I Miss My Collar Bone

216- HCT

2012-02-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

Guess what happened today during our warm-up? Hot Cop Trainer (HCT) walked into the gym in uniform. I almost fell over, but instead I blurted out "Are you here to strip for us?" True story. Maybe you had to be there, but it really did seem like a plausible option. I mean, come on, how many movies have you seen where a hot cop randomly walks into a place that is seemingly unlikely only to start stripping? Heh.

I'll let you go ahead and guess what his response was.

Our workout was awesome today, 3 rounds of: 23 KB swings (Russian at 35#), 14 goblet squats (35#). I finished in 3:38, it was like my dream workout! One of the guys came up to me and asked if I was sore from yesterdays death by burpees and thrusters. I said "nope" because I'm not, which is kind of odd now that I think about it, and he was like, "man, I'm so sore!" I might have to introduce him to fish oil. Huh. Maybe there is something to this new plan I'm following...increased energy, feeling strong in my workouts, and no soreness?! Only time will tell if this keeps up, but for right now, I'm feeling pretty good.

217- Carb Cycling

2012-02-13T19:56:00.001-08:00

The past 10 days I spent preparing my body for this moment...carb cycling. Its a pretty popular phrase going around these days, and we all know how I love popular things. So for the next 2 weeks, I'll be eating 3 days of protein/veg/natural fats and 1 day of protein/veg/natural fats/simple carb/fruit. The idea is to keep your body guessing. The three days of high protein and veg get your metabolism working hard, and then just as it thinks it needs to start storing fat, I throw a yam and some fruit at it. In theory, my body realizes it has everything it needs, and continues to burn fat. Then you hit it with the protein again.

Yet another experiment on my body. I will say one thing though- today was a KILLER workout at the gym (literally- it was Death-by format) and I felt stronger then I have in months. We started by doing death by burpees, and I'm not the best when it comes to burpees. In my head, I'm a sleek machine that crouches down, kicks her feet out behind her, hits the floor (hey, I'm gonna let gravity do as much as possible!), bounces up to my feet and jumps with a clap overhead in one smooth move. In REALITY...I think I look like someone who accidentally hits the floor face first, proceeds to flop around on the floor like a fish out of water, before clammering up to my feet and jumping/clapping overhead. Luckily, there are no mirrors in a CF gym. I got through 10 full rounds of death by burpees (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) and 8 into round 11 before I had to call it quits. That's 63 burpees! But I was not done with the WOD. I got to rest for 3 minutes, and then I was on death by thrusters. I REALLY wanted to make it to round 10, but also wanted to go heavier then the girls Rx weight (65#). I chose to go with 75#, because hey, its Monday, and I know I can do it. I made it through 9 rounds (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,) or 45 thrusters. Again, I felt really strong on these, and it was just my lungs that prevented me from being able to do them quickly. Hopefully I'm working on that detail with my new running plan.

I'm pretty sick of chewing on lean protein, but I will say one thing...I am SO lucky to have a fiance that can cook lean protein and not make it taste like sawdust. I'm actually eating a juicy chicken breast right now. Before I met him, such a thing never existed. So looking forward to my re-fuel day (aka yam/fruit day)!

218- Back to Running

2012-02-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

Friday was the grand re-opening of a closed portion of the nice running path by my house. For the past 8 months the 2 mile section I use the most was under repair. What a more perfect way to kick off my new weekend running plan then with a nice run to check out the new shiny path? In order just to get to the path, its a 1 mile walk down hill. That means to return home, I am guaranteed a 1 mile uphill stretch at the end of my run. Every time I've done this in the past, I've never been able to run back up the hill without walking breaks.

Yesterday was no exception to that. Although, I did run more of the hill then I ever previously remember running. My goal is to eventually be ending my run with the hill, without stopping.

Before leaving the house, I had to decide what shoes to wear. I am a classic heel striker, but I'm trying to focus on a more mid-foot strike, which still feels weird to me. When I first learned that I was running all wrong, I immediately went out an got a pair of Nike Free's. They are a nice light, minimal shoe. When I wear them, I really need to focus on not heel striking, as the shoe doesn't automatically promote that. After a few runs with sore calves, things got better. They were my CrossFit shoe of choice, since if there was a workout that involve running and weightlifting, these would do.

