Deja Vu

Things I'm NOT going to do:

1) Get down on myself 

2) Be disgusted with my body

3) Injest food that provides no nutritional benefit

4) Feel sorry for myself

5) Apologize for where I'm at

6) Stop fighting

Things I AM going to do:

1) Be patient with myself

2) Be proud of all my body is capable of

3) Drink water like its going out of style

4) Move my body

5) Eat purposefully and nutritiously

6) Trust the process

7) Keep fighting

Nearly six years ago, I remember having this crippling pain in my side.  At times it would take my breath away.  I just toughed it out for a few days.  I didn't know what else to do.  Eventually I freaked myself out enough to make a doctor's appointment and get it checked out.  I went into the doctor's office and told him I had this mysterious pain on my left side for the past 5 days, and didn't know what it was.  I got a full battery of questions, tests, pokes, prods, etc.  Still nothing.  Well, let's do a CT Scan and see if its kidney stones, or what.  For some reason, a CT Scan seemed so serious- was that really necessary?  So into the weird tube I went.  I had convinced myself I was dying by this point.  CT Scan came back with nothing.  Not even a kidney stone.  Verdict?  Diverticulitis.  Treatment?  Take some Advil and rest.  Awesome.  Five days of pain and $900 later, I take some Advil and rest.  

I suppose this was a turning point of sorts for me though, I remember when they weighed me at the beginning of the appointment, seeing a number I had never seen before.  This little "scare" pushed me to start taking better care of myself, and about 2 weeks later I started this blog.  

Fast forward to this weekend.  On Saturday I started coming down with a headache.  I didn't think too much of it, took some Advil, and went on with my day.  By middle of the night, and into Sunday, it was unbearable.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't open my eyes, I just wanted a new head.  Soon the nausea kicked in, and I couldn't even keep water down.  Of course I had myself convinced I had a brain tumor or worms eating my brain, and I had days left on the planet.  All I wanted was to cuddle with my son, but all he wanted to do was shriek in my face and bounce on my stomach.  By the end of the day, convinced things were just not right, I had the hubs take me to Urgent Care.  Some anti-nausea meds, a shot in the butt, and a script for Imitrex, I was good to go.  Until the middle of the night and my headache returned with a vengeance.  I decided a trip the to ER was in order- something just wasn't right.  Blood work, morphine IV, and CT scan- another CT scan?  Really?  This time only my head went into the ring but I was pretty out of it.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.  Verdict?  Everything looked fine.  Treatment?  Rx for some fancy Aleve, rest, and water.  Awesome.  Worst headache ever, $1000? later, I take some Aleve and drink water.  

This is another turning point for me.  I wanted nothing more than to feel normal when my head was about to explode.  I kept thinking it all had something to do with how I've been treating my body the last year, and how if I were at a more normal weight, I wouldn't be dealing with this.  I never want to feel like that again.  With that pain fresh in my mind, I've been making good decisions.  I want to continue to make good decisions, for me, for my body, so I can live the longest life possible and enjoy every shriek and stomach bounce thrown my way.  There is nothing greater in my life than absorbing the energy of my 2 year old, and feeling my best to accept it.  

First-Time Mom Fails- 3 Day Potty Training

I've been meaning to get back to this space for some time, but I don't know where the time keeps going.  I wake up each morning, and its a new month.  Part of my hesitation is deciding what I want to discuss here.  Initially I used this blog for accountability with my quest to be the healthiest me I could be- I am still on that quest, I use Instagram more for that now since that's about all I have time for (@imissmycollarbone).  I've also shared other life anecdotes as I saw fit.  I got married, had a baby, and moved half way across the country, all shared on this blog- but I don't want this to turn into a mommy blog, or working mom blog, or mom getting fit blog.  I think I'll just come here when I have something to say.  This weekend was a big learning leap for me.  

Up until a few weeks ago, potty training was not even on my radar, despite near constant reminders from my mom that I was potty trained at 16 months, and my sister at 15 months.  But then I started seeing friends around me with kids similar ages posting stuff on Facebook about potties and successful potty incidents.  I began to panic, thinking I was behind the curve (first time mom rule #1 broken- comparing my kid/parenting to others).  Around that same time, a friend of mine clued me into a 3-day plan she would be trying when the time was right for her.  

I read through this popular 3-day method guidance, and was intrigued!  It sounded legit.  I wanted to get on board with this method, and be done with diapers!  First time mom rule #2 broken- unrealistic expectations.  Even though reading through the book gave me some serious side-eye at times, I thought, "hey? What do I have to lose?"  The book claimed that 22 months is the ideal age to potty train any child, boy or girl.  They don't even have to show signs, or even know the words for potty yet.  This was the first side-eye moment for me. The next was where it said throw out all the diapers in your house.  I had at least $60 of diapers.  I was not going to throw them away.  Hide them, sure, donate them, sure.  Toss them?  No.  Deep down, I knew my kid was not ready for this.  I bought two potties- one for the upstairs bathroom, and one for the downstairs bathroom.  I looked at the calendar, and I saw that in August, the daycare had 2 mandatory shut-down days for end of year maintenance.  The squirt would be nearly 23 months!  I decided that is when we would go for the 3 days.  I would take Friday off work, and we would have a potty staycation, and on Monday our son would be going to daycare in underwear.  

For the month leading up to the staycation, after the potties showed up, our son successfully used them here and there, when we could tell he had to go.  There was no pressure- just getting him used to the idea.  A few days before the 3-day training, our son was in the habit of stopping at the potty on the way to bed, peeing, and then I would put his diaper and PJ's on.  Oh, he's soooo ready I thought.  First time mom rule #3 broken- overconfidence in your/your child's abilities.  The Thursday night before I planned to start, I went to Target and bought 19 pairs of little boxer briefs.  The hubs was on board with the program, but he had to work all day on Friday, so I would be alone.  I made sure to have easy to eat snack on hand, and mentally prepared to be cleaning up accidents, frequent underwear changes (for son) and tons of laundry. 

Friday- Day 1.  I decided to keep a diary of potty events for the day.  Verbatim, this is what I had:

8:10a- diaper off, had (sons name) ceremoniously throw in trash, underwear on.

10:27a- peed on kitchen floor when I went to the bathroom (4 feet away with door open)

11:37a- peed in high chair during lunch

12:19p- pooped outside- seems to fear potty

12:27p- peed outside, carried him to potty

12:40p- put down for nap (no diaper/pull-up)

3:25p-   woke up, had peed at least twice, soaked head to toe.

4:48p-   peed by his toy hot dog cart in living room.

