this month!
I know I'm about to reveal how much of a huge dork I am right now, but I'm SO excited for regular tv programming to be back this week. The Biggest Loser is back on tonight (with limited commercials)! I know they are isolated from their "real" lives, are constantly supervised, and workout 6-10 hours a day, but it is still motivational. Even if my progress is 1/6 of what they do on the show, it still gives me hope that IT CAN BE DONE.
I apologize for the short post today, but I really have nothing else to say! Still excited about my total loss so far, and, I'm SO looking forward to a summer where I can wear my cute shorts again.
I know I'm about to reveal how much of a huge dork I am right now, but I'm SO excited for regular tv programming to be back this week. The Biggest Loser is back on tonight (with limited commercials)! I know they are isolated from their "real" lives, are constantly supervised, and workout 6-10 hours a day, but it is still motivational. Even if my progress is 1/6 of what they do on the show, it still gives me hope that IT CAN BE DONE.
I apologize for the short post today, but I really have nothing else to say! Still excited about my total loss so far, and, I'm SO looking forward to a summer where I can wear my cute shorts again.
Monday, March 1, 2010
In Like a Lion...
I love February. I love February because it is the shortest month, and when it is over, it is MARCH. March means the end is near, the days are longer, and sunshine is just around the corner. Unless of course, you live in Seattle, but whatever is happening outside does not stop my brain from getting excited for March. I was extra excited to wake up this morning to a 3 pound weight loss for this week! I really thought my weeks of 3 pound weight losses were over, so maybe I lost some muscle from being sick? I don't know, but I'll take it.
I wanted to write on Saturday, after I went for an awesome run, but we re-arranged the furniture, and didn't have a long enough cable to reach the laptop (I know laptops are mobile, but its hard to explain). Anyway, I decided that I had fully kicked my cold, and it was time to get back out there and run. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to go for, but I was going to try and aim for 30 minutes non-stop. I was running 30 minutes non-stop before my cold, then did no running for a week, so in the back of my head, I was skeptical. I DID IT! I went for a nice, relaxed 30 minute run without stopping.
Today, March 1, I take it up another notch. In addition to my morning workouts, I will be doing my Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred video after work, M-F. This is going to be quite a challenge, so that's why I'm writing it out, to help keep me accountable. I really have been needing to add resistance training to my routine, but just haven't fit it in yet. By doing the 20 minute circuit as soon as I get home from work, I will be complementing my cardio workouts, and hopefully making myself stronger in the process.
Let's get back to this 18 pound weight loss...I am ecstatic to say the least. For the past 4 years, I feel like I've just been going through the motions. Trying (and failing) to do something better for myself, but just never following through. I'd have mini-wake up calls that would motivated me for a month or so, only to fall back plus more. Its hard to believe that I've gained 55 pounds since 4 years ago. Sometimes I want to grab my boyfriend and shake him, and say "how could you let me do this?" But there is nothing he could have done. I wonder what was going through my friends heads as they saw me balloon up to my highest weight? Perhaps they didn't notice because it happened so slowly. Yeah right!
The best (and maybe worse) thing about time is that it passes no matter what you are doing. We spend so much energy trying to figure out whether or not to do things, and the time passes. We eat and are lazy, and think about how next week will be different, and the time passes. Well, when you DO something (grad school, weight loss, etc.) the time still passes. So, why not just do it? Figure out what it takes to make it work, and do it. Now, in one year, I can potentially erase what I did in four years just by DOING instead of THINKING. The time still passes.
I created a routine for myself. I made a list of all the foods that "work" for me, as far as leave me satisfied, and not craving sugar or carbs (my downfalls). I work each week (shopping, cooking) to ensure I have my meals for the next day so I'm not left with the opportunity to falter. I keep changing up my workouts periodically to keep the boredom at bay. I consciously eat less. I make every effort to cook meals at home. If there is something that I can absolutely not get out of my head after a week, I have it.
For the first time in four years I can actually see myself making progress. I see a smaller me in the mirror. My workouts are harder and last longer. My clothes are looser, the scale numbers are falling, and it feels great. Why I didn't spend my time on this earlier escapes me. However, I'm here now and will not be going back.
I wanted to write on Saturday, after I went for an awesome run, but we re-arranged the furniture, and didn't have a long enough cable to reach the laptop (I know laptops are mobile, but its hard to explain). Anyway, I decided that I had fully kicked my cold, and it was time to get back out there and run. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to go for, but I was going to try and aim for 30 minutes non-stop. I was running 30 minutes non-stop before my cold, then did no running for a week, so in the back of my head, I was skeptical. I DID IT! I went for a nice, relaxed 30 minute run without stopping.
Today, March 1, I take it up another notch. In addition to my morning workouts, I will be doing my Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred video after work, M-F. This is going to be quite a challenge, so that's why I'm writing it out, to help keep me accountable. I really have been needing to add resistance training to my routine, but just haven't fit it in yet. By doing the 20 minute circuit as soon as I get home from work, I will be complementing my cardio workouts, and hopefully making myself stronger in the process.
Let's get back to this 18 pound weight loss...I am ecstatic to say the least. For the past 4 years, I feel like I've just been going through the motions. Trying (and failing) to do something better for myself, but just never following through. I'd have mini-wake up calls that would motivated me for a month or so, only to fall back plus more. Its hard to believe that I've gained 55 pounds since 4 years ago. Sometimes I want to grab my boyfriend and shake him, and say "how could you let me do this?" But there is nothing he could have done. I wonder what was going through my friends heads as they saw me balloon up to my highest weight? Perhaps they didn't notice because it happened so slowly. Yeah right!
The best (and maybe worse) thing about time is that it passes no matter what you are doing. We spend so much energy trying to figure out whether or not to do things, and the time passes. We eat and are lazy, and think about how next week will be different, and the time passes. Well, when you DO something (grad school, weight loss, etc.) the time still passes. So, why not just do it? Figure out what it takes to make it work, and do it. Now, in one year, I can potentially erase what I did in four years just by DOING instead of THINKING. The time still passes.
I created a routine for myself. I made a list of all the foods that "work" for me, as far as leave me satisfied, and not craving sugar or carbs (my downfalls). I work each week (shopping, cooking) to ensure I have my meals for the next day so I'm not left with the opportunity to falter. I keep changing up my workouts periodically to keep the boredom at bay. I consciously eat less. I make every effort to cook meals at home. If there is something that I can absolutely not get out of my head after a week, I have it.
For the first time in four years I can actually see myself making progress. I see a smaller me in the mirror. My workouts are harder and last longer. My clothes are looser, the scale numbers are falling, and it feels great. Why I didn't spend my time on this earlier escapes me. However, I'm here now and will not be going back.
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