After spraining my ankle, I decided to get a pair of real minimal shoes to build the strength back up, but couldn't bring myself to get the Five Fingers. I settled on the NB Minimus. I liked the feel of these a lot. Tons of room in the toe, very light, they gave me the feel of barefoot, but I could still step on rocks. The minimus took the place of the Free's at the gym. Initially I wasn't doing any running or box jumps, so the NB minimus were my shoe for squats, kettlebell swings, lunges, barbell stuff- anything that didn't require me to move my feel a whole bunch.

Eventually I took the minimus' out for a test run. A short one since my ankle was still heeling up, but holy crap, my calves have never been so sore. These shoes definitely promote a different style of running. I decided that for longer runs, I'd stick with the Free's, and for most all other activities, I'd use the minimus' except of course for lifting only days- then I'd wear my Oly lifting shoes.

I was about to run 3+ miles, so I strapped on the Free's and headed out the door to warm up with a 1 mile walk downhill. I got to the newly paved path and began my run. I felt much better this week than last week. My breathing fell into a quick rhythm and it wasn't so painful getting started. I ran a little over a mile down the path, turned around and ran back. My calves were definitely feeling it, but I was up for the challenge of the big hill. Like I mentioned above, I had to take a few walk breaks, but I think in a few weeks, I'll be able to conquer the hill without stopping. My total run for yesterday (not including the walk downhill) was 3.34 miles, and I did that in just under 40 minutes. I think that's a pretty good starting point, but I can definitely improve, especially when I quit taking walk breaks coming back up the hill.

219- Friday Faileo

2012-02-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot Friday Faileo! So here it is on Saturday once again. If you haven't heard about this yet, well, you might just live under a rock. Which is cool, since that is pretty Paleo. I haven't eaten at McDonalds in well over a year, and now I don't forsee it ever coming back into my body. Ever.

McDonald’s Announces End to ‘Pink Slime’ in Burgers: McDonald’s has announced that it will be discontinuing the use of the controversial meat product known as boneless lean beef trimmings in its burgers. The product was recently brought to the attention of the public by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who derisively referred to it as “pink...

220- Tired of Starting Over?

2012-02-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

Quit giving up.

That's the best thing I've read all day.

I'm feeling like the blog world is in need of a pep talk. If I had a loudspeaker, I'd say this to everyone that is struggling:

You are a smart, hard working, beautiful individual that is just as worthy a spot on this earth as anyone else. A number on the scale, a man (or woman), a job, a car, or the number of facebook friends you have does not define you. Only you define you. You create your own happiness, so don't spend time worrying about things you can't control. Every life event is an opportunity to learn, the trick is to find the lesson as quickly as possible. Treat yourself to foods packed with nutrition, exercise frequently, get plenty of sleep, and don't forget to laugh a lot.

That's all.

222- Small Tweeks

2012-02-08T20:10:00.000-08:00

If you've been paying attention for a few weeks now, you may have noticed that I've been making small tweeks to my life. I am currently on a coffee hiatus- don't want to say I've given it up, but as of now, I'm not drinking it, and I don't miss it. A few weeks ago I started trying to get one gallon of water in me a day. About a week ago I mentioned that I was going to be changing up the way that I ate, and adding in supplements.

At the end of the month, I'll do a full wrap up of the program I've been following as far as when to eat, how much to eat, etc. I don't want to jinx anything, but things are going really well. I have good mental clarity, cravings are non-existent, and I'm losing weight. Water it might be, but it still feels good to flush out my system with a full gallon of water a day.

The bf deluxe is kind of annoyed by my new rules- leaner cuts of meat and less (practically no) salt. But, I told him I feel good, and he's supportive. Today during a text conversation, he was asking what the "rules" were for dinner, and I told him. Then I texted "I'm going to be hot!" To which he responded "I like you the way you are." I thanked him, and said "there are more things I want to be able to do that I can't right now." At the same time, our texts would have crossed in mid-air if that's how they worked, we said "yeah, like if I (you) slipped on a ledge and needed to pull myself (yourself) up." This of course started a contest back and forth coming up with events in which I would need to be able to perform a pull-up. All of them were very realistic and pertinent to my life...like if I were to find myself hanging off a helicopter skid, or the side of a skyscraper.