6:35p-   bath

7:00p-   put him in a pull-up, and put to bed.

Not mentioned above is the number of times I said "tell mom when you need to go potty."  Or asked him "are your underwear dry?" (I estimate both were in the 100's)  Both received no response, no reaction.  The guidance assured me that was normal- it was sinking in even if child wasn't acknowledging.  First time mom rule #4 broken- taking parenting advice from someone that has never met you/your child.  After the kiddo was asleep, and I was doing laundry for the next day, I thought "that wasn't so bad."  First time mom rule #5 broken- never assume you've seen the worst.  If so, you WILL see the worst.  Sure, it was exhausting doing nothing but watching my son all day, never leaving the house, and following him everywhere, BUT there were only 6 underwear changes all day.  And, the next day I'd have my hubby home to help with the watching.

Day 2 went NOTHING like Day 1:

6:18a- woke up, took off pull-up, had him sit on potty- nothing

7:20a- started to pee in kitchen, brought him to potty.  Done by the time we got there.

7:35a- pooped in undies in the sunroom.  He gave me a heads up, but then refused to go to the potty.

7:50a- peed in the kitchen after sitting on the potty for a few seconds with dad.

8:00a- peed a little on couch- walked himself to bathroom, underwear change

8:10a- peed a little- changed underwear in bathroom

8:16a- peed in front of window waving bye to dad- changed underwear in front of window

8:50a- peed on bathroom floor- wouldn't sit on potty for more than 2 seconds

9:16a- peed on couch, brought him to potty.  Changed underwear

9:18a- peed on kitchen floor- residual holding from few minutes prior?

9:40a- peed on kitchen floor while I was switching laundry- dad was in kitchen "watching" him

And then I stopped documenting.  12 underwear changes before 10am, and I just didn't have the patience to keep a diary on my phone.  We kept up with the protocol- watching him to catch him in the act, taking him to the bathroom, telling him wet underwear were not where it was at, quizzing him on having dry underwear, reminding him to tell us when he had to potty.  It was exhausting.  But I was keeping my eye on the prize.  First time mom fail #6- realizing something is not working and stubbornly continuing.  We somehow made it through the rest of the day...nap time was in a pull-up, and we went swimming for 2 hours in the afternoon- the only out of the house activity we could do where peeing himself wouldn't ruin for all of us.  Two days of following the protocol to a "T" and we had zero pee in the potty.  I had a much better record not doing anything at all.  

On Day 3, I went rogue.  I stopped following the stupid guidelines in the book and kept my kid on the potty till he finally went pee.  I celebrated like crazy.  I let him "wash" (he's obsessed with washing his hands).  It was fun, he was happy (during and after the celebration, NOT while on the potty).  I kept this up throughout the day, and he peed a whole bunch in the potty.  I could clearly see that he wasn't making the connection though between any feelings he had, and what ended up in the potty.  He liked the celebrating, but had no idea why we were celebrating.  He went to sleep in a diaper, I made the hubs go out and get ice cream.

I was mad at myself.  Not for trying this out, but for abandoning everything I already learned in my first 6 months as a mom.  I learned quick that what works for one kid may not work for another.  I learned that everyone approaches things differently, and that is ok.  I also learned, most importantly, that kids do things on their own time, when they are ready, and more often than not, it is easiest to just let them guide the way.  I know all these things.  Knowing all these things has kept me relaxed as a parent, and my kid super happy (for the most part).  Luckily, another thing I have learned is that kids are super resilient, and this will all be water under the bridge.  

Who is teaching who here?  :)     

Grandma and her Gardenia

"How many buds are on the gardenia plant now, Fred?"  My 92 year old grandma asks my uncle in her southern-now-east coast accent.  "The same, Ma" my uncle responds back.  This was a frequent exchange, daily.  In addition, any new eyes that came to the house were asked to do a check for buds on the gardenia.  My grandma was obsessed with this plant ever since last year, when it had over 30 blooms on it at one time.  It was her prize plant, and she wanted frequent daily updates as to whether or not the buds were blooming since was unable to look for herself.  For weeks, the plant held green buds, but none of them had opened.  She was concerned the green buds were just going to fall off, and wanted multiple counts, daily.   

Half of my mom's side of the family is Italian (her father/my grandpa).  Although it feels like all of the relatives in the small Connecticut town are Italian because my grandma was a lone wolf when she met my grandfather.  My grandfathers family was dominant in numbers, dominant in opinions.  My grandfather had two siblings, a sister and a brother, both of which married and produced a few cousins for my mom and her 5 (now 4) siblings.  Of course those cousins had little ones, which became third cousins for me, my sister, and our first cousins.  The majority of this family still resides in the dilapidated coastal town that saw its heyday in the WWII era.  Just as is traditional with Italian families, everyone lives close together (real close), eats a lot, and needs to have their voice heard.  

My mom fled the small town when she was 18 to join the Army.  After the Army, marriage, college, and starting a family, she moved back to Connecticut, but to a neighboring town.  After I was born, my mom, dad, sister, and I moved to a different, but still east coast state- Massachusetts.  We lived there for a bit before moving to the West Coast, where we pretty much remained.  I think my mom got a lot of flack for moving across the country, but she and my dad had their reasons, and personally, I'm happy they made the choice they did.  I would have a very different life if we had remained on the East Coast living so close to all the family, and all the drama.  We made frequent trips to Connecticut, I'd say at least once a year.  

I remember when my grandfather died in 2003, I became aware that my family and trips to Connecticut as I knew them would not be the same.  Since we would visit once a year, everything was always the same- we would see the same people, do the same things.  It's just how it was there.  And it was comforting.  My grandfathers funeral was low-key and well attended.  It was like a mini-family reunion, albeit sad circumstances.  My grandpa's sister Londie was the last remaining pure Italian relative from that side of the family.  My great-aunt Londie was very close to my mom and my mom's siblings.  They enjoyed her company immensely, and even more so after the passing of their father.

Early in January of this year, my mom took a trip to Connecticut to be with her mom.  My uncle lives upstairs in the house the family grew up in, my grandma has the bottom floor.  One of my aunts lives in a house across the street built on land my grandfather owned.  One of my other aunts used to live next door in a house built on the same land, but now her son (my cousin) lives there, and she lives a few blocks away.  Like I said, everyone is close.  My grandma started having a more difficult time caring for herself, so up until my mom arrived, my uncle and aunts were doing the majority of the care taking, along with some weekly home visits from hospice.  My mom spent a good 3 weeks getting bossed around by my grandma, feeding her, bathing her, and counting the gardenia blossoms. Throughout January, my mom would send me updates on my grandma, and when my mom cancelled her return flight to California at the end of January, I knew things were taking a different turn.  

