Friday, August 31, 2012

Even MORE Tips for Success

I'm flattered by how many people appreciated and commented on yesterday's post. Of course, in typical fashion of myself, I thought of MORE things I would like to rant about/share after hitting publish. So, here we go- a follow up post with even more tips for success/pet peeves.

I know sarcasm doesn't come across too well in print. So I just want to say for those that don't know me, I'm very sarcastic, and as much as I think I'm right, these tips are just as much for me as they are for the people stuck on a merry-go-round. I can name every friggin' horse on the carousel, I've been there so many times myself. But, I have learned something new each lap on that carousel.

1) Stop comparing yourself to others, on all fronts (I know sizing up other girls is practically like breathing for women. The sooner you stop, the better your life will be). Every single person has strengths and weaknesses. When you compare yourself to others, you run the risk on comparing your weakness to someone's strength. In layman's terms, we call this comparing apples to oranges. It just doesn't work. Don't do it. Compare apples to apples, by comparing yourself to you and only you. Be the best YOU that you've ever been. What's that? A month ago you could only do 5 push-ups on your toes, now you can do 20?!?!? That is what I'm talking about.

2) Do not fear fat. Eat fat. Eat as much fat as your heart desires! Fat is satiating, necessary, and contrary to popular opinions, it does not make you fat. You know what makes you fat? Sugar. Limit sugar by all means necessary. When you can eat things like bacon and avocado for breakfast who the hell needs crap like 'Fiber One' cereal? If you are having issues pooping, check out your fat intake, I would bet a serious amount of money that you aren't eating enough. Take 3 fish oil capsules, eat 1/2 an avocado, and call me in the morning.

3) FISH OIL. As far as I'm concerned, this stuff is miracle juice. Quality is of the utmost importance here. Down anywhere from 3-5g GRAMS/day depending on how deficient in Omega-3s you feel you are. Eventually, as you change the ratio of Omega-3's to Omega-6's in your body, you can ease up on the fish oil. If I lost you at Omega-3 and Omega 6, do some research on the subject. Then proceed to eat grass fed meats, pasture eggs, salmon, and FISH OIL. If you don't get sore after workouts that you should get sore after, you are ingesting enough fish oil.

4) Teach by example. Do not say one thing and do another. Stop feeding your kids junk. Believe it or not, your kids are not listening to what you say. They are watching what you do. This means, if you go on random "health kicks" and throw all of the junk food out of the house and eat lettuce and ice cubes for a week only to drive to a fast food restaurant at the end of that week and proceed to eat (and let your kid eat) anything and everything you want, your kids are not going to get the eat healthy message. Weird, huh? I can't believe how many bloggers I read that are "eating so clean" and then they go out and give their kids donuts!!!! Do you want your kids to pick up the same bad habits as you? Food as a reward, food as enjoyment, etc. Food is fuel. You want to get the most nutrients you can out of the things you eat. Tell me, what sort of nutritional value is a donut providing? If you are eating healthy 90% of the time, and active, your kids are going to pick up on that. They will learn to like their vegetables, be active, will probably prefer fruit over a donut eventually, and take that with them into adulthood. That doesn't mean skip making them a cake on their birthday. A birthday is a once a year event. Once a year. Smell what I'm stepping in?
4b) Same thing goes for friends/co-workers etc. Do not go blasting around what your current "plan" is. Just do it, and if you are successful and a good example to your body, others will take notice and want to know exactly what you are doing. When someone ASKS you can tell them. Otherwise, no one gives a shit.

5) Those ridiculous 'toning' shoes? Yeah, they don't work. There have even been some pretty famous lawsuits due to the fact that they don't work. See here:

6) Maybe my biggest peeve right now...TONING. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TONING. You are losing some of the fat/water barrier between your skin and muscle so your muscles show more. That's it. There is no specific weight room regimen that you should use for "toning." The lower weight for higher reps is bullshit. Women do not get bulky from lifting heavy weights. Women do not have enough testosterone to get the same level of bulk that men do. Really. The women that you see in body building competitions follow a specific diet, lifting, and most likely supplement program, but most of all, they have such a ridiculously low amount of body fat, the muscles they do have show like crazy. They are not "bulky" they just have NO fat.

7) If I had complete control over the world, I would round up all the Brazillian Butt-lift people and Body by Vi people and send them to an island Hunger Games style where the only way for them to get food and water would be to debate the science behind whichever of the above methods they were a firm (pun intended) believer in. Winner of the debate would be based on the number of actual facts that can be backed up by science, and would get food/water. Of course, this would be televised as enjoyment for all those that know how funny and ironic that would be.


  1. I love this!!!! Especially #4. So true. "do you see what I'm stepping in?". Lol. Best quote of my Friday. Thanks for posting this. Our kids will definitely model after us.

  2. You're killin' me, Vb! The choir is singin' right along with you. A certain "Skinny Cow" aficionado (whose readers, after my reference to her choice of dessert, have given me the moniker "The Anti-Skinny Cow," which I wear proudly) is also known for giving her children donuts but then patting herself on the back when she's on a health kick and says no to their requests for those fried droppings of Satan...dude, you're so right: kids know bullshit when they smell it and they will work all your weaknesses so these little infrequent blasts of "We're all going to get healthy!" followed by "We deserve pizza for having been so good for three days" are just feeding the fire of all the advertising they're exposed to and all the junk their friends "get" to eat. My Spawn asked for Pack-its insulated bags for school so they can bring salads and Greek yogurt for lunch. I remember Emma telling me last year that only she and one of her friends brought a piece of fruit or a container of veggies for snack every day; all the other 4th graders had Doritos or cookies or those awful crackers and "cheez" with the red plastic stick in the package...gross.

  3. Just had to let you know...someone commented on *your* comment over at you-know-where, saying that "the gym is torture."

  4. Have I told you lately that I love you?