When I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, I no longer see what other people are doing (or not doing). Being constantly bombarded with thoughts and ideas of what so-and-so is eating today, or what so-and-so said they did at the gym last night is maddening. It fills my head with useless thoughts or worries- other peoples worries and prevents me from staying present in my own head, in my own life. I'm violating the first rule every single person is taught- mind your own business. Why is it so hard for me?
Instead of just waking up every morning with a smile on my face thankful for the roof over my head, the air that I breathe, and freedom, I unconsciously search for some external force to validate me. Wow, that is a hard thing to type. I don't really know how else to explain why it is that when I lose my focus on what is important to me, I feel the need to tear others down.
Lately I've been reading blog posts of authors that I usually enjoy, only to find myself incredibly negative and cynical to their triumphs or failures. What I really am is negative and cynical to MY triumphs and failures. I don't give myself enough credit, or trust myself enough to just keep my head down and power through the tough times. I look for flaws and weakness in others and in turn further distract myself from the matters at hand -that none of it matters. The only thing that is important is me doing what I need to do for me everyday.
Somehow, somewhere I lost sight of that. I forgot that I go to the gym because I like it, and I want to be the best I can be, not because I just want to tell people that I go to CrossFit. I forgot that I eat real foods because they make me perform my best, not because going Paleo is trendy. I forgot that I was trying to lose weight, not just hang out here at the same weight for months and critize others for counting calories. I forgot that I am capable of so much more then what I'm currently doing.
I keep this blog because it is more then just a place for me to be held accountable, it is a place for me to examine and reflect on all aspects of my health- mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional. I believe they are all intertwined, and if I begin to fall into old or bad habits with one, the rest will soon follow. The only way I can think to get out of this pattern of being consumed with what others are doing is to dive deeper into myself, and focus on the things I know I should be doing. There is always room for me to improve, and if I'm focused on improving, I will be less focused on how others can improve.
Congrats on your goals so far and rather than looking at things people are doing wrong, you should be advice giver, help them realize what they should be doing right. Paleo is a great thing and so is Crossfit, good on you for knowing that.. It's just a matter of doing it and you'll do great.. just remember you have a headstart knowing this, far more than many have right now...
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome and amazing! You are inspirational! You are also human- don't forget that and humans are animals--good and bad, happy and negative. I think a lot of the blogs I read, I read them because they annoy the hell out of me. YES! you need to make sure you are propping yourself up and feeling good (not just when its good but especially during setbacks and hard times)but criticism is not always bad.
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