So yes, until I can be confident that I'm ready for any scenario a movie with Bruce Willis can throw at me, I'm going to keep tweeking the way I do things and reporting the outcomes here.

In other news, tomorrow concludes Week #1 with Challenge Buddy! I'll have a full wrap up of our first week coming soon.

224- 100% vs. 90%

2012-02-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

Not that you can see me, but today I'm wearing a pair of pants that I haven't worn in over 5 years. Don't worry, they are khaki's- impossible to be out of style. Especially for work.

When I'm sticking to my plan of no sugar, no grains, etc., 100%, I feel great, I look better, and weight comes off easy. When I get complacent and start allowing things to creep in (corn tortillas, etc.) and still remain about 90% good, I stall out and maintain. It sucks that its such a fine line, but at least know where the line is!

For your reading pleasure, how pasta not bacon makes you fat:
http://www.fastcodesign.com/1668916/pasta-not-bacon-makes-you-fat-but-how

225- Summer in February

2012-02-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday with clear skies and temperatures at or near 60 degrees, I couldn't help but take myself for a nice run around the neighborhood. As I was making my way around, uphill mostly, I marveled at the fact that I can just 'head out the door and run.' It wasn't a painful experience, but it wasn't as comfortable as when I'm used to running either. It was just exercise, fresh air, and time to myself.

I remember when running was my sole means of exercise. It would take weeks for me to build up to the feeling that I wasn't dying. I felt I had to keep running nearly everyday, or I would lose that "stamina" or whatever it was. Sometimes I would go a week or two without running, and it felt like I was back at square one all over again. But, when I was running frequently, and actually out and able to enjoy it? There was nothing better.

CrossFit gives me just enough of a base so that I can go out for an occasional run and not be dying, but I still don't quite feel the ease and specialization from running more frequently. I miss that feeling. So...there are a few things I'd like to start doing once the weather gets predictably nicer...not just this fluke weekend in February. I'm going to start running to and from the gym- its about 1/2 mile each way, and I'm going to start running again on the weekends. I would like to do a few 5K's this summer as well, hopefully getting under that 30 minute mark, which has been a goal of mine for a year now!

226- Friday Faileo

2012-02-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

I saw the item below somewhere on the interwebs, and it gave me the inspiration to do "Friday Faileo." I know today is Saturday, but I thought of this yesterday, and I already had a post up. So I'm going to try and post one of these each Friday- some item/food/activity/etc. that is completely against Paleo principles, hence- Faileo.

This is an excellent place to start:

Two years ago, I'd be making this TONIGHT. Two years ago, I was also 40 pounds heavier on a fast course to (if not already) Type II Diabetic.

227- Green Tea

2012-02-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

Big news here, I just discovered green tea. As a good friend kindly said to me after I shared the news with her "welcome to 1999." Totes. I've been coffee free for over 3 weeks now, and surprisingly, after the first 5 days, it wasn't hard. I never found myself mindlessly going to the coffee maker and filling up the coffee pot half way with water before remembering 'no coffee.' I never found myself in the breakroom grabbing a paper cup and holding under the pump pot before remembering 'no coffee.' I just sort of forgot about coffee altogether. I don't know, its hard to explain, and weird because for as many years as I can remember back (15+), I've started EVERY morning with coffee.

A few weeks ago, February Challenge Buddy recommended a green tea blend she liked. BF deluxe kept trying to get me to try tea. Finally, yesterday, I had it up to my eyeballs with my stupid half-cold (not full blown enough to miss work, but not less enough to be ignored, and 5 days already?! Over it!) and I wandered into the breakroom and noticed green tea. Work just happened to stock the green tea brand challenge buddy recommended, but not the type- she likes the mint green, and we only had plain green. No worries, I found a bag of mint tea next to the green tea, and combined the two. Crazy, I know. I figured I wanted more flavor, so I let those guys sit in there for about a minute, and when it cooled down enough to not burn my lips off, I tried it. The warm liquid was so soothing to my sick throat, and made my sinues feel better. Before I knew it, the tea was gone. It was also fantastic to drink something besides water. Sold!

