Deja Vu

Things I'm NOT going to do:

1) Get down on myself 

2) Be disgusted with my body

3) Injest food that provides no nutritional benefit

4) Feel sorry for myself

5) Apologize for where I'm at

6) Stop fighting

Things I AM going to do:

1) Be patient with myself

2) Be proud of all my body is capable of

3) Drink water like its going out of style

4) Move my body

5) Eat purposefully and nutritiously

6) Trust the process

7) Keep fighting

Nearly six years ago, I remember having this crippling pain in my side.  At times it would take my breath away.  I just toughed it out for a few days.  I didn't know what else to do.  Eventually I freaked myself out enough to make a doctor's appointment and get it checked out.  I went into the doctor's office and told him I had this mysterious pain on my left side for the past 5 days, and didn't know what it was.  I got a full battery of questions, tests, pokes, prods, etc.  Still nothing.  Well, let's do a CT Scan and see if its kidney stones, or what.  For some reason, a CT Scan seemed so serious- was that really necessary?  So into the weird tube I went.  I had convinced myself I was dying by this point.  CT Scan came back with nothing.  Not even a kidney stone.  Verdict?  Diverticulitis.  Treatment?  Take some Advil and rest.  Awesome.  Five days of pain and $900 later, I take some Advil and rest.  

I suppose this was a turning point of sorts for me though, I remember when they weighed me at the beginning of the appointment, seeing a number I had never seen before.  This little "scare" pushed me to start taking better care of myself, and about 2 weeks later I started this blog.  

Fast forward to this weekend.  On Saturday I started coming down with a headache.  I didn't think too much of it, took some Advil, and went on with my day.  By middle of the night, and into Sunday, it was unbearable.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't open my eyes, I just wanted a new head.  Soon the nausea kicked in, and I couldn't even keep water down.  Of course I had myself convinced I had a brain tumor or worms eating my brain, and I had days left on the planet.  All I wanted was to cuddle with my son, but all he wanted to do was shriek in my face and bounce on my stomach.  By the end of the day, convinced things were just not right, I had the hubs take me to Urgent Care.  Some anti-nausea meds, a shot in the butt, and a script for Imitrex, I was good to go.  Until the middle of the night and my headache returned with a vengeance.  I decided a trip the to ER was in order- something just wasn't right.  Blood work, morphine IV, and CT scan- another CT scan?  Really?  This time only my head went into the ring but I was pretty out of it.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.  Verdict?  Everything looked fine.  Treatment?  Rx for some fancy Aleve, rest, and water.  Awesome.  Worst headache ever, $1000? later, I take some Aleve and drink water.  

This is another turning point for me.  I wanted nothing more than to feel normal when my head was about to explode.  I kept thinking it all had something to do with how I've been treating my body the last year, and how if I were at a more normal weight, I wouldn't be dealing with this.  I never want to feel like that again.  With that pain fresh in my mind, I've been making good decisions.  I want to continue to make good decisions, for me, for my body, so I can live the longest life possible and enjoy every shriek and stomach bounce thrown my way.  There is nothing greater in my life than absorbing the energy of my 2 year old, and feeling my best to accept it.