Friday, August 10, 2012

Mind F*&k

What a week its been.  When my life gets busy, coming here to detail my workouts and nutrient intake is the last thing on my mind.  The only way to describe how I feel right now is exhaustion, complete mental exhaustion.  I plan on crawling into bed immediately after informing all of you that my absence has not been filled with cake, brownies, and ice cream while watching the Olympics. 

Quick Review of the week:

Monday I hit 2 awesome PR's at the gym, a 225# back squat!!!!!  And a 95# military press (overhead, no legs)!!!!!  I was pretty excited about these, however, when trying for a deadlift PR, I was only able to get 235# off the ground, when a month ago I got 255# on a random day.  Found out a promotion I applied for would be interviewing a WHOLE lot sooner then I was expecting/wanting.  Had meeting after work in which got me thinking about some serious decisions I am long overdue in making.  Very stressful stuff- not blog worthy. 

Tuesday my interview for the position that would be a huge promotion was scheduled.  I proceeded to freak out internally and try to "study" as much as possible.  This stress coupled with stressful stuff from Monday made for lots of stress.  At the gym I worked on my power snatch skills, and found that I have a mean split snatch- might be my new favorite lift.  Fave trainer called me "old skool" in the best way possible. 

Wednesday's are always super busy at work due to a weekly conference call I lead.  The conference call prevents me from going to the gym during lunch.  I spent hours in evening studying for interview.  this position is a little bit of a reach for me, so in order to build some confidence, I was trying to cram as much new pertinent information into my brain as possible.

Thursday at the gym I jumped on the 24" scary box 5 times successfully.  I felt quite accomplished.  I spent more hours studying for the interview, and just basically gave into the fact that I was not going to be able to get anything done until interview was over.  I also received confirmation of my interview, and a list of attendees on the call. The list of attendees stressed me out.   

Friday-interview day!  Woke up super early, before my alarm, showered, put on a skirt and make-up, even though the interview was over the phone, I wanted to look/feel the part.  Spent all morning freaking out/trying to focus on key messages I wanted to convey.  Received text messages of encouragement from mom and the bf deluxe.  Had interview, did the best I could, and of course thought of a million good/better things to say AFTER.  Eased back into m normal life...went floating on a local spring fed lake after work, and spent some quality time with a friend who could give me some guidance on Monday's stress topic. 

Between the water and the events of the week, I want to crawl under a rock and stay for a month.  I want to know right now if I made it to the next round of interviews. I want to know what is going to happen in my life with ALL the unknowns right now.  NOW.  If only it worked that way...

I have no idea when it happened, but I am a grownup.  I'm no longer struggling to make the right decisions to prove how grownup I am.  I just am.  There are consquences for my actions.  I just do.  I can not always do what is best for the moment, I need to think about my future.  I just know.


  1. Grownupness has been dawning on me all week too. Craziness. I have no idea what your job or the promotion entails but I do know you are unbelievably qualified and and way over talented for it. I was just talking to C on the phone and between you, her and me...we are going to impact this fucking world. Not in the sophomoric way of college grand schemes but in the tangible, honest, awesome way of real people. good luck!!! I super really hope you get the promotion!!! You deserve it my amazing friend!!!!!

  2. I am exhausted just reading your post. Congrats on keeping up with everything despite the stress of the interview. Let us know how it turned out. I am sending positive vibes your way!

  3. Whew that was a busy one! Good luck with the job, fingers crossed you can move on.