Early Sunday morning, 2/1, my mom informed me great aunt Londie had passed.  Monday morning, 2/2, my mom informed me my grandmother had passed.  Just like I had in 2003, I contacted my sister to try and coordinate flights arriving into town around the same time to minimize people making airport trips.  Well, 12 years had passed since the last time we had to do this, and so much had changed.  I was in Kansas City (actually on my way to the airport headed to Texas for a meeting) not in Seattle, and my sister was in Portland.  Coordinating was just too difficult, so I let my boss know I'd be leaving the staff meeting early to fly to Connecticut.  

When I arrived in Connecticut late on a Thursday night, I walked into my grandma's house, and it was filled with relatives.  Even the full house couldn't compensate for the emptiness that was hanging in the air.  My grandma was a fierce red-head and her presence was always felt.  Friday morning was the funeral for Londie.  Saturday was the funeral for my grandma.  I had a long couple of days in front of me.    

Grandma's funeral was almost identical to my grandfathers, but with more people making their way through the funeral home to say good-bye.  I thought my grandma looked amazing, and so at peace.  In her hands she held two perfect, white, fragrant gardenias.  I learned at dinner after the funeral that my uncle went over to water the gardenia on Sunday, the day Londie died, and there was one bloom that had opened up overnight.  My uncle went into the room where my grandma was still alive, but in and out of consciousness to let her know.  The next morning, when my mom found my grandma had passed, another gardenia blossom had opened.  Sometimes, it is so hard to be present in times of grief, but stopping to think about how amazing it is that my grandma got to take those two perfect gardenia blossoms with her forever makes it just a little more bearable.  

RIP Madeline.  

Ad Astra Per Aspera

...where we left off, our heroine was packing up the family and moving some 1,900 miles east.  

I wanted to come here to write many times immediately after our epic eastbound journey, to document the various cathartic moments along the way, but the longer I delayed writing them, the more I wanted to keep them to myself.  The best I can say now is that the trip provided closure on so many different levels.  It was unexpected, and utterly grand.  I was able to set foot in this new place to call home with 100% confidence I was doing the right thing,

We have been here 3 months now, nearly to the day. It has been an adjustment, but for the most part, things have gone relatively smooth.  After an initial 2 weeks in a extended-stay hotel, we signed a short apartment lease to give us time to house hunt.  The hubs has been a stellar SAHD, taking care of the millions of annoying things that crop up during the day when relocating to a new area.  Had we both had new jobs here right away, I don't think our transition would have been as smooth.  He was able to tour apartments while I was at work.  He was able to receive the moving truck of our belongings while I was at work.  He was able to update the dogs rabies and licenses so we could sign the lease while I was at work.  He was able to unpack our belongings, do all the grocery shopping, make meals, take care of the kid, ON and ON and ON...while I was at work.  

For the first time in the history of our relationship, we've had weekends off together, and have been making the most of those by exploring our new surroundings.  But now we are settled.  The rental apartment walls seem closer everyday.  The hubs is desperately missing adult conversation.  The kid is going stir crazy and is need of stimulation only early childhood educators can provide.  So, after 15 months of the kid being watched by either myself or the hubs, we enrolled him in part time day care.  Now the hubs has 2 kid free days a week to play Xbox (or look for a job).  Once Dave gains employment and knows his schedule, we can plan for more serious daycare, and buy a house.  I know these things take time.  I know in a few months it will seem like an eternity since we moved here and were living in a hotel (although, those first 2 weeks seemed really loooong).  I know soon we will have a house, and friends, and routine.  I'm working on enjoying the process, and trying not to rush things.  

The past 6 months have been all about the new job, and the move.  I've had my moments of getting my crap together eating/exercising wise, but nothing that I could hang on to for very long.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm done doing that.  What I am going to do is forgive myself, and start focusing on taking better care of me.  Through trial and error the past few months, I've realized the only time I can consistently get my workout in is in the morning.  So, 5am it is.  Through trial and error over the past 30 years, I've realized what foods work for me, and what foods don't.  I will be adopting a more "flexible eating" approach, tracking my protein, fat, and carbs to match specific targets each day.  Yes, it means tracking, weighing my food, and math.  But, it doesn't mean restriction, regret, or refusal of any food.  To me?  That sounds healthy.  

Kansas City Here I Come

It's hard to believe that a little over one year ago I was deep in the throes of childbirth.  I have such spotty memory of that day (days) and the subsequent year that brings me here.  The past 12 months have been great and new and educational and hard and full and fleeting.  Just when I think I have something figured out, something changes.  

I've been quiet here for quite some time, numerous reasons for that- I have very little time to myself these days to do things like blog.  I am currently not in the fitness "zone" so I feel I'd be doing a disservice to try and talk about eating good things and awesome workouts when I'm not.  I also got a promotion at work that has not only been kicking my butt, but has me relocating 1,800 miles from Seattle to Kansas City.  Kansas.

The past 5 or 6 weeks have been nuts.  Getting our house ready to put on the market, trips to Kansas City to look for new housing, putting our house on the market, meetings, deadlines, new projects, interviews to fill my position in Seattle, selling our home, packing, and planning the logistics of a move that will take at least 4 days with a one year old and a dog.  

We make the move in less than 1 week.  We are ready.  We will be ready.  We have to be ready. 

I have mixed feelings about leaving Seattle.  I notice on one hand I keep trying to focus on the things that I don't like about the area.  This is probably a way of me trying to distance myself from this place and make a clean break.  On the other hand, I find myself incredibly nostalgic for a place that has held so many important milestones and life events for me the past 13 years.  

I moved here September 15, 2001 after I graduated from college.  Like any fresh college graduate, I thought I knew everything and was going to change the world.  Luckily, life handed me my ass over and over and my learning REALLY began.  I met my now husband in 2004.  I bought my first property (condo) in 2006.  I got my first "real" job (in my degree field) in 2007.  My now husband (then bf) bought our first home in 2010.  I got a new job with a huge well-respected company- the kind of company one stays with for their entire career in 2011.  I got engaged in 2011.  We married September 15, 2012.  Our baby boy was born September 22, 2013.  All here in Seattle.  That is a whole lot of life.  And these are just the MAJOR things.  Infinite significant experiences happened between and during these milestones.  Friends made, friends lost.  Friends moved away, friends returned.  Vacations, road trips, BBQ's, parties...way too much to wrap my head around.

Now we move to Kansas CitySeptember 30, 2014.  I'm excited for all that is in store for this new chapter in our lives.  I've decided that good-byes here are hard, and awkward, and I wish I could avoid them.  

