Today at the gym sucked. My head is currently stuck in a wormhole and I can't shake the bad attidude. I'm frustrated with myself, and I'm letting it get the best of me. I'm most upset because the reason why the gym sucked so bad today was due to fear, not ability. Ability you either have, or you can obtain. If you don't have the ability yet, you can practice, train, and give it time. But overcoming fear...well, that depends.
Its been a long time since I've felt this way. I felt like every single person in the gym today crossed the street and was playing in some awesome water park with puppies and ice cream, and I was stuck on the otherside of the road worried that I would get hit by a car. I recieved words of encouragement, from the people with ice cream all over their face, so would stick my toe into the road, and then, freeze. I. JUST. COULDN'T. DO. IT.
Meet the 24" box. AKA, my biggest fear? I can jump on the 20" box all day. I can jump onto the 20" box with a 45# (3") plate on it (23") with tons of room to spare (according to people watching). But the 24" box? Can't do it. I stare it down. I get ready, and then I freeze. Meanwhile, all the other kids in class were jumping on stuff 27"- 45." Its not that I can't jump that high, its that something in me won't. Its so frustrating. I know I just need to get over it and do it. Watching everyone else jump on higher things then me, I was last. Everyone (even the new people that just started) were doing something that I couldn't and it sucked. Like I said, I haven't felt like that in awhile. But more importantly, I don't know of an immediate fix?
So I felt discouraged. Helpless. Like all I do all day is useless and I might as well just go eat donuts. Crazy right? I mean, I'm focusing on one, stupid, tiny, thing and letting it dictate my mood? I know the reason why I'm most upset is because I have the ability. I am capable, yet I let my head talk me out of it.
How do you shut your brain off? How do you recover from a situation where you did not give 100%? Anyone?
Uggh this is such a hard one. I have a mental block about size 14 and being below 200 lbs. I'm 6 lbs away from being in Onederland and what have I done for the last two weeks, self sabotage with food. This week I have totally shut off my brain and I'm giving it 100%.
ReplyDeleteHere is the thing with the box maybe you'll fail, maybe when you attempt to jump on it, you won't make it, or you'll stumble. But failure is good in life, because at least you tried and we already know that you are succeeding, so if you fall you will get back up and try again, because that's who you are. I'm pretty sure most people have failed at attempting to jump on that box before, but you can't move forward in life if you never try at things. You will be stuck like the people who choose to lull their life away on a treadmill saying "I worked out" that isn't you, you try new things, you work out HARD and you TRY something new and push yourself. You fail, you get back up and you try again until you succeed. I have 100% faith in you.
The mental game is a tough one. You know how I struggle with my bench press; Mark, however, is fully convinced that if he led me with my eyes closed to the bench and made me lie down and take hold of the bar without ever seeing or hearing him say how much weight is on it, I would get that 135# rep out because...I wouldn't have it in my head that I can't do this. Like with my kids doing that crate-stacking thing at rock climbing class a few weeks ago...I'd be horrified, but they just do what the instructor tells them to do, because it never occurs to them that they "can't." I wish I knew how to break the spell, Vb; I'm sure it's kept me from more than my bench press goal in my life. I just go with this: my coaches would never steer me wrong. If Pat said I could run a mile with the weighted vest on, then of course I could...he's freakin PAT. If Jesse told me I could do 25 burpees without stopping, of course I could do them...he knows better than I do. And if Mark says I WILL get my 135# rep, then I will get it...duh, he's the expert! So if your CrossFit peeps say you can do it...believe them! When I would get tired during a private plyo workout with my friend Greg, he'd say, "Wanna quit? That's your stupid brain, Norma. Your brain sucks. Your body will NOT quit, ever. Tell your stupid brain to STFU and keep jumping..."
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