Phony

I wish I could do the things I think other people should do with as much ease as it sounds in my head. How is it that I know what is best for everyone else, yet I can't even get my own shit together? Lately I feel like a phony. I want to be living this clean lifestyle of no sugar, grains, dairy, or legumes, yet I keep not doing it. Something keeps "coming up."

Its very frustrating because I feel like every night before going to bed I have the best intentions for the next day. And then I go to work and there is a full catered breakfast with warm cinnamon rolls. Or a catered lunch with mini-red velvet cupcakes. Or there is a party. Or the boyfriend wants dessert. Or or or or or! Its maddening. Especially because I know what I need to do. I know I'm capable of saying no to these things, yet I keep putting it off for "tomorrow." Tomorrow hasn't come in over a month! And I wondered how I got to be so fat.

Now that I know my body's ability to lose fat depends 100% on what I put into my mouth, I need to quit putting the wrong things in my mouth. My exercise has been solid. I'm getting stronger, no doubt, but I no longer want to be the girl that's been doing crossfit for 6 months and hasn't lost any weight. I've seen some pretty cool transitions in other people in the short time I've been going to the gym, so its time for me to get my head in the game.

The owner/trainer at the gym is always telling us that the workouts are 90% mental. I totally believe that. Same goes for eating as I should. I have no grand declarations about how I'm going to be good for the next week/month/year, I'm just going to do it. Plain and simple. I'm going be true to my word, stop feeling like a phony, and just do it.

Ok, I'm off to go run because its 52 degrees in the house. Our oil heat tank decided to run out right before a February blast of cold air and snow...and we just filled it 6 weeks ago? So yeah, not going to fill that sucker again, ever. Hopefully we are getting a new gas furnace soon. So, until then, I just keep moving and build and occasional fire in the wood stove. Just like the cavemen did. :)