Sprint Tri Re-Cap

A little over 16 weeks ago I closed my eyes and jumped.  I registered for a sprint triathlon.  With about four months to prepare, I figured it was on the edge of do-able.  I immediately put together a training schedule and figured out a way to get swim workouts in.  Afterall, I knew I could bike 12 miles.  I knew I could run a 5K, the only unknown initially was how a 1/3mi swim would be.  Oh, and then combining all of those events. 

 

When I posted about registering for the sprint tri, I noted how typically registering for events like this has the opposite of the intended effect- instead of training dilligently and being at the top of my game, I tend to do nothing and then panic at the last moment.  This experience was slightly different, but I was still very panicked the last 3 weeks leading up to the event, and considered bailing on it altogether many times. 

 

I've lived in Seattle now for 13 years.  In my time here, I've done many events.  Too many 5K's to count, a half-marathon, a 69-flight stair climb, a mud/obstacle run, and now this sprint triathlon.  Of all the 5K's, I think I was in shape/properly trained for maaaybe 2 of them.  But, 5K's are short.  You can walk one in under an hour.  I've written before about my half-marathon disaster.  The stair climb was pure hell, and the mud run I badly sprained my ankle on the first obstacle and had to be carried off the course on a race volunteer's back.  Not my finest moment.  Of all the events I've done that I've been ill-prepared for, this was by far the most painless. 

 

The first 2 1/2 months of my training schedule went great.  I did everything as written, I was feeling good about my pool swims, my runs, and my bike. I just needed to put road tires on my bike, and then I would be good.  Around 4th of July or so, my scheule hit some bumps as I began traveling a lot for holidays and work.  Some other life stuff hit mid-July and continues now, so to say I had a lot on my plate is an understatement.  I still tried to find time to fit in workouts when I could, but I wasn't getting in all the elements evenly the last 3-4 weeks before the event.  This did a number on my confidence.  Also?  I hadn't lost a single pound.  Not one. 

 

I began to doubt myself, my training, I was worried about the size of my body and how I would look going into the water, coming out of the water, and along the course.  Just general stupid stuff.  I wrote before about the challenges I was having with swimming in open water vs. a pool.  I decided that a) I would just go through with it, b) just focus on one element at a time, c) realize that this is where I'm at right now and own it, and d) just get through the swim. 

 

The day before the event, I met my friend down at registration where we picked up our race packets, bibs, timing chips and racked our bikes.  As I was in line to get my stuff, I was blown away at all the shapes, sizes, and ages of the participants.  My self-consciousness began to fade.  I had to force myself to remember all the work I did leading up to this event, and not get caught up in the fact my body was still the same size it was prior to training.  I had been in a pool or lake at least once a week for 15 weeks leading up to the event.  I had run at least 2 twice a week for the 16 weeks leading up to the event.  I had biked enough to know I could do 12 miles just fine.  Could I have done more?  Maybe.  Was it possible for me to do more given all the circumstances?  Not likely.  I was as ready as I was going to be. 

 

Race day I woke up at 4am, made coffee, got all my stuff ready and headed for the shuttle.  I made it to the bike transition area a little before 6a, and set up my station.  My friends that were doing the race found me, and we chatted for a bit.  They began kicking us out of the transition area at 6:15, and herded us to the boat ramp for the swim entry.  The first wave (oldest) participants began at 6:45, and my start wasn't until 7:15.  So we had an hour to just hang out and wait to get in the water.  The sunrise was beautiful, and many friends/supporters were there to talk to.  Finally it was time to line up and start easing towards the water.  No turning back now.  As my group was called into the water, we waded in and listened to the countdown.  We were off.  I hit start on my watch.  It was a sea of bubbles and legs and arms.  I just gently breast-stroked my way along and got used to being in the water.  The remainder of the swim, I did a combination of breast stroke and free-style.  There were people doing all sorts of strokes, all different speeds.  I felt pretty good about the swim.  When I emerged from the water I checked my watch -16:24.  Not bad.  I jogged sopping wet to my bike, wrapped a towel around me, sat down on my other towel and dried my feet- putting my shoes and socks on.  I ripped off my swim cap, took off my wet tank top and put on my tech shirt with bib attached, stood up, put my helmet on, and walked my bike out of the transition area.  I looked at my watch, 22:00 so T1 took me 5 minutes.  Not bad. 

 

There was a sign marking where we were allowed to mount our bikes and start the ride.  Some competitors behind me were riding out of the transition area and were told to dismount until the proper riding area.  Ha.  I began the 12 mile ride and immediately started passing people, and people were passing me.  I felt good.  Just out for a bike ride.  The bike portion had a few good up hills and corresponding downhills, which were reversed on the way back.  I hit the turn around point at 46ish minutes according to my watch, so it took me 24 minutes to get there.  I figured I was on track for 48 minute total ride.  The ride back seemed a lot longer.  I remember the last mile or so thinking "it didn't seem this long on the way out."  I passed a girl really close to the end of the bike ride, and when I was in front of her I heard the distinct sound of a tire popping.  I felt bad for her, but at least she only had 1/4 mile to walk her bike.  I dismounted my bike where I was told, and walked into the transition area.  Holy cow, walking after all that biking?  My legs were like lead.  I racked my bike, took off my helmet, and headed out.  I didn't need to change shoes or anything in T2. 

 

My jog was slow and pained.  My lungs felt fine, it was my legs...they were so heavy.  I had done one training workout where I did a 30 minute bike ride, then a 15 minute run, so I sort of knew that after a bit my legs would feel better, but WOW, this was so much more intense.  By the time my legs felt better, my lungs were now struggling.  I just wanted to keep moving.  I was going slow, but jogging.  I was passing people/people were passing me.  The sun was hot on my face.  I had to keep reminding myself that I had swam for 15 minutes, then biked for 50 before doing this...of course it was going to be hard.  About 1/4 mile after passing the 2 mile mark, there was a short steep hill.  I jogged up as much of it as I could.  Husbands and boyfriends of other competitors I knew were BBQ'ing at the top of the hill.  I waved, they cheered me on.  It was nice.  Once I reached the top of the hill, I knew the rest of the race was all down hill- figuratively and literally.  I promised myself to jog the whole way, and that is what I did.  I looked at my watch when I crossed the line, 1:54and change.  I was very happy with that. 

