Macrosomia?

About 4 weeks ago, at one of my routine midwife appointments, my midwife started hinting around about me having a large baby.  She said measuring fundal height on "larger" individuals isn't very accurate, and therefore they like to obtain other data.  She went on to say that she would like me to get an ultrasound at 31 weeks, and another at 36 weeks.  This annoyed me.  I didn't plan on any ultrasounds past 20 weeks, and its been shown numerous times that ultrasounds that late in pregnancy are not accurate for determining size.  So, why was I being ordered an ultrasound?!

 

I dutifully scheduled my 31 week u/s, and during the u/s found out that according to their measurements, baby was measuring 2 weeks ahead, and in the 95% percentile.  Ok.  So?  If, (and that's a big if) the measurement was accurate, there could still be several factors involved.  First, my husband is a 7 foot tall freak of genetic nature.  Second, maybe my due date is off.  But, most likely, the ultrasound is off. 

 

At my next midwife appointment last week where we discussed the results of the u/s, my midwife still seemed to think the size of my baby is a big deal.  She told me she was obligated to discuss C-section and offer me one if that's the route I wanted to take (really?  This discussion at 34 weeks?  Before I'd even tried?)  She felt around my stomach and thought at 34 weeks my baby was already 7lbs.  WHAT?!  I know she is a professional and all, and I've never been pregnant before, but I was like "there is no way my baby is 7lbs yet."  Sure, my belly has reached epic proportions.  I'm 34 (now 35) weeks pregnant!  I could give birth anywhere in the next 2-5 weeks.  Of course I'm huge.  So she had me schedule a 36 week u/s.  I left the appointment slightly irritated. 

 

Why, why, why, would anyone in the OB/midwife field tell a woman that they think she is having a huge baby.  I mean, even if that were true, and there was a way to know exactly for sure how big a baby is in-utero (there isn't by they way, but let's pretend) that is not something you should put into a mom to be's head.  Let her body do what it's going to do.  Just the idea that a woman is home to a "larger" baby might make the difference in labor between giving it a good try and having an unecessary C-section.  (disclaimer- there is nothing wrong with an individual choosing a c-section.  What I have a problem with is the high number of uneccesary c-sections that are performed in the U.S.  Personally, I'd like to use the opening I have, and not create any new ones with major surgery. That's just me, I definitely don't look down on people that have had them, just the doctors who are too quick to choose that route.  K?)

 

The whole reason why I was so set on getting care from a midwife is because I never wanted to be scared into things that had no basis.  I didn't want to get talked into induction if I went past 40 weeks.  I didn't want to get talked into excessive testing.  And I certainly didn't want to get talked into a C-section due to "suspected large baby."  So I peppered my midwife with questions: "will there be a time in labor when its obvious my baby is too big for my frame?"  Yes.  "if I'm eating too many calories for my needs, does that mean the baby packs on extra weight as well?"  No.  "aren't late ultrasounds notoriously inaccurate at predicting size?"  Yes.  "I could just deliver earlier, right?"  Yes.   

 

It was like an exercise in futility.  What was the big "worry?"  If there is no real way to tell exactly how big my baby is until it comes out and is placed on a scale, WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS?  Just to give me something to stress about for the next 4 weeks?  Just to give my insurance something extra to bill?  True macrosomia (baby larger than 8lbs 13oz) isn't diagnosed until after a baby is born.  It also only affects about 9% of babies. 

 

My plan is to continue doing what I'm doing and let my body do what it is going to do.  I trust my body.  I HAVE to trust my body in order to ensure nothing happens to it that I don't want or don't need- this is true during pregnancy and during non-pregnancy.  I just have to wait and see what is in store for me (us). 

8 months...

Somehow I skipped my "7 months..." pregnant post.  Last month flew by faster than any month ever has in my life.  I did have a few entries last month, so those will have to suffice as my data for month seven.  Each week last month was filled with appointments, work travel, social obligations, emergency repairs to a condo that I may own for maybe one more month (yeah, my luck), and my regular life stuff- job, gym, house upkeep, etc.  I was hoping for a little reprieve this month, but seeing as it is already the 8th, and I haven't caught my breath yet, I don't see that happening. 

 

In some ways the non-stop activity is nice, it's bringing me closer and closer to my due date without me having time to think about that, or stress about it, but at the same time, it's bringing me closer to my due date without me having time to think!  There isn't too much left to do in terms of getting ready for baby.  I have a short list on my iPhone of things to do before baby.  Someone once told me to make sure I don't complete that list until I'm really ready, because its like your body knows once the last item is crossed off. 

