Sh*t Moms Say to Their Pregnant Daughters

"It would be nice if some of your weight turned into the baby's weight"
"No, you don't have to name it after me. Unless you want...you know, its up to you."
"I hope this baby gives you all the headaches you gave me."
"So, have you thought about how much weight you want to gain during your pregnancy?"
"You're going to have to give your dog away"
"I've got some of my old clothes that are too big for me for you to go through, you know, so you don't have to buy maternity clothes."
To her friends/strangers while I'm standing right there "yeah, she THINKS she's going to have a natural birth- chuckle- we'll see..."
"I only gained 18 pounds when I was pregnant the first time."
"I don't want to be called grandma."

Lastly, to put the cherry on top of the cake, here is a gem of a story that a mom might tell her pregnant daughter:

"So, I'm going to tell you something, take from it whatever you want." Oh, great I think, here comes another lecture about my weight. "I was having tea with my yoga instructor last week, and she..." Oh, no, I was wrong I think, here comes a plug for doing yoga while pregnant. "She has a daughter who pretty much has a parallel life to yours, she was living in the Pacfic Northwest 3 years ago, got married to a chef 2 years ago, about a year before you did. They had a baby about a year after that. See? Just like you, but a year ahead. Her and her husband moved down to Napa after the baby so they could be closer to family." (slight guilt stab there if you know my mom) "They like to garden, and be in the yard and stuff. My yoga teacher watches the grandson 2-3 times a week. One day, she (yoga teacher/grandma) was watching the baby who was about 3 months old and the baby just went limp. She knew something wasn't right and they took the baby to the hospital. They ran a bunch of tests, and nothing came up. The baby seemed to return to normal, so they were sent home. A few days later, the daughter was with her son, and the same thing happened. The baby just went limp. This time, the baby was sent to a larger hospital so more intesive studies could be ran. After a bunch of tests, they discovered the baby had contracted infant botulism. The baby had to be given a blood transfusion, and it was all very expensive and scary- costing tens of thousands of dollars. So, you know, just watch out for that. The baby was like 3 months."

This is 1) a true story, and 2) true that my mom TOLD me this story. Maybe its just me, but WTF. Why would you ever relay this story to your pregnant daughter? Well, I guess with all the previous quotes, it might just be my mom that says this stuff. Anyway, curiosity got the best of me, and I googled infant botulism. Turns out, there are less than 100 cases contracted each year in the U.S. To put that in perspective, my baby is 25 times more likely to die from SIDS than to contract this thing...as if I don't have enough things to worry about!