 

Given the circumstances, I was calculating a 2:30ish worst case finish time, and was happy to come in under 2 hours.  I could possibly see myself doing another sprint triathlon.  The distances for each event were just right, and it is nice not just doing one thing for a long time- i.e. running for two hours.  If I do another one, I will for SURE get a road bike, and work on my bike-run workouts more.  I was happy I went through with the event, and didn't succumb to my insecurities. 

Open Water Swims

My triathlon is 3 weeks and 3 days away.  I'm really feeling the crunch now and the doubt is creeping in.  Somehow I thought I'd be so much farther along at this point.  But, that is just my head getting the best of me because I know that I have been doing more exercise wise in the past 3 months because of this event than I would be if I hadn't signed up.  That's the whole point, right?

 

Last week my friend that talked me into this business wanted to go test out an open water swim.  I thought that would be a good idea since all of my swims so far had been in the pool.  Finding a time that worked for both of us was tough- she is ridiculously busy all the time, and I have a baby to watch pretty much whenever I'm not at work...so...yeah.  Anyway, we finally figured that5:30am on Fridays would work. 

 

We met at the swim spot last Friday on a cool morning when the previous days had been in the 90's (cruel trick, Seattle).  We found an entry point to the lake and discussed our plan of attack.  She was in a wetsuit, me in my mom speedo suit.  I could see the lake plants growing up from the bottom and pooling at the surface.  There were mosquitoes buzzing around.  I stepped into the water, and it was warm.  Like, bath tub warm.  So, that was nice.  I pushed out and we started to breast stroke out to deeper water.  The whole time plants were caressing my bare legs and arms and it was freaking me out.  We got to a place that was deeper and seemingly less plant-y.  "Alright.  On the count of three.  Let's try to make it to the end of that dock."  I put my head down and began to free-style.  When my head went into the murky water, I could see nothing but murkiness and plants below me.  It freaked me out.  I kept trying to swim, but now my breath was all out of sorts.  I stopped.  My friend had stopped.  "This is creepy" I said.  "Don't look underwater" she said.  Yeah, too late for that. 

 

We would swim a few strokes, stop, catch our panicked breath, and keep going.  We were never able to get away from the plants, and the whole thing was just hard without any sort of direction.  "I'm over this she said."  Thank god I was thinking.  "Me too!"  So we swam to the nearest dock, climbed up the ladder, and that was that.  I would hardly call it a workout, more of a fact finding mission.  I began to get really nervous for the swim portion of the race.  The part that I was least worried about suddenly became my biggest nightmare.   

 

A few hours after this first swim, we exchanged some text messages.  "I think we just need to suck it up" she said "next Friday try again?"  "Yes" I shot back.  I then asked her if she knew of a better area we could go from that maybe wouldn't be so inundated with water plants.  She said she would think about it.  A few days ago she messaged me that she had a new location to try, and let's meet on Friday (today) at 5:30am. 

 

That is just what we did.  The new location was on the other side of the bay from where we were last week.  The water was deeper (and much colder) but there were no plants.  It was pretty much iconic "Sleepless in Seattle" as we swam in front of the fancy houseboats.  Today was SO. MUCH. BETTER.  I don't know if it was because I knew what to expect?  Or if having a row of houseboats next to us was comforting and also gave us something to sight off of?  Or if it was the plant-less water?  Either way, we were able to get a solid workout in.  One that we could both be proud of. 

 

On the agenda for me this weekend is getting my mountain bike tires switched out to road tires, a run, and another lake swim on Sunday.  I will get through this event.  I will get through this event. 

Oh, Look, a Toilet

Anyone else restrict their water drinking after squat day so they don't have to use the bathroom as much?  No...just me?  Ok...moving on.

 

Being a mom is hard.  It is not hard for any of the reasons I thought it would be though.  I always thought watching your kid, feeding your kid, changing diapers, clothing changes, disciplining; you know, general child care would be hard.  No.  The hard part is everything else.  Even when you are not physically caring for your child, you are still caring- thinking about schedules, milestones, development, sleep, and general well-being of your child.  Mom's have to do it all.  There are no breaks, no times when we get to slack off or check out (silly me thought I would get a break when baby is sleeping). 

 

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for anything, I just find this whole experience to be fascinating.  Things that are so OMG stressful and difficult and end of the world one day, are literally forgotten the next with a simple smile or babble from a tiny human.  I have no idea how it works.  I have to force myself to remember that there have been tough times.  Then, 3 hours later in the midst of a 20 minute over-tired scream fest, I can be back to questioning everything - am I doing something wrong?  Is there something wrong with my child?  How am I going to make it through this?  THIS. IS. HARD.  Magically, the 20 minutes of screaming (which is really an eternity) is forgotten seconds after tiny human falls heavy and deep into sleep.  If I didn't experience it myself, I would never believe it to be possible. 

 

I am amazed every day that somehow, someway, I create time to do it all.  The more I do, the more I do.  Yesterday, after 7 hours of sleep, I went to the gym located in the back room of my office and got in a 30 minute heavy lifting session before starting work at 5:30am.  I completed everything on my work to-do list and was bored by 11am.  Hubby met me at 1:30 to pass the kid off, and home we went.  We walked to the grocery store (3mi roundtrip), I watered the garden, I made dinner, loaded the dishwasher, emptied the diaper pail garbage, switched laundry, folded laundry, ate dinner while watching the baby eat some solid food, watched 30 minutes of OITNB while baby napped, put baby to bed, and packed up all my bags/lunches for the next day before retiring to bed at 8pm.  Oh, and there were diaper changes, bottles, and clothing changes sprinkled in as well.  I know, #humblebrag, right?  That is not my intention.  I'm just documenting for my own re-assurance. 

 

This morning I woke up with a little less sleep, didn't hit the work place gym, and have been at work for 3 hours with only a few replied-to e-mails under my belt.  I can't stop thinking that I'm not doing enough.  I haven't read a book to my baby in 3 days.  He needs to practice more with solid foods, and right now he only eats them sporadically.  Will he sleep better if he eats more real food?  Am I starving my baby?  It's bath night for him.  I need a shower.  The floors haven't been vacuumed in 4 days.  Kid is biting everything.  Is he going to be one of those weird biting kids?  I need to change his crib sheet, I think he peed on it a little last night.  Oh, and all his clean clothes are in a pile.  I need to put them away.  I should be getting these revised documents to my boss.  I'm hungry.  How can I be hungry?  I just had breakfast.  Oh, I'm going to make enchiladas for dinner tonight with the left-over chicken breast in the fridge.  Do I have vegetables?  Do I need to go to the store on the way home?  No.  We have salad.  I'm off schedule this week on my triathlon training.  I won't get to swim this week, and I haven't run any distance in a week.  I'll run today with the kid when I get home.  Then I'll read to him.  And make dinner.  And feed him some solids.  And give him a bath. And take a shower.  And hope that he sleeps well.  And hope that I sleep well.  Weights again tomorrow morning at 5am. I really need to get something done here today. 

