Ever since becoming pregnant, I see babies and pregnant ladies everywhere. Not sure if there were always this many floating around, or if all of a sudden they came out of the woodwork once I announced my pregnancy? Yes. That seems likely.
I've also been noticing parents in public and parent friends of mine, as far as how they interact and react to their children. I see a lot of what I DO NOT want to do. For example:
- Being completely engrossed in my cell phone while my child plays/wants attention from me
- Giving my child my cell phone (or their own?!) to keep busy while adults finish dinner at a restaurant
- Try to reason with them when they are having a fit
- Allowing them to throw a fit in a public place for longer than it takes to remove them from said place (Target, grocery store, restaurant, etc.)
- Constantly comparing my kid to other kids as if my kid was the first ever to poop, cry, smile, walk, whatever
- Say one thing, do another
- Become completely consumed with my child so that I am incapable of focusing on or doing anything else, and unaware of how stressful and suffocating that must be for the kid
Of course, I have also seen many things other parents do that I absolutely want to do:
- Take walks as a family
- Wear baby on either parent as often as needed
- Breastfeed whenever needed (including in public, with appropriate cover up)
- Say no to my kid
- Be relaxed about my childs wellbeing and allow others to hold him/her, feed him/her, etc.
- Be thankful for any help I get with my childs care, and not critique it
- Take everything as it comes, and try to not get hung up on preconceived ideas of child rearing if they don't work for us
- Make time for ME
- Make time for me and husband
- Remember that not everyone feels the same way about my kid as I do (some people don't like kids)
- Laugh together as often as possible
- Remember that growth and struggle for baby is growth for mama
I know it's easy to type this stuff out now without a zillion hormones raging through my body, or the feelings of unending love for my child have kicked in. My intent is to get this stuff out there, so I can come back in a few months an remind myself of my pre-child thoughts. Of course I know many of my "do nots" I could end up doing, as I discover what exactly leads to doing those things.
My biggest hope for us as parents is that we can be easy going and not stressed out over every little thing. I know, easier said than done, especially for first time parents. I also want to remind myself that babies are very resilient, moms are very resilient, and everything will work out. It always does.
LOL I am glad you mentioned revisiting on your own. I was going to suggest that you look back at this post in 2-3 year. :) Says the mom that hands over her cell phone/reason with and not run out of the store when a fit happens.
ReplyDeleteThat is a slippery slope in my opinion. People may get annoyed but if I told my kid no to candy and he cries then I am not going to give it to him just to make him stop. Nor am I going to "give in" by leaving the store he doesn't want to be in because he knows I will if he cries. Usually it is a reason with/try and figure out how to distract him so he forgets about it.
Now obviously if said child is tired or hungry then that is your choice in trying to drag them there and you should expect a meltdown. (General statements- not pointing fingers at anyone.)
This is a great list! I would add one thing that I saw in my experience as a nanny (I don't have kids) is to avoid the "martyr mom" complex. The martyr mom never makes her child wait for anything and always puts the child first in meaningless ways that don't actually help the child grow and learn. Example: mom uses her own sleeve to wipe child's nose, when tissue box is sitting three feet away (result: kid thinks she can wipe her nose on any adult's sleeve--gross!). She puts off eating her own meal to coax a not-really-hungry child to eat instead, etc... I always wanted to tell these women that a) you are not actually helping your child and b) no one will be giving you a medal for acting like this, in fact the kids will grow to find this behavior a burden as they get older. Thanks for letting me vent!
ReplyDeleteAside from throwing tantrums in stores, what about the parents so engrossed in shopping that they either don't notice or ignore their kids running under the clothing racks? There is a Ross store where I've stopped going because of that every. Single. Time.
ReplyDeleteThis blog = hilarious! http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/
There's also a Facebook page. It highlights the ridiculousness of competitive parenting and people who want the world to adjust to their schedule as parents. Makes you wonder how anyone raised a child without cell phones or the internet.