Insatiable

For the life of me I couldn't seem to keep my hunger at bay today. It wasn't real hunger, it was just boredom and me longing for that high feeling I used to get from eating a large meal, or eating something I shouldn't be eating. Some days I just want to say "fuck it" and eat whatever I want. There is no doubt in my mind that if I had come home tonight after the gym and there was a pizza or cake, or some other god awful food I would have eaten it. Nutrition challenge and all. That's how I felt.

Instead, I focused on what I knew I did have in the house. I focused on what I could give myself that would seem like an indulgence, but in reality, wasn't. I came home and immediately started cooking up some ground turkey tacos. I would let myself eat them on corn tortillas instead of lettuce (still gluten free, but a grain none the less) and I would top them with avocado and sour cream (dairy, but organic, high fat dairy). I was getting excited for that meal. Once things were cooking up, I went into the TV room to turn on the news, and saw 4 Reeses bunnies sitting on the coffee table next to a 85% organic chocolate bar. It was like the chocolate gods had answered my prayers for junk being in my reach!

I decided I would eat the Reeses bunnies after my dinner. Dinner was amazing. I looked at the bunnies. I unwrapped one. I bit its head off. I broke off a small square of the dark chocolate and took alternating bunny/organic chocolate bites until the bunny was gone. It was heavenly. Then the strangest thing happened. I was fully prepared to eat all 4 bunnies, but I was done. I was finally satiated! All notions of eating the remainder of the bunnies disappeared. In the past I would have just eaten them because they were there, and I could. But tonight? For whatever reason, I had given myself the green light to eat all 4, but I'm satisfied, truly satisfied with one.

I guess sometimes its ok to give yourself the green light, you may surprise yourself. I did!