Friday Fight with "Food Addiction"

I am officially declaring a fight with the phrase "Food Addiction." It's bullshit. I do not believe you can be addicted to something that is required for sustaining life. What you can be addicted to is a habit of consuming too much, or a feeling that too much food or certain foods give you. But addicted to food? No. You don't hear about "air addictions" or "water addictions" why? Because these are things you can not give up entirely. The phrase alone, "food addict" is inherently setting people up to fail, and simuletaneously giving people an excuse.

Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, etc., we are so quick to jump to the conclusion that doing something in excess is an "addiction." A person that is having a hard time controlling their weight automatically diagnoses themselves with a "food addiction." What is the traditional "cure" for addictions? Giving them up entirely. Well, now that works well for things like alcohol, gambling, and drugs, but no one can give up food entirely. This is how people are set up to fail.

Someone that diagnoses themselves as a "food addict" goes through the mock steps of accepting it, then possibly trying to change it, and most likely followed by the realization that they cannot simple give up food. This leads to throwing ones hands in the air, saying "I'm a food addict, but I have to eat food, so, guess I'm screwed." This is how people are given an excuse with the term "food addict."

I acknowledge that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, however I will never comfort myself under the blanket of a "food addiction." I have years of habit forming overeating to break. I like the way certain bad foods make me feel (perhaps dopamine is released?), but I also like the way I feel when I resist temptations, and the way I feel after a good, hard workout. Overeating and eating certain foods are things I CAN give up. I can not give up food altogether.

One thing I've learned is that fat people LOVE excuses. And I refuse to give myself another excuse by claiming a FOOD ADDICTION. End of fight.

My Spandex is Baggy

I recently acquired this beautiful cake plate (it was a present from my mom for getting through the interview, before I had heard either way). The timing of the cake plate acquisition does not coincide very well with the timing of me trying to change my eating habits. Such is life. As soon as I got this plate, all I wanted to do was make a huge, fabulous, giant, covered in fluffy frosting, layer cake. For the past week, CAKE could not be thrown from my mind for more then 5 minutes.

This happens to me a lot, actually. I get these ideas (food based usually) that I absolutely CANNOT get out of my head until a) I make them, b) I eat them or c) both. I guess one could call them cravings, but it goes beyond that. I have a hard time believing that a pregnant lady will have cake (or some other "craving") in her mind for a full week, and not do anything about it. I think a craving is somehow more carnal, and gets satisfied immediately no matter what.

No, what I have is beyond a craving, obsession would be a better description. For the past week I have been thinking about what kind of cake to make, then talking myself out of it because a) I'm trying to change my habits, b) making a whole cake for two people is ridiculous, c) it isn't anyone's birthday, d) I will eat it, e) I must figure out a way to deal with these obsessions that doesn't result in me consuming the said food. These obsessions usually always involve foods that are not the best for me...some of my frequent ones- Thai food, Paseo (life changing pork sandwiches), cake, Indian food, you get the idea.

Finally last night, I broke down. I got home, made a delicious salad for dinner, and as I was chopping lettuce, I noticed the pineapple I bought at the store the other day needed to be cut. So after dinner, I begin cutting it, and then, *cake* flashes through my head. Oh, how cute a pineapple upside-down cake would look on my new plate. I will just make it, I don't have to eat any. I'll make it for Dave, yeah, he likes cake. We can freeze some. See? Crazy.

So I made the cake. I did not eat any yet (well, if you don't include batter). And it does look pretty on my new plate. I figure, hey, I got the cake plate thing out of my system. I did not make a huge 3 layer frosting laden cake like I was originally planning, and pineapple upside-down cake is practically fruit (kidding).

I do know that the more I give into my "obsessions" the more obsessions I have, and the more I give in, and the more obsessions I have. I do know that when I don't plan ahead I'm more likely to make bad decisions. I do know that sometimes I just need to get something out of my system (like making a cake) and move on.

Oh, and today, at the gym, I noticed my spandex pants are getting wrinkly around my legs, and they are not really tight. Baggy spandex? That's an oxymoron. Guess its time for new workout clothes.

Ode to the Foam Roller

After I lost 10 pounds, my biggest fan sent me a gift. I opened up the the package and found this inside:
No, its not some trendy decoration, dog toy, or sex pillow. Its a FOAM ROLLER, and its so awesome it deserves to be on a pedestal (especially one my dog can't reach). This tool can simulate deep tissue sports massage that runners and other athletes swear by. I'm too cheap to see a sport masseuse, so I roll my body over this thing nearly every night while watching tv.