 

Jesus.  I'm crazy.     

 

 

 

 

Bye Lululemon, Hello Costco

Wait, what?  Before you all think that I've taken a high dive into complete momdom...let me explain.  I love to workout.  I have always loved to workout. This means I have owned LOTS of workout clothes, and by proxy, makes me an expert.  :)

 

For the longest time, Target was my go-to for workout gear.  It was cheap, relatively stylish, and did I mention cheap?  In my early 20's I just could NOT fathom spending more than $14.99 on some running capris.  However, I had to buy capri's every few months because the quality was so poor.  But, $14.99!!!  Can't beat that!  After a few years of CrossFitting and wanting to be accepted into the cult, I succumed to my first pair of $85 running tights with the reflecty circle thing on the calf.  There was no denying the quality.  I finally got the hype.  My lululemon collection grew, and my nasty threadbare Target collection got trashed. 

 

My expensive workout gear has far surpassed the test of time.  I've had my first pair of Lulu tights for over 2 years now, worn no less than 2x/week, washed at least 2x/week, and they are still good as new.  The might be a little see-through when I bend over, but that's just because my butt is bigger than what was designed for (ha). 

 

The other day I was at Costco, and they had a big display of Lulu looking capri's and tanks.  They were so cheap, I figured even if I didn't like them for working out, I could just wear them around the house.  When I got home, I decided to go for a long walk, and thought I would test out my newly purchased gear.  I slid on the pants and tank, and fell in love.  They were so comfortable!  I thought to myself, surely I can't look as good as I feel?  I went over the the mirror and was blown away!  The clothes fit amazing, and looked amazing too.  I don't wear tank tops in public.  My arms are just too big, and no one wants to see that.  But for some reason, I didn't mind how this tank looked on me.  So, out the door I went, in a tank top.  I even tested out running for a bit, and was happy that the pants didn't fall down, or roll, or do anything else annoying. 

 

I'll be going back next week to purchase more colors.  I still have my lulu's, but these are a great addition.  Yes, they still need to stand up to the test of time, but for now, I'm pretty happy!  Way to go Costco! 

Mom, Swim, Bike, Run

That pretty much sums up my week.  My mom came into town for Mother's Day weekend (to visit her grandson) so I've been busy getting ready for her visit, touring her around when she was visiting, and now decompressing after her visit.  My mom is an avid swimmer and participates in many open water swims.  She swims in San Francisco Bay (60ish?) degrees with no wetsuit.  She did the Escape from Alcatraz swim (it is possible to swim from Alcatraz to shore!), and most recently just swam 2 or 3 miles along the San Francisco city front.  Needless to say, she was pretty excited about the fact that I signed up for a sprint triathlon since that meant I would be getting in some pool workouts. 

 

The best possible Mother's Day gift I could give her was to take her to the public pool and swim.  On Sunday we did just that.  We had to take turns swimming so someone could watch the little guy.  Proud grandma was just happy to walk him around the pool and talk to anyone that would listen about her swimming.  After swimming, we took a little road trip east to a Bavarian themed town in WA, and spent the night out there.  It was beautiful weather and very relaxing. 

 

Monday we spent the day walking around the Bavarian town, ducking into shops, and then drove back to Seattle.  The weather was unreal as far as how perfect it was, and my mom was blown away by the beautiful drive back through the mountains to sea level.  I always try to show her something new since she visits pretty frequently.  Baby boy was a champ the whole trip.  He didn't mind the 2 hour car ride, he slept fine in the hotel, and he only fussed a little at dinner one night until I gave him a roasted baby carrot to chew on. 

 

My mom's flight was in the afternoon on Tuesday, it was another incredible day (we really take notice of the sunny days in the PNW), and the hubby and I decided to take advantage of the free baby-sitting to go for a bike ride before he had to go to work.  I pulled my bike and helmet out of storage, and holy dead spiders in my helmet.  Gross.  Once I got that all cleaned out, hubby pumped up my tires and off we went.  My first bike ride in over a year!  I figured I better start building up my butt callouses- I don't know why they make bike seats so damn uncomfortable.  We rode around the neighborhood, there are tons of hills, so it was a pretty decent workout.  I was just happy to get the cobwebs out and get back on my bike.  I think most of my training rides will be on the flat bike path pulling a bike trailer. 

 

Yesterday it was back to work, back to reality.  Wednesday is gym day, and they had a killer met-con (metabolic conditioning workout) in store for us.  But first, we had a warm up of running 1 mile.  But the route is actually 1.2 miles.  I really pushed myself and felt completely spent BEFORE we even started our 20 minute workout.  I just kept telling myself that the triathlon would be just like this.  Our 20 minute workout included KB snatches, sprints, and jump rope.  DYING.  Wednesday is also pool day.  I got home, played with the kiddo for a bit, and then got ready to swim.  Now that I have been in the pool a few times, I decided to work on some technique.  First I swam the 1/3 mile (20 laps) uninterrupted (13 minutes), and then practiced breathing every 4 strokes instead of 2.  I really think that will improve my speed, however, it is harder (duh). 

 

Scale is still holding firm, 9lbs to go till I meet my first goal.  There is room for improvement in my eating.  And I have NOT been drinking enough water.  Water intake will be my focus for a bit. 

I've been super busy at work lately, so apologies for the choppy facts only post. To make up for it, here is a pic from our stay in Leavenworth, WA.  

Training Updates

It has been roughly two weeks since I decided to train for a sprint triathlon, and I've been sticking to my self-created training schedule very closely.  Last Wednesday, my mission was to check out the public pool down the road from our house, get a feel for how crowded it is, how everything works, etc.  The hubs was a super sport and came along with me to check things out, and perhaps next time we will take turns swimming/watching the kid.  More on that later. 

 

At first glance, the pool was exactly what I was expecting.  Large Olympic size pool, smaller shallow pool filled with toddlers adjacent, lanes, flags, swim clocks, and bleachers for parents/on lookers.  I put my things into a locker and rinsed off before heading out to the pool.  When I got closer to the large pool, I noticed it had a crazy deep end and high dive.  This meant that I could jump in like a little kid, unlike the Y where the whole pool is 4ft deep or whatever.  It's the little things.  Not sure if it was a fluke day due to really nice weather outside, but the pool only had a few occupants and I was able to grab a whole lane to myself!