 

For the most part I'm still feeling good.  I've graduated to sitting more hours at work, and on a yoga ball.  Luckily for me, my desk adjusts between sitting and standing positions, so I can have some variety in the day.  I get tired of sitting.  I get tired of standing.  I'm still sleeping ok, but rolling over in the night is a task!  For whatever reason, that is the most painful time for me, and dread rolling over to my other side, but when I'm on one side for too long, my hip gets achy.  I've severely cut back on the amount of food I eat at dinner, and sometimes if my lunch was big enough skip dinner altogether because this makes for a more comfortable night.  The baby seems to prefer me sleeping on my left side versus my right.  This baby is already trying to control me!

 

As far as dressing the bump goes, I think this sums it up well:

http://jezebel.com/a-field-guide-to-the-impossible-to-dress-pregnant-body-474991644

 

Sorry if it doesn't link, but its worth the copy and paste.  Whoever wrote that has clearly been following my pregnancy dressing to the T.  I'm still delusional thinking everything will return to somewhat normal asap post-baby...I fully know this is not the case- don't burst my bubble. 

 

Last night the hubby and I took a 'Newborn Care' class.  I believe about 20 minutes into the class when I looked over at the hubby craddling a plastic doll, sh*t got real.  Yes, I know I'm pregnant.  Yes, I know being pregnant eventually means I will have a baby.  But, ever since finding out, I've been really struggling with the reality that is a baby when this is all over.  Sure, we've got the crib, the stroller, the clothes, etc.  But somehow I haven't mentally connected that to "baby" yet.  I have no idea what it's going to be like to have to hold something all the time, think about something all the time, be careful with something all the time, and not get any sleep in the process.  I sort of got a glimpse of that in class last night, just having to hold a doll for an hour (I think at one point I was holding it upside down by one leg, and Dave gave me a look, so I returned to holding it like it was alive).  Then hearing about SIDS, infant bathing (watch out for cord stump? What?), swaddling, diapering, crankiness...it all became very real.  We are going to have a baby.   

 

Coming up on Saturday is 'Labor' class, I'm sure that will also bring about more realities.  It does feel good to be slowly checking these items off, even if I never end up using any labor techniques presented in the class, or suggestions from the newborn class.  They create the illusion of doing SOMETHING to prepare.  Feeling like I'm doing something to prepare for something that is unpreparble for gives me slight peace of mind?

 

It is so hard to believe that in just 4 short, activity filled weeks (more work travel, appointments, social stuff, etc.) I will be full term.  I'm a little cautious towards giving my due date any recognition, because 5% of women deliver on their due date.  Basically, now I have anywhere from 4-8 weeks until I could possibly give birth (at full term).  That's a helluva window.  Baby will come when baby is ready! 

 

 

All Good Things...

Recently it has dawned on me...no, dawned is not the right word...recently it has been freaking me out that this pregnancy is going to come to an end soon.  I never thought I would like being pregnant.  I just assumed it would be months of sickness, followed by months of getting larger, and ending with me being really awkward and uncomfortable until 'show time.'  I never gave much thought to the whole 'after' part of being pregnant, the part where you are in charge of an entire human and its well being.  Now that I realize the 'after' part is coming very quickly, I also realize that means my pregnancy is coming to an end, and I don't want it to! 

 

My wardrobe is so comfortable, I wear nothing but maxi-dresses, leggings, and jeans that have no buttons or zippers.  Sweets currently have no pull on me.  Fruit is like the best thing in the world.  I wake up smiling everyday.  I am so entertained by the little kicks and bumps inside my stomach, and even more entertained now that I can see them on the outside too.  Food tastes so good.  I've been able to keep up my regular gym/activity schedule with few modifications.  Strangers smile at me.  People are nicer to me in general.  I don't feel weird going to bed at 8:30p everynight.  My dreams are amazing.  My nails are the longest and strongest they've ever been.  My skin is clear and glowy.  I haven't had a need for a femine product in 7 months.  People share more information with me, and it has brought me closer to many friends.

 

I suppose there are a few things I miss- I haven't set foot into Banana Republic in 7 months.  I saw a girl on the street yesterday in a super cute outfit, and missed regular shopping.  Instead of missing my collarbone, I miss being able to see...um...something else.  I also miss striving for more in my workouts, currently I'm just trying to maintain my fitness.  I miss having goals, like getting a pull-up!  Fitness goals are hold for a little bit.   

 

All in all, that's a pretty short list of things to miss about non-pregnancy, however, my gym and my activities at the gym are so important to me, so I really am excited to get back to those in an uninhibited way.  I'm pretty confident that my desire to remain pregnant stems from fears I have about raising a little one.  Sure, I can joke about things that bother me as I did in yesterday's post, but in reality, a baby is so scary to me.