My right hip gives me trouble sometimes when I begin to run a lot. I think it has something to do with my mattress sucking, and being out of alignment. So I tend to favor my right side. I've even noticed a little bit of asymmetry in my legs. So, I googled "foam roller exercises" and got this.

The roller is in no way as fun as it looks. First I must battle my dog because anytime I'm on the floor, he thinks its playtime, and he wants to tear the roller to shreds. Second, it hurts, and is practically a workout in itself to do some of the recommended exercises, but the results? The results are so worth it. I already see a huge difference in my hip, and the exercises do get easier each day.

A huge THANK YOU to my biggest fan for introducing me to the foam roller! We will run together again soon, and I will be running the whole way.

Back in the Saddle Again

Much like couples do after say...20 years of marriage, I have decided to renew my vows. Only the vows I'm renewing are to myself, for my life, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, with me. Eight weeks ago I vowed to be a healthier me. I started a new routine, entirely changed the composition of my meals, and significantly cut down on the amount of food that was entering my mouth. Last week I was tested, and I am determined to come out of the test with flying colors, hence the renewed commitment.

Over the last 8 weeks, I have lost a total of 15 pounds. My scale somehow said I was one pound lower today, but I have no idea how that is possible. Bodies are magical. Last week I was out of town for three days interviewing for a job in California that I really wanted. I was worried about being out of my routine so early in my journey, and I was worried about what a potential disappointment in not getting the job could do to me. I found the time to workout at the hotel gym, and I ate as close to what I eat here as I could while away. I nailed the interview and felt great. On the flight home, I came down with a cold. All I want to do when I'm sick is sleep and eat. I was not able to return to my routine as soon as I got home like I wanted. I got offered the job, but not at the salary that meets my requirements. I spent the best February weekend ever recorded in Seattle doing nothing but lounging and eating (sick).

I am putting last week behind me. My cold is waning, I have no plans to go anywhere anytime soon, and I have come to terms with not accepting the job in California. Full steam ahead into my routine...with a renewed commitment to myself. I went to the gym this morning, I packed my standard lunch today, I am back in the saddle again!

I Lost. (Won?)

So, the company is sticking to their low-ball offer. They gave me the weekend to "think about it." As much as I said I was ok with whatever the outcome was, I feel a little defeated. Being sick probably doesn't help much either. I know I'm not capable of seeing the reason right now why this didn't work out for me, and I take comfort in the philosophy of "it wasn't meant to be." But still. I have an ego.

When I find myself in this situation, I often make pro/con list of the outcome in my head. In this case, the "pro" is not getting the job. The problem with those is that they are imaginary, frequently changing, and subject to A LOT of bias. My pro/con list would go something like this:

PRO/ CON
I have a job/ I have THIS job
I do not have to move/ California is sunny
I can keep up my great routine/ I'm way more active in the sun
I stuck to my guns/ I turned down a good job
I have great friends here/ I have no friends there
My boyfriend has a job here/ My boyfriend has no job there
I can try and sell my condo again/ I could buy a cheap house there
Learning to kiteboard in the summer/ Water is over 40 minutes away
I don't have to quit the condo board/ I wouldn't be on the condo board
Pedro hates hot weather/ I love the sun
Moving would be expensive/ They don't cover relocation costs

In all honesty, making this pro/con list and writing this post is keeping me distracted from what I really want to do. I want to eat something horrible and comforting. I'm sure if I wasn't sick, I would be craving a good long run, but for now I want to "treat" myself with food.

I have to stop using food as a reward, or comfort, or as a tool to make me happy. I've been at this long enough to know that the food will not make me happier, and a reward of tighter jeans is not really a reward at all. I will feel so much better if I just get some rest, focus on getting over this cold, and eating the soup my boyfriend made for me. Besides, I can't taste anything anyway!

This too shall pass, I know, however, until then, I'm just going to keep repeating the rehearsed lines (justifications) until I really believe them. "It was a great experience." "Something better will come along." "I didn't want to look desperate." "I'm lucky I'm in a position where I can turn down a job." "Now I don't need to buy a new work wardrobe." "Receptionists and conference rooms aren't that great anyway." "Their salary offer was insulting."

Sigh.

Tug of War

Well,




THEY OFFERED ME THE JOB.




They also offered me a horrible salary.




This is the first time in my life I have not immediately accepted a job.




I will be sad if I don't get the job because of stupid salary requirements, but I have to remember that I have a lot going for me here in Seattle, and remaining at this crappy job means no relocating, no making new friends, no shake up to my routine...easy. Also, in 4 months, assuming I get my annual raise, I will be making what they offered me here.