I woke up today feeling so much better. I doubt its the tea, and more of the half-cold finally running its course, but whatever. I had more tea today, and it was delicious. I can see this easily becoming a new obsession of mine, and isn't there something about green tea and weight loss? Hmmm. Slow to learn sometimes, slow to learn.

In other news, I felt well enough today to go to the gym, and I have no idea why after missing 4 days of CrossFit, it felt like my first day. Always. Must remember to not skip so many days. They announced today a Superbowl Sunday WOD, and I'm all about that!

228- February 1st (2nd?) Update

2012-02-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

Last month was not my best month. I did not catch the "new year" fever, and ended up with a month of maintaining. Lesson learned. Without further ado, here are the photos to prove I haven't turned into a bloated whale, I look pretty much exactly the same.

January 1:

February 1:

My goals for January were:

Focus on getting back to a clean paleo diet- too many things have been slowly creeping back in (dark chocolate, nuts, corn chips, etc.)

This didn't really happen. Too many compromise items found their way into my day.

Drink 1 gallon of water/day

Yes! Well, damn near close. I'd say I averaged around 100oz a day, which is a vast improvement over the 40oz or so I was getting in before.

Weekend at home kettlebell workouts with the new toy

Yes! Love the new toy. I use it nearly daily, even if its just to do a few shoulder to overheads on each side.

Continue with Fish oil/vitamin D supplements

I did awesome on the vitamin D, but the fish oil thing I can't seem to make part of my routine. I will continue to work on this, since getting Omega-3's is SOOOO necessary. I did try to eat more of our pasture eggs, walnuts, and tuna (all good sources of Omega 3's).

I did have a few awesome PR's for the month of January, I hit a new deadlift PR of 235#, and I discovered my 30 rep max back squat PR is 125#. Keep em coming!

As I mentioned yesterday, goals for this month are:

1) Firm up my diet - more veggies, portion control

2) Supplements!

3) continue on my coffee hiatus

4) 1 gallon of water per day

5) Shake this plateau

I'm still feeling the tail end of this cold, so I'm not feeling my best. Hoping it moves along soon. I miss the gym! I checked in with challenge buddy earlier, and so far day 1 is a success for us both! Oh, and if you thought I was kidding about her being funny, check out the comment she left on yesterday's post.

229- Introducing February Challenge Buddy

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

I'm so ridiculously excited for February, I can hardly stand it. First off, I have a challenge buddy! I'll get to her introduction in a second. Next, I mentioned the other day that I'm ready to break through this mental and physical plateau of mine with renewed structure, supplements, and of course, no grains, no sugar, no dairy, no alcohol, no coffee, and continuing to drink a gallon of water a day. My post yesterday was really eye opening for me, and now I feel I know what I need to do.

My February challenge buddy is someone I've never met, but I've been a follower of her blog for at least 1.5 years. I first found her blog through Jack Sh*t's blogroll, and after a few of her posts cracked me up, I was hooked. Not to mention she is a fellow Pacific Northwester, and has such dry sense of humor, if you aren't paying attention, you just might miss the joke. I'm so happy to have the Cilley Girl as my challenge buddy this month.

We have laid out plans for the month out, and decided we would be taking before/after photos, and weighing ourselves. Cilley's primary focus will be eliminating grains and processed sugars, as she's already done some Paleo experimenting and found out what foods do and don't work for her. Dairy works for her, potatoes work for her, corn does not. Diet coke will take the place of her 2 cups of coffee a day. In summary, her goals for the month are:

1) record all food ingested

2) take fish oil supplement

3) incorporate more veggies and water into diet

My goals for the month are:

1) Firm up my diet - more veggies, portion control

2) Supplements!

3) continue on my coffee hiatus

4) 1 gallon of water per day

5) Shake this plateau

Tomorrow I'll post my January summary and pictures.

