My Kryptonite

Red velvet cupcakes. Specifically mini red velvet cupcakes from Cupcake Royale. I’ve
mentioned before that my office caters breakfasts and lunches. A LOT. In January,
when I started here, I tried to be good. I resisted the temptations of free delicious lunch for a week, and then slowly started caving in. It started the day we had a full taco bar and they had tres leches cake for dessert. I HAD to have it. So I did. Then I started having all the desserts, and sampling from the morning pastry trays. Some things were good, some things were bad, I ate them all the same. One day sticks out in my head like it was yesterday. The mini-cupcake day. I don’t remember what the lunch was, but I remember seeing a bunch of cute little cupcakes on a tray. I grabbed one of each flavor (chocolate/chocolate, vanilla/vanilla, and red velvet/cream cheese- hey, they were mini!) I took them back to my desk. I sample the chocolate one. It wasn’t as good as I hoped, so I tossed it in the trash. Then I tasted the vanilla one. OMG. It was seriously like the best thing I’ve ever had. Then I tried the red velvet. Even better then the vanilla! I snuck back and got 2 more of each. Now I was crazy...I had that same feeling I used to get all the time,
wanting to eat as many as possible, knowing that I was doing something horrible, and
having to hide it all at once. I got my punishment later that day when I went to CrossFit and the workout was Murph.

In the grand scheme of things during this period of trying everything that was brought in here, I was not eating anywhere near the amount of carbs that a typical American diet consists of, but it was enough to stall any scale progress for 3 months. When I started to see repeat lunches I knew I had seen everything, and therefore knew what was worth having and what was not. I’ve always had an issue with wanting to try everything once. Buffets are a horrible place for me.

Until 3 weeks ago, I was taking liberties with treats and carbs and essentially spinning my wheels. Enter nutrition challenge. The large monetary prize has proven to be a huge incentive for me to stay on track. I wrote a few days ago about finally being in that place where treats no longer appeal to me. All last week work did not cater one single breakfast or lunch. It was like a gift from the gods…making my day so much easier.

This week is different. There has been catered breakfast and lunch everyday so far. Each day seems to chip away at my will. Here I am writing down everything I eat diligently to post to the nutrition challenge message board, but the real victory is all the stuff I DIDN’T eat. So far this week I have passed up French toast, biscuits and gravy, French dip sandwiches and French fries, cheesecake, breakfast pastries including chocolate croissants and cinnamon rolls, raviolis in cream sauce, tiramisu, and today...the mini-cupcakes have made an appearance.

It is physically painful for me to not have one. But I know I can’t stop at one. I keep trying to think of a rationalization to let myself have one (read: six). I know I will feel so much better if I resist. I can be smug in my decision. Last time I gave into them I had to do Murph. If they made an appearance before, they will certainly be back, so why do I need to torture myself? After all, isn’t it me that said I’ve had enough of that stuff to last a lifetime? Isn’t it me that decided I needed to give up sugar and grains because they were killing me? Isn’t it me that tells everyone who asks how they should be eating?

I resisted. I waited in my cubicle until I knew they would be gone. I have to admit though, when I did finally venture out to go to the bathroom, I was sad to see the cupcakes were really all gone.