I Know What I Don't Want...But What Do I Want?

After reading an article on fitness and how there is no real definition of fitness, it dawned on me how readily I know what I don't want, but have no idea what I do want. How could I possibly begin, or be working towards what I want, if I don't even know what that is?!?!

I don't know. Maybe this realization isn't as profound as I think it is, but I just see so many applications of this concept to my journey of better health and fitness. Perhaps part of the problem with me not knowing exactly what I want yet is because I have not figured out everything that I do not want. Ruling out what doesn't work for me has been a process. There have also been numerous times where I thought I wanted something because to me it meant health, which is now laughable to me, and has shifted to the "don't want" category.

Let me try to explain...In January, when I began this whole thing, I stepped on a scale in the doctor's office to reveal a weight I had never seen before, a weight that was a good 15 pounds OVER what I thought I weighed at the time! So, my thought was well, I want to be 1xx pounds, so I need to lose xx pounds. I began counting calories and exercising, basing my method on the simple theory that as long as I burn more calories than I consume, I will lose weight. That is true. I did lose weight. But then, when my system became routine, I was able to process and take in more information. Through the blogging community, I started to get new ideas of what I wanted. Body composition became a re-occurring theme. I realized losing weight was not all created equal. It suddenly was not enough for me to lose 5 pounds. I wanted to know how much of that 5 pounds was lean muscle, fat, and/or water.

Today? I have NO idea what I want to work towards as far as a weight because at my current weight (which I have been numerous times in my life for long periods of time) I'm smaller (thinner) than I ever have been at this weight. That means a) I have more muscle than other times at this weight, b) I can no longer rely on the scale to tell me how I'm progressing, and c) I do not want to be the 1xx pounds I thought I did previously.

So I have shifted my thoughts of what I want. I want to be able to do push-ups on my toes (lots of them). I want to be able to do pull-ups, squat 1.5 times my body weight, do handstand push-ups, dead lift 2x my body weight, run a mile in under 7 minutes, and get to the point where I'm performing most CrossFit workouts prescribed. I want to have under 20% body fat. I want to eat Paleo no less than 90% of the time. Currently, being able to achieve the aforementioned items would mean health and fitness to me.

It may change. But, instead of focusing on what I don't want (like, I don't want to weigh 2xx pounds) I'm going to focus on what I do want (be a x-fit super star!).