230- Five Stages

2012-01-31T10:57:00.001-08:00

My post on Sunday was a little dramatic ("2 months of no weight loss and 1 month of no inches lost") forgive me, I came down with a cold shortly after writing that post, and my brain was most likely distracted. While that statement is true, looking back to my numbers from August when I started this year, I've lost 10 inches and at least 11 pounds. *Insert commentary about slow and steady winning the race here.*  I still find the need to be a little introspective on this past month, and how I can improve upon the next.  There was a lightbulb moment of sorts last night when the bf deluxe was trying to push cold medicine on me. "Just take some, you'll feel better." "No thanks, I don't want that stuff in me."  *Bf deluxe eyeroll.* I said "I feel when I take that stuff, I suffer less, but for a longer period of time. I rather suffer a whole bunch for less time."

Apparently that is a true statment for when I have a cold, but not much else. I took a step outside myself, and realized I have been suffering a little for a long period of time. This revelation led to another.

When we lose something dear to us, there are said to be five stages of grief.
1. Denial, Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargining
4. Depression/sadness
5. Acceptance

I know it may seem ridiculous to some people that I may be deep in the process of grieving for the loss of---Food. Believe me, it sounds ridiculous to me. But when I look back at my 1.5 years of learning to eat Paleo, I see the five steps almost crystal clear.  Well, at least, I see that I've at the very least made it to step 3- Bargining, and this is where I believe I'm stuck.

Denial/Isolation
After my first 8 days into full fledged Paleo, I felt so amazing. Life was sunshine and puppies and bacon. I knew at that moment that I wanted to eat this way (and feel this way) for the rest of my life. Not only that, but it felt as if it was the way I SHOULD have been eating all along. My first real test came two days later around day 10, when I had to take a trip to California for my cousins graduation. I knew it was going to be tough facing my family (who can't do anything without planning the meal first) and also being away from my own kitchen and support system. I had momentum though. I was new to Paleo, excited, and ready to take on all of the "don't you miss bread? You LOVE bread?" and "can cavemen eat this?" and "you sure are eating a lot of fat." The comments rolled off me like water off a ducks back.  However, I still found myself telling myself was happy eating my chicken and salad with olive oil/balsamic dressing while they were stuffing their faces with red velvet cake and pulled pork sliders. Like if I said it enough times, it would become more true. Somewhere after these 30 days or so, the momentum became tough to hold onto. I found myself saying no to events that I wished I could attend, but might lead to annoying questions, or put me in close proximity to dangerous foods. I definitely felt alone swimming against the tide.

Anger
This step gets tested over and over. I see my fit friends eating all sorts of crap, and it makes me so angry. Why can't I eat a plate of pasta and wipe the plate with bread like a normal person? This usually leads to some sort of cheat, which may lead to one or more, which leaves me feeling like crap. Then I get even MORE annoyed that its true. I can not eat certain things (wheat, gluten, refined sugar).

Bargining
Ah, yes. The compromise. I am a master at the compromise.  Oh, its gluten free? Sure!  That will work, just this one day.  I bet I can find a "paleo" dessert/pancake/bread recipe! This my friends is the stage in which I'm suffering less, but suffering longer. By allowing more items to be on the table (corn tortillas, dark chocolate, paleotized items), I feel more "normal" and therefore suffer less thoughts of feeling sorry for myself. However, by allowing these questionable items to become commonplace, I'm slowing my bodies progress towards insulin regulation and weight loss, therefore suffering longer. I know why I'm stuck here. I'm still holding onto the thought that one day, if I do reach a weight that is more suited to my body, I can eat the off-limits foods.  I hope everyone sees how messed up that thinking is. I do. But that doesn't change it. Even more so, that thinking has prevented me from reaching the next step- depression/sadness because just as I get to the feeling sad for all the things I can't eat anymore, I bargin my way out of it and eat a paleo waffle, or some Juanitas tortilla chips and Emerald Valley Salsa.