I will be annoyed if I miss a shot at getting out of here because I am asking for a lot, but, its so SUNNY there. And I hate this job. I'm over Seattle. My friends here won't really miss me. I could get a new routine. And they had a CONFERENCE ROOM.

Stay tuned to find out who wins the war.

And....I'm Sick

Yeah, about 1/4 of the way into my flight home from Ontario, CA to Seattle, WA I instantly came down with a head cold. It was the strangest thing to happen, I thought it was allergies at first, but then, instant cold. I only get about one cold a year, so I'm due, but still, doesn't my body know I have a gym to go to and plan to stick too?

In my near 31 years, I've learned a lot about my body. Some of it I have to keep learning, but never the less, I feel pretty in-tune with myself. Normally, I can feel a cold coming on, and combat it with mass amounts of Airborne. In high school and college, I used to get a cold immediately after finals. It was like my bodies way of knowing it could finally relax. So, I'm thinking since I just had a BIG interview, my body says, "hey, time for a cold!" Fair enough, I pick this option over sniffling and sneezing DURING my interview!

So, the interview. I had half a day on Monday to explore the city my prospective job is in, and I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the town was clean, scenic, and had a nice vibe to it. The fact that it was 75 degrees perfect didn't hurt any either. I had dinner outside, on a patio, without a jacket on in February. I took as many pictures as I could for Dave. I wanted to make it an early night, since I still had some studying to do before my interview, and I wanted to straighten my hair (a 1.5 hour task).

Monday night, I straightened my hair, which only took 30 minutes, thanks to the zero humidity, and reviewed California noise regulations. I woke up on Tuesday nervous, but mostly calm. My mom and I had a quick breakfast at the hotel, and I went upstairs to get ready. I was excited to wear my suit, nylons, and heels and pretend for a day that I was a professional.

I headed over to the office at 8:30am, ready to face whatever they threw my way. I opened up the door, and a whoosh of clean, air-conditioned air washed over me. I walked over to the receptionist (THEY HAD A RECEPTIONIST!) and introduced myself. She told me to have a seat in the conference room (THEY HAD A CONFERENCE ROOM!) and Michelle would be right with me. The office was so...office-y. Michelle (company president) went over all I was going to do, and it was a full day. She apologized because she had a lunch meeting, and couldn't take me out as she planned. She led me to the station I would be working at, and gave me my first piece of the interview. She wanted me to fill out a "work plan" for a project, and gave me an e-mail from a client, with the details of the project. She gave me an example to follow. The example was 12 pages. She said, "I'll give you about an hour." Whaaaa???? I couldn't retype that whole thing in an hour, let alone make an entirely new one!? So, 2.5 hours later, I was still working on it, and she comes over and asks how I'm doing. I show her where I was at, and she said to just finish up, have lunch, and then gave me the next assignment.

A few minutes later, one of the girls in the office came over and said that they wanted to take me to lunch. I agreed, and had lunch with most of the office. One girl was out for the day, and one guy didn't want to join the rest of us for lunch since he brought his own. Everyone was easy to talk to, friendly, and it was not awkward at all.

After lunch, I went back to work on the assignments, and things started moving along better as I got into more interesting stuff. At the end of the day, Michelle had me go out and take a field noise measurement, to ensure I knew what I was doing. I got back from that portion of the interview at 5:15pm. All the girls had gone home, and Michelle was on a call, but still wanted to talk to me. I waited till 5:30 or so, and Michelle and her husband/business partner came over to talk to me. It was a relaxed conversation, in which we wrapped up the events of the day, she mentioned a CNN Money article that she and the company is featured in, spoke about the next step, and discussed good places for my mom to take me to dinner that night.

I left at 6pm. It was dark out! Whew. I drove back to the hotel, and my mom couldn't believe they kept me there that long. We went to one of the recommended spots, but forgetting it was Mardi Gras, had to wait FOREVER for a table/food/service. It was annoying, but couldn't disrupt the buzz I felt of nailing the interview. We got out of the restaurant at 10:30 pm.

So, I should be hearing from them in a week or two. Then the real fun begins!

I managed to get two workouts in in the three days I was there, and my eating was pretty good, considering I was away from home. I was so excited to get back into my routine today, and then I got sick. Needless to say I did not go to the gym this morning. Being sick makes me want to eat like crazy too, but I have to keep reminding myself of my goals. This blog is about my overall health, not just my weight. Being sick means a rest for my body, and an eventual boost to my immune system. If that isn't part of getting healthy, I don't know what is!