Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Aftermath Part II

I feel like I need to expand a little more on my previous post, as looking back weeks later it seems a little dark.  My intention was to give a real account, and not sugar coat anything that I was experiencing at the time.  I focused a lot on the difficult realities of recovery, but that is not all there is to the days following birth!
In the days immediately following the birth of Cyprus, my mind would travel through incredible states of euphoria.  It was like nothing I've ever experienced in my whole life.  The sunshine was sunnier.  Everything was clear and beautiful.  I felt so blessed, so happy, and serioulsy believed I was the luckiest person in the world.  I would look at my newborn son, or my husband, or my husband holding my newborn son, and it would bring tears of joy to my eyes. 
Now, if you know me, that's weird.  I'm not a tears of joy type of person.  I'm sure hormones had a lot (all?) to do with it.  The joy and excitement also made waking up in the middle of the night not a big deal.  Everytime he cried to be fed, I would wake up like it was Christmas morning, just to get to hold him and feed him again.  I literally would miss him after 2 hours of sleeping. 
Of course, along with the highest of highs came some pretty intense lows...not lows in the sense of blues or depression, but just frustration and being so incredibly tired.  Those were the times I needed to lean on my husband the most, to relieve me from baby duty.  Just having to change one less diaper, or have someone else to rock him while he was crying was amazing. 
Just as I continued to heal physically, these highs and lows eventually balanced themselves out, and I began to feel like myself again emotionally.  My baby and I reached many silent understandings and soon began to trust each other.  He learned I would give him everything he needs, and in return I learned that he makes my heart whole.  Everyday since he's come into this world, I am so incredibly happy we made the choice to have a child after years of thinking it wasn't for us.  It is SO for us, and by far one of the best things we've done.  

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