 

With a real size pool (25m), I could actually count my distance, and create benchmarks to train with.  My first goal was to swim 10 laps (250m) unbroken, and see how long that took me.  250m is about half of the distance in the sprint triathlon.  I put my goggles on, took note of the time, and off I went.  I swam and counted.  Swam and counted.  When I got to 10, I stopped at the end of the pool, could feel a little red faced, and looked at the clock.  Five minutes had passed.  I was pretty happy about that.  I was tired for sure, but I know I'll be able to build up to 600m no problem, and have a goal to swim that in 12 minutes or less.  I swam 10 or so more laps at a leisurely pace, and then was satisfied with my first real training swim.  The hubs and baby were enjoying watching the toddlers in the pool, and in a few weeks, infant swim lessons start up at the same time as lap swim, so, I can get my training in, and the hubs can be teaching baby to swim.  Everyone wins! 

 

Last Friday I had a 20 minute run scheduled, as I'm trying to slowly build up to a longer sustained run.  Our CrossFit workouts that week (Wednesday/Thursday) happened to be running heavy, so I was getting plenty of run time in.  I packed up the jogging stroller and drove down to the bike path by my house.  The kid and I hit the trail, and I was able to run for 20 minutes straight, pushing a stroller.  I was happy with that.  I wasn't paying attention to distance this time, but I will start.  After the 20 minute jog, I walked for a bit, and noticed the kid fell asleep, not wanting to wake a sleeping baby, I kept walking around the shopping mall next to the bike path (and maybe bought a few things).

 

Yesterday (Sunday) one of my friends that is doing the triathlon with me suggested we go for a swim.  She offered to watch baby while I swam, and then she could swim once I was done.  It worked out great.  I jumped in for a quick 20 minutes of swimming (got in 26+ laps), got out, hung out in the bleachers with baby while my friend swam.  As hard as it is to coordinate, I've always enjoyed working out with other people.  It is motivating, social, and holds me accountable.  I'm hoping we can get in as many of these Sunday swims as possible. 

 

Next on the agenda- bike ride.  I haven't been on a (non stationary) bike in probably a year or so.  Being super pregnant last summer, a bike was the last place I wanted to be.  Not sure when I can fit a ride in just yet, but hopefully soon. 

 

 

Burpees Cure All

Friday I woke up and it felt as if I slept on my shoulder wrong.  As the day went on, I kept wiggling and trying to move it around, it just felt like something was out of place.  Then I started getting these weird spasms across my upper back on the side of the shoulder in question that would take my breath away, and make me tense up in pain.  It was annoying, and I started wondering if I would need a chiropractic appointment (I've never been!). 

 

I rolled around on the floor in my cubicle trying to get things worked out.  I hung from doorway jams around the office.  While the stretches felt good during, as soon as I would move back to walking/standing, the spasms would hit.  I powered through the rest of my day, and was unsure how I'd feel carrying my son around, or how I was going to get in my scheduled workout that evening.  We were also headed out of town for the weekend, and I didn't want to be sitting in a car for 4 hours feeling like this! 

 

After the rendezvous with the hubs to pass off the kiddo, I headed home, still in random pain.  As soon as I was home, I took two advil, and went about normal after work activities- grocery shopping, picking up the house, playing with the baby, making dinner, packing for the trip, changing diapers, laundry, listening to tv in the background...I looked at my workout schedule, and I had my benchmark workout scheduled- 5min as many burpees as possible, rest 2 minutes, then repeat- 5min as many burpees as possible.  The advil was definitely helping, but I wasn't sure if I could do a burpee.

 

I waited until the kiddo was asleep (6:30p) and changed into workout clothes.  I set a mat down on the living room floor, set a timer for 5 minutes, and got my burpee on.  No pain.  I was moving slow, but no pain.  The 5 minutes went quick.  The rest time went SUPER quick.  I was determined to get at least one more burpee in my second set.  Not only did I get one more, I got 8 more!  I think I should have warmed up first.  The second set, I was in a good groove, and really pushing myself.  The best part?  Afterwards?  NO PAIN.  Gone. 

 

So, that settles it.  Burpees cure ALL. 

 

Our hotel over the weekend had a pool, so I used that as an opportunity to test my swimming in preparation for the sprint tri.  The hotel pool was tiny, but large enough to get a few solid strokes in before having to turn around.  My first couple of laps were rusty, I forgot that I like to breathe every 2 strokes on the same side instead of 3 switching sides.  I also forgot how much I hate getting water in my ears.  But.  BUUUUUTTTT...I fell back into a groove, remembered all my youth swim lesson instructions and was able to swim freestyle for 10 minutes? without stopping my first time in a lap pool in 6 years.  I could have kept going longer, but I was kinda skeeved out by the hotel pool, and I was getting bored since the pool was so small.  Petty, I know.  However, my main mission was to just get in a pool and see how it went.  Tomorrow I will be heading to a public pool here for a real swim, in a 25m pool, etc. 

 

Holding at the same weight this week, no change.  I have nothing more to say about that. 

 

 

Friday Confessions

I used my sleeping baby as an excuse to cut short a visit from a friend who lives out of town because I wanted to finish my workout...

 

Let me explain...I began my sprint triathlon training this week.  I'm a visual person, so I found an excel one-month calendar template and decided to populate the days with a training schedule.  I know, NERD ALERT.  When I have it all laid out in front of me, I can easily see if I am spending enough time on each activity each week, and scheduling in rest days appropriately.  I also have to take into account my two days a week at CrossFit, and when I can get into the public pool.  Hence, a schedule is needed. 

 

Two days ago I had my first run scheduled.  I almost always take the babe for a walk after work, but decided that I need to bump that up sometimes to a run.  I got a jogging stroller, and new pair of running shoes all in anticipation to start my training.  When I arrived at home, was greeted with a napping baby.  Usually, this is OSOM.  But that day, I wanted to run.  I figured it would be 30 minutes or so before he woke, that's about usual nap time.  So I used the nap time to get changed into running gear, and do my quick strength circuit workout that I wrote as part of my training.  I figured he would be up after that.  Nope...over an hour later...and of course at that moment it starts pouring.  Like heavens opening up pouring.  Luckily, when I want to do anything that involves the baby, it takes a fortnight.  By the time I had him all fed, changed, properly dressed, etc., the rain had nearly stopped.  Out the door we went, and I got my first run in pushing a stroller.  I did 4X800m, with a few minutes of walking between each 800m. 