 

I've never changed a diaper.  I was never big on babysitting.  I'm the youngest.  Only recently (in the past 2 years) I've held a kid or two that can't hold its own head up.  What am I going to do when I have one of my own?!  I don't believe that it is all instinct.  There has to be some learning curve.  I'm sure I'll mess up, a lot.  So, yeah, you can say I'm freaking out.  However, I'm very lucky to have a few close friends that have taken this trip before me, and they have been an immense help.  They have been very open with their stories and lessons learned, and I know they will help me through any challenges I face. 

 

Enough of that for now.  I'm going to continue to rest stuff on my belly-shelf, feel like a goddess in my maxi dress, and smile at nothing.  Being pregnant is great. 

 

 

Heightened Awareness

Ever since becoming pregnant, I see babies and pregnant ladies everywhere.  Not sure if there were always this many floating around, or if all of a sudden they came out of the woodwork once I announced my pregnancy?  Yes.  That seems likely. 

 

I've also been noticing parents in public and parent friends of mine, as far as how they interact and react to their children.  I see a lot of what I DO NOT want to do.  For example:

- Being completely engrossed in my cell phone while my child plays/wants attention from me

- Giving my child my cell phone (or their own?!) to keep busy while adults finish dinner at a restaurant

- Try to reason with them when they are having a fit

- Allowing them to throw a fit in a public place for longer than it takes to remove them from said place (Target, grocery store, restaurant, etc.) 

- Constantly comparing my kid to other kids as if my kid was the first ever to poop, cry, smile, walk, whatever

- Say one thing, do another

- Become completely consumed with my child so that I am incapable of focusing on or doing anything else, and unaware of how stressful and suffocating that must be for the kid

 

Of course, I have also seen many things other parents do that I absolutely want to do:

- Take walks as a family

- Wear baby on either parent as often as needed

- Breastfeed whenever needed (including in public, with appropriate cover up)

- Say no to my kid

- Be relaxed about my childs wellbeing and allow others to hold him/her, feed him/her, etc. 

- Be thankful for any help I get with my childs care, and not critique it

- Take everything as it comes, and try to not get hung up on preconceived ideas of child rearing if they don't work for us

- Make time for ME

- Make time for me and husband

- Remember that not everyone feels the same way about my kid as I do (some people don't like kids)

- Laugh together as often as possible

- Remember that growth and struggle for baby is growth for mama

 

I know it's easy to type this stuff out now without a zillion hormones raging through my body, or the feelings of unending love for my child have kicked in.  My intent is to get this stuff out there, so I can come back in a few months an remind myself of my pre-child thoughts.  Of course I know many of my "do nots" I could end up doing, as I discover what exactly leads to doing those things. 

 

My biggest hope for us as parents is that we can be easy going and not stressed out over every little thing.  I know, easier said than done, especially for first time parents.  I also want to remind myself that babies are very resilient, moms are very resilient, and everything will work out.  It always does. 

 

 

The GD test

Monday marked a big milestone in my pregnancy, 28 weeks, and coincidentally my 3-hour glucose tolerance test.  I had a lot of mixed feelings about this test, some of them stemming from my own fears and others from the word on the street of high rates of false positives, test inaccuracy, etc. 

 

Being overweight the majority of my life, these types of tests tend to freak me out.  I mean, if you look at me, I might seem like a likely candidate for someone with pre-diabetes.  Certainly now pregnant, I might look like a case of gestational diabetes (GD) waiting to happen.  I'm nearly positive that is why my midwife chose to skip the 1-hour screening test altogether and just send me in for the 3-hour test.  "That way, we will know.  You'll either have it, or you won't."  Talk about pressure! 

 

The test consists of arriving at the lab/blood draw clinic after being fasted for 8-10 hours. My blood was drawn to test my fasting glucose level, and then I was given a oh, so syrupy sweet giant bottle (12oz? 14oz?) of lemon-lime flavored "drink" to consume in 5 minutes.  I'm a slow drinker to begin with, and this stuff was like sludge going down my throat.  It might have been better over ice, or if I could sip water in between.  I got it down, and then I had to wait an hour before my next blood draw.  Immediately I sucked down water and soon enough my stomach was pretty acidy feeling with all the additional fluids.  My blood was drawn again, and then I had another hour to wait before my last blood draw.  During this hour I drank water and paced up and down the halls of the office because I was bored and the magazine selection sucked.  After my last blood draw I raced out of the office and immediately downed some toasted coconut before arriving at my office and eating some chicken sausages.  Next up, waiting for the results. 