Sadness
I must figure out a way to allow myself to mourn my old lifestyle without turning this stage into bargining. While I can say it over and over to myself that I just can't eat certain things ever again, it has yet to really hit me to the point of me being sad and mopey about it. I need to recognize the sadness coming on, and let it hit without numbing it with 70% chocolate or a handful of raisins. This stage is absolutely necessary for me to get through, since after sadness, I can enter the best stage of all.

Acceptance
I don't think I'll have any problems once I get here. I will proudly eat the discarded chicken skin off your plate, and pass on the bread and cupcakes. There won't be any need to justify my actions, the way I look will do that for me. I will no longer waste my breath trying to explain my choices to people that will never accept anything except what they are doing. When I get here, I won't be on any diet or part of any crazy cult. I will just be Paleo.

I don't think I can force myself into the sadness phase, but I do believe that recognition is the first step. Now perhaps when I find myself contemplating bargining thoughts, I can determine if I'm bargining to avoid sadness (or something else). Chances are, I bet I will be! When I find myself between stages 3 and 4, I'll remind myself "I rather suffer a large amount for a shorter period of time than suffer a little bit for an indefinite amount of time."

This post was adapted from and inspired by Robin Strathdee, a contributer to the Whole9 Blog: original post found here:
http://whole9life.com/2012/01/the-five-stages-of-food-grief/

232- Crossroads

2012-01-29T10:51:00.000-08:00

After two months of no weight loss, and one month of zero inches lost, I've come to a crossroads. I can continue to do what I am currently doing and hope that this plateau passes soon, or I can change what I'm doing in hopes of surprising my body and hope that I break through this plateau.

In light of the video I posted yesterday, and my seemingly endless plateau, I'm opting to change things up. Before you get too excited, please know that I do not plan on letting grains, sugar, legumes, or dairy into my diet with this change up. I'm going to make my diet more nutrient focused, by adding more supplements (higher quality fish oil, amino acids, vitamins, etc.) changing my eating patterns to less food more often, and changing the patterns in which I eat macro nutrient groups (alternating protein + veg with fruit + fat etc.) for the goal of keeping my body guessing.

Numerous studies have been done about how bodies like to find homeostasis. For someone trying to shed excess pounds, homeostasis is about the worst thing that can happen. It means that a body has adjusted to whatever food/exercise regimen its been given, and is now resting comfortably. Bodies love to do this. That is why plateaus exist, and why we are always told to keep our bodies guessing.

February will be all about shake up. I'm going to kick my body out of homeostasis and show it that there is still work to be done!

233- A MUST See. Really.

2012-01-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

I was tipped off to this video's existence by following Everyday Paleo on Facebook. This video was passed out to Sarah (the blogs author) by her sons teacher. The fact that this idea is gaining momentum to the point of being passed out to parents from teachers is beyond exciting.

If you're a big softy like me, you might want a tissue. This is 17 minutes that will not be a waste of time:

234- Staying Motivated

2012-01-27T15:28:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, one of the bloggers I regularly check in on posted a few questions to her readers, and invited them the answer in the comments section. The questions were:
1) "What keeps you motivated?"
2) "What keeps you inspired?"
3) "Why do you continute to fight over and over again for your healthiness?"
4) "Is the reason you started different than the reason you keep fighting?"

I fully admit that I am pretty much a strict read-only follower of many blogs. It takes a lot for me to comment. I don't comment on blogs so that people will click on my name and find my blog, although I do almost always check out the blogs of people that leave comments here (THANK YOU!). I comment when something in the post moves me. I was very close to commenting on this post yesterday, but after reading the few comments already left by people, I decided against it. Instead, I'm going to hijack the idea and use my answers for the base of my post.

First, I want to change the order in which I answer the questions from the order they were asked. I think the most important question in this set is the 3rd one, and for me, it leads to the answers for the remaining questions. So, why do I continue to fight over and over for my healthiness?

