Today at the gym sucked. My head is currently stuck in a wormhole and I can't shake the bad attidude. I'm frustrated with myself, and I'm letting it get the best of me. I'm most upset because the reason why the gym sucked so bad today was due to fear, not ability. Ability you either have, or you can obtain. If you don't have the ability yet, you can practice, train, and give it time. But overcoming fear...well, that depends.
Its been a long time since I've felt this way. I felt like every single person in the gym today crossed the street and was playing in some awesome water park with puppies and ice cream, and I was stuck on the otherside of the road worried that I would get hit by a car. I recieved words of encouragement, from the people with ice cream all over their face, so would stick my toe into the road, and then, freeze. I. JUST. COULDN'T. DO. IT.
Meet the 24" box. AKA, my biggest fear? I can jump on the 20" box all day. I can jump onto the 20" box with a 45# (3") plate on it (23") with tons of room to spare (according to people watching). But the 24" box? Can't do it. I stare it down. I get ready, and then I freeze. Meanwhile, all the other kids in class were jumping on stuff 27"- 45." Its not that I can't jump that high, its that something in me won't. Its so frustrating. I know I just need to get over it and do it. Watching everyone else jump on higher things then me, I was last. Everyone (even the new people that just started) were doing something that I couldn't and it sucked. Like I said, I haven't felt like that in awhile. But more importantly, I don't know of an immediate fix?
So I felt discouraged. Helpless. Like all I do all day is useless and I might as well just go eat donuts. Crazy right? I mean, I'm focusing on one, stupid, tiny, thing and letting it dictate my mood? I know the reason why I'm most upset is because I have the ability. I am capable, yet I let my head talk me out of it.
How do you shut your brain off? How do you recover from a situation where you did not give 100%? Anyone?