 

Yesterday I had a long walk and a strength circuit planned.  I headed out the door for my walk, and got a text.  Oh, yeah.  A friend of mine was in town for the evening and wanted to stop by and visit.  Totally spaced that.  It was 3pm, I told her as long as she came by before 6p, she'd get to see baby awake. At 4:45 no sign of her still...baby was fussy, and hadn't napped, I was counting on nap time to get the circuit in.  I just figured I'd do the circuit after baby went down to sleep, and at the rate he was going, it would be 6pmon the dot.  At 5:15p my friend shows up, and baby is enamoured with her.  They play and play, it was great.  Then baby started rubbing his eyes, and my friend fields a phone call in which she begins inviting people over to my house, and talks about getting take out.  I start to panic internally...MY SCHEDULE!  I still have a workout to get in, and then I go to sleep at 8pm...

 

My friend leaves at 6pm to go get take out and I think people are on their way to my house.  Baby passes out at 6:19p, andat 6:45 there is still no sign of anyone.  So I call my friend and ask her where she is at.  She says on her way back from the take out place.  I kindly ask if there is any place else she can meet up with the others, as there is only one hour left until my bed time, baby is asleep, and I have to do things to get ready for the next day.  She completely understands, and makes other arrangements to eat her take out at a different location.  I felt sort of bad because I haven't seen her in 6 months, but we did have a good visit when baby was awake, and most importantly, I had to stick to my training schedule!

 

I put my workout clothes back on, grabbed my kettlebell, and busted out a quick 4 round circuit:

10 each leg reverse decline lunges (lunge backwards off a raised surface, like a step or block)

5 KB clean and press each side

10 jump squats

 

Whew!  I was sweating.  It was a great little burner to end the day.  I went over to my training schedule hanging on the fridge and drew a fat red "X" through the day.  I'm just going to take this one day at a time.  There will always be hiccups that have the potential to mess up my schedule.  I need to be flexible with events of my day, but rigid in that I will always complete what I have on the schedule.

Gratuitous pic:

History

I saw a meme somewhere, FB? Instagram? somewhere...that said "Do one thing everyday that scares you."  No, wait, it was on the side of a Lululemon bag.  Anyway, I'm about to do something that will scare me everyday for 16 weeks.  I just registered for a sprint triathalon. 

 

Historically, me signing up for events like this has had the exact opposite intended effect.  The intended effect is for me to have a goal to work towards, something that is outside my current comfort level that will require extra training/dicipline. The idea is that the event will be something looming over my head that will give me that extra push in my daily workouts, and when the event comes, I will be so fulfilled by all my hard work and preparation.  Not to mention be in the best shape ever, and have a banging body.  Amiright? 

 

Instead... shortly after registering for an event, I tend to procrastinate, put things off, and then panic one week out from said event.  In 2009 I signed up for a 1/2 marathon with my friend.  It was February, 1/2 marathon was in June.  Plenty of time!  I went for a few runs in those 4 months, but never followed a proper training schedule.  I was also at my heaviest adult weight.  The race was not pretty.  I signed up in 2010 to redeem myself, but ended up backing out at the last minute because I didn't train enough, and I didn't want to just slog through again.  There have been other instances of similar behavior for 5K's, 10K's and other events.  The outcome has always been that instead of ramping up my training, I seem to do the exact opposite.  Kind of like when anyone tells me to do something...I am my biggest obstacle.

 

Lately I've been really into forgiving myself, and NOT letting history repeat itself.  Just because I used to eat a whole lot of food out of boredom/sadness/celebration/whatever doesn't mean I still have to do that.  Just because I've tried a few times in the past to be motivated by signing up for events and failed at preparing doesn't mean it will happen again.  I have it in me to be the change, to set new precedents...I just have to get up one more time then I fall down.

 

The event is roughly 16 weeks away, it is an all female sprint triathalon.  The swim is 1/3 mile, followed by a 12 mile bike, and then a 3 mile run.  I know I can go out today and bike 12 miles.  I know I could go out tomorrow and run 3 miles.  I'm pretty out of the loop on swimming.  There was a time I was a good swimmer, I just haven't been in the pool regularly in years.  That is priority #1.  I acquired a jogging stroller yesterday, so that will be my new best friend.  I have been taking the kiddo on tons of walks, so I'm just going to turn those into jogs/ runs/ runs and walks.  I'm going to train with my current bike (mountain bike) but will have to get or borrow a road bike for the event.  My plan is to train for the run and bike with as much resistance as possible (pushing a jogging stroller, pulling a bike trailer) and get into the pool as much as I can between now and summer.  When summer hits, I'm going to need to incorporate some lake swims, since the 1/3 mile is in the lake. 

 

Phew.  Yeah.  In 16 weeks, I'm going to be participating in an event that involves wearing a swimsuit.  I'm a little scared. 

 

 

 

Oh, weigh in today- blah.  Up one pound- not surprising, had family in town for holiday weekend, ate all the good things around town.  Back at it today.  9lbs to go.  :(  doesn't sound as good as 8lbs...

 

 

 

 

 

No Extremes, Just Consistency

After being a little disappointed last week when I stepped on the scale, I made a quick decision to forget about it and move on.  I did not stick my head into a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and think "oh, well, scale was up a pound, what will this hurt?"  I've tried that in the past- doesn't work.  Instead, I continued to cook meals at home, bring in my breakfasts and lunches to work, and move as much as possible. 

 

I came into work one morning, and was the first person at the office.  There was an entire tray of desserts in the work kitchen, and I walked by it.  Numerous times!  I mean, NO ONE was around!  I could have eaten something!  Except, I would know.  Instead, I microwaved my chicken thighs and roasted broccoli. 

 

A few days later we had a catered lunch at work.  The desert was some fruit/cream cheese/pie thing.  I had a piece.  It was awesome.  I didn't feel bad. 

 

I spent the weekend running around like crazy, I had a super jam packed social weekend that is pretty rare for me.  After going to a friends house for brunch on Saturday morning, I hosted a dinner that night where I had 6 people over.  I made an awesome dinner of 2 whole roasted chickens, broccoli with garlic/olive oil, and a quinoa salad with various veggies and raisins mixed in.  I had a glass of delicious wine.

 

So, having a week VERY similar to the previous week in which I saw a 1lb gain, I stepped on the scale this am, ready for whatever.  I was greeted with a 3lb LOSS.  I was not overjoyed, I did not immediately run to my closet and pull out my tiniest jeans thinking they would fit.  I just exhaled and remembered that the overall trend is what matters.  No extremes, just consistency. No beating myself up over gains, and no elation for losses. 

 

That puts me at a net total of 2lbs lost towards my 1st 10lb goal.  Yay!  8lbs to go.  Sounds much better than 10lbs...