A few days ago I wrote about how I sometimes have a tendency to hold back a little bit when exercising. In my head I'm saving up for what could possibly be around the corner, yet sometimes around the corner is nothing. That leaves me with times of not giving 100%. When I do this, I'm only hurting myself in the long run. Sure, I'm putting forth an effort, but without giving it my absolute ALL, then I'm not going to progress as fast. I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm doing something so great, yet I'm not giving it everything I have. High achievers would not understand this AT ALL and think "what's the point?"
After this mini-epiphany of mine...how my whole life I've been taking short cuts, I really tried to focus on making sure that each workout I was not slacking or trying to mentally prepare for more which was never coming. I wished there was a definite way I could KNOW that I was giving it my all. The degree to which I am out of breath is not a solid indicator. My internal dialogue is not a solid indicator. Holding back tears? That is as solid as it gets for me.
Saturday's workout seemed harmless enough. Its always the workouts that seem easiest on the big white board that end up being the worst. 200 jump rope, 100 skier jumps (lateral jumps over a 12" bar, back and forth), 50 dead lifts (105#, but one of my favorite moves) and 25 strict pull-ups (least favorite). After the 200 jump ropes, I was keeping pace with everyone else. The skier jumps quickly put me behind the pack, however I made up a lot of time on deadlifts. I was still last, but not nearly by the gap I was after skier jumps. Moving onto the pull-ups...I was using the largest assist rubber band. I still could not get my chin over the bar. Now everyone was done and looking at me. I had two trainers telling me to keep it up. They had me move to "ring rows" which are for people that cannot even do a rubberband pull-up. It was hard. I was giving it my all, there was no question because the back of my throat was dry, and my eyes started to gather tears. Luckily I was sweating so much, I doubt it was noticeable. The rest of the group routing for me did not help matters.
I hate being the last one to finish. I hate that my exercises have to be modified beyond modified. But...but. At least I found my limits. What I have to do EVERY SINGLE TIME to ensure that I'm doing everything I can. I must push myself every time to the verge of tears. Have my body be so utterly exhausted that it is a real possibility I could cry in front of the whole gym. Then I know, I have nothing else in me.
I'm still sore today from Saturday's WOD, but it could also be the 2 hours of soccer and football I played after CrossFit on Saturday that are contributing as well. I'm also down 1 pound...so something must have clicked.