 

So, the few issues I have with the test are that for me, its a pretty unreal situation.  As far as, I can't think of a time where I would just willing ingest 75g of straight glucose in 5 minutes.  I mentioned this to the lady taking my blood, and her response?  "Oh, its really not that hard to do, its like eating 2 candy bars, one after the other."  Me- blank stare.  Clearly this was not the right audience for a discussion about the flaws of the test.  Also, even if one was to ingest 2 candy bars in a row, there is other stuff in the bars that slows the absorption of sugar, and just being in food rather than liquid form, your body metabloizes it differently.  So, back to my original statement, its a pretty unreal situation.  I was also worried about possible artificial ingredients in the drink, as I had seen some were bright orange colored or red colored.  Luckily, I didn't get a choice, but my lemon-lime drink was clear. 

 

Once the test was over, I just quit thinking about it.  I sort of made peace inside my head by thinking of all the things I do right in my current lifestyle.  I lift weights.  Heavy weights.  A lot.  I walk a lot.  I don't eat a standard american diet filled with easy carbohydrates and processed crap.  I consume tons of healthy fats (fermented cod liver oil =gold!) and I can go relatively long periods of time between eating without wanting to rip someones head off.  Deep down, it was settled for me.  I was not going to have a positive result, despite always having carried around a few-many extra pounds. 

 

The day following the test I was traveling for work and received a voicemail from my midwives office when I returned to cell service.  "Just letting you know the results of your glucose test- your blood sugars look great, you don't have GD.  Also, your iron levels look great, see you in 2 weeks for your scheduled appointment."  As much as I knew deep down I wasn't going to have it, I was SO RELIEVED because there is always that "what if?" factor.  As my good friend told me, I essentially have a parasite living in me.  A parasite that is changing my body, my hormones, and taking whatever it wants from me.  My parasite could alter stuff enough to kick me into GD territory, but luckily that doesn't appear to be the case.  Bring on the candy bars!  (kidding)

 

Now I'm officially in my 3rd trimester.  I can't beleive in 2ish months our family of 2 will become 3.  My thoughts now settle around having a healthy baby, and not being crazy parents.  Separate post to follow regarding crazy parents- what is a crazy parent, what makes parents crazy, things I hope to avoid, etc.  

 

6 months...

I know everyone says it, but I can't believe how fast pregnancy goes by.  Ten months sounds so long, and it is long...but it still goes by lightning fast.  I've been pregnant since January.  Well, December technically, but I didn't know till January.  So yeah, I've put in the time.  I have roughly 3 months to go.  Maybe 3.5 if in true fashion of a first child, it shows up late. 

 

According to my handy iPhone app, my fetus is the size of a hot house cucumber- 14 inches?  And about 2 lbs.  So crazy to think something that size is inside of me now.  I regularly forget that I'm pregnant and have this big round belly in front of me.  Then I see myself in the mirror or in a store window, and remember.  Or I feel some little kick or punch and I remember.  All in all, I think it's a pretty good sign to have moments where I don't feel pregnant.  Like I've mentioned before, I feel really good.  Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling so good because I know that is not the experience of every woman.  I know I still have time for things to take a drastic turn, and I could be faced with a few months of discomfort, but for now, I am focused on enjoying myself!

 

I insist on making it to as many of my noon time CrossFit classes as possible.  I'm averaging 3 times a week instead of my usual 4 days, mostly due to increased work duties, not because of pregnancy.  The workouts I feel the best after are the ones where we lift heavy weights and work up a sweat versus what people might consider traditional cardio such as running or the elliptical.  I've noticed that if I lift heavy enough weights fast enough, it IS cardio!  Just last week, I even hit a PR that I was not meaning to...strict press.  I was able to get 95# up overhead without any help from my legs.  My previous PR was 85# I think.  I like to think I had 2 extra arms helping me out.  However, I severely decrease my working weight on things like deadlifts, cleans, snatches, OH squats, and thrusters.  On the weekends, I've been walking a lot.  I just feel so much better when I move.  I know what I'm doing probably isn't the most conventional, but I feel like I'm listening to my body, and not pushing too hard while still holding onto some of my pre-pregnancy abilities.  I think the fact that I had been crossfitting for quite awhile before becoming pregnant helps immensely with knowing what I'm capable of, and when to back off a little. 

 

Heartburn occasionally rears its ugly head at 2am, but usually after I stand up, use the rest room and prop my head up with another pillow, I can return to sleep with no issues.  My fabulous sister got me a body pillow for my birthday, and wow, that thing is a pregnant woman's dream.  It has helped so much with the hip/pelvic pain I was experiencing during sleeping and rolling over.  There are also like 1,000 ways to contort the pillow so I see it has a future in my life post-pregnancy too.  On the eating front,  I can't seem to get enough fruit.  As all my favorite things come into season- nectarines, cherries, strawberries, melons...all I want is fruit, fruit, fruit.  Chocolate is not appealing to me (very weird) but fruit...I think I had 3 bowls of melon today and easily could have had 3 more. 

 

Food- food is the most amazing thing, especially after a workout.  Food tastes so good.  Especially things like mexican spiced chicken breasts (cumin and chili powder) on a salad with guacamole.  Or hunks of meat and vegetables cooked in the crockpot.  Or a plain burger patty.  Even the simplest things taste like they have been sent from heaven. I notice that I get full a lot faster, probably due to this thing pushing up on all my organs and stuff, so I really have to be careful to slowly enjoy what I'm eating and wait for those first cues that I've had enough.  Digestion is slower, and I'm just more comfortable when I have less food in my stomach at a time.  Pro-biotics have been a must, and I've been taking one with every meal rather than just one a day. 

 

When I started telling people I was pregnant, I was most often told about the physical changes that take place.  Perhaps people talk about those most because they are the most obvious.  However, I have been so suprised at all the mental work that goes on as well.   First, when I  discovered I was carrying a life, I wanted to know everything immediately.  I read, googled, talked to moms, trying to get everything figured out so I could be the bestest mom ever.  Then, as time went on, I realized there are more questions than answers, and everyone has a different opinion on what is best.  I relaxed a bit and began to come to grips with the unknown.  Next the drive to protect something that Ive never seen kicked in (literally, once it started kicking) and I panic if there isn't any movement for what seems like a long time.  Usually movement is felt shortly thereafter, but this cycle repeats itself several times throughout the day and night.  I imagine that this protective instinct is getting fostered during pregnancy, and will only get more intense after the baby arrives.  Currently, I'm at peace.  I've had 6 months to realize that I can not predict what may or may not happen in pregnancy or child rearing.  I must just take everything as it comes, and react appropriately for each situation.  I immediately felt so relaxed once I took the pressure off myself to LEARN everything and KNOW everything.  I've completely accepted that I do not know what is ahead of me, but whatever it is, it will be exactly what I need at the right time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

24 Weeks, 34, and New Perspectives

Happy Birthday to me.  Thirty-four years old, and 24 weeks pregnant.  I kinda wish those numbers were flip-flopped.  Except for the part about me having a baby at 24.  Yeesh.  I was in no condition to have a baby at 24, so maybe we better leave those numbers where they are. 

 

I can see now why this great universe of ours gives us 10 months of pregnancy.  Through the advice I've received (solicited and unsolicited), talks with my midwife, watching friends finish their pregnancies, and my own research in the past 24 weeks, so many of my perspectives on pregnancy, birth, and raising a child have changed. 

 

I spent the first few weeks of my pregnancy obsessed with birth.  Reading about birth, watching videos, asking people about their birth stories in an attempt to figure out the exact birth I wanted.  At some point I came across a piece of advice, and consequently, my intensity surrounding my birth ceased- "birth is one (maybe two) days.  The important thing is to focus on the 18+ years that follow that day."  Right?  I mean, I was spending a lot of time focusing on this event, and in reality, there are so many other things that came along with a newborn.  I began broadening my research to include sleep training techniques, breastfeeding, and general baby- raising things.

 

Recently 2 good friends of mine have had their pregnancies come to an end, and the next chapter of newborn alien invasion has begun.  I think I have learned so much from their experiences, and I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends tell me things that only one pregnant person can tell another pregnant person.  I've enjoyed the days leading up to their births, their birth stories, and the days immediately after birth immensley.  Once again, I had a huge shift in my thinking regarding birth, and coincidentally came across a great piece of advice in the current book I'm reading.  "You may not have the birth you want, but you will have the birth that you need."  Isn't that true of everything in life though?  When I think back on my life, all the times I have thought I wanted something, or even pushed for something only to have it backfire or not workout, whatever took its place ended up being exactly what I needed. 

 

Today, I'm taking comfort in the fact that I feel amazing these days, and whatever needs to happen will happen.  I've been sleeping well.  My workouts have been great, and making me feel great (155# front squats the other day for dayz made my hips/back/core feel amazing!).  I've been eating such good food, and my general disposition/mood is sunny.  (that might make some people that know me irl laff a little).  But seriously, it is true what they say about the 2nd trimester- it is the golden phase of pregnancy.