In short, because I know I can be better. There is always something I can do to improve upon my current situation, and I've been in all sorts of situations. I've been fit (although I didn't realize it at the time), I've been less than fit, I've been really really unfit (again, didn't realize it at the time) and at each of those phases in my life, I always knew there was more I could be doing. The hardest thing for me to accept lately is that in order to keep fighting for my healthiness, I must go against a lot of things I've been told are beneficial. Some people see my new way of eating/exercising/living as extreme, or a fad, or cultish. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but until you have walked a mile in my shoes, or lived 32 years of my life, you don't know what is best for me. You are an expert on you, I'm an expert on me. Normal judgement and speculation by people that know me well enough to ask questions about my diet has made this more of a fight than I had hoped. I continue to fight because this is the best I've ever felt, and eating this way completely releases the hold that food once had on me. Unless you've felt that helpless feeling, of repeatedly doing something detrimental to your health/body despite KNOWING better, and then having that behavior completely stop, you may not understand why this is so exciting for me.

Is the reason I started different than the reason I keep fighting? Absolutely. I've dedicated many posts to revealing how intitially all I wanted was to lose weight. I realize now I couldn't have been any more vague. I slowly let go of getting a number stuck in my head and doing what I thought I needed to do to get there. Now I look for changes in the way my clothes fit, how much more weight I can lift, or how much faster I am. I don't have a goal weight, because it has been replaced by the many things I want to be able to do (deadlift 300#, squat 250#, OH squat my body weight, 30" box jump, free standing hand stand, pull-ups, run sub 8 minute miles, the list goes on...) So yeah, I'd say my reason has changed significantly.

What keeps me motivated? Seeing progress. Feeling good. Not suffering from allergies/headaches. Remembering things I couldn't do one year ago that I can do today. Writing out my experiences. Having people join me for 30 days. Knowing that as long as I keep on this path, one day it will all catch up to me. Something will finally click, and I will be unstoppable.

What keeps me inspired? Seeing others make huge gains toward their goals. Constantly changing things up so I don't get bored.

If I stand still in this moment right here, and reflect on how I got here, I see a lot of growing up, adapting, learning, changing, practicing, and listening. There is no one way. There is no magic pill. And there definitely is no stopping.

235- Squats and Ribs

2012-01-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

Two of my favorite things. Today we tried yet again for our 30 rep max back squat. Walking into the gym I was still wrecked from Monday and Tuesday, so I was wondering if I should attempt to go heavier than the last time I tried. Of course I did, and I got a new PR for my 30 rep max back squat- 125#.

It took everything I had to do the last 5, I could feel every muscle in my body fighting under the bar to stand up. I'm glad I went heavier, and I'm glad I did the WOD, because afterwards, all my soreness vanished, and I felt great.

I returned to work feeling good, and replenished my depleted glycogen stores with delicious ribs saved from yesterday's catered lunch! My idea of a perfect day!

236- No Excuses

2012-01-25T18:45:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up SORE. I checked the workout of the day, and was super excited to see 10 rounds of 30 seconds American KB swings, 30 seconds rest. Just the workout I needed to work out my soreness. I love KB swings, and this workout was nothing but KB swings!

At 11:08am I was called into a surprise conference call. It let out after noon, and there was no way I could make it to class on time. But, there was fully catered BBQ lunch (my favorite) that I got to take advantage of. Part of me was ok with skipping the gym because my soreness only continued to worsen, maybe I could use a break? Other parts of me were sad because I was really excited to do that workout. Then it dawned on me, I have all the equipment I need to do the workout at home!

That's exactly what I did. I enlisted the bf deluxe to turn on some loud music and tell me when to swing and when to rest. It was awesome. So far the kettlebell is proving to be a good investment!

237- Star Jumps

2012-01-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

This morning I was feeling yesterday's ground to overhead (clean and press) moves at 95#. When I looked up the workout of the day, I was less then thrilled to see a 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 thruster workout. I did think that doing 55 thrusters at 65# did seem manageable, but there were two other elements of the workout as well, star jumps (feet together, crouch down and bring your arms in front of you, and then jump up moving your arms and legs out forming a "star" in the air) and seated Russian twists (v-sit and tap weight on each side of you). So basically, you start by performing one of each movement, then 2, then 3, so on and so forth until 10.

I got to the gym a little early since I now change out of my work clothes at the gym due to someone in my office complaining to my boss about me changing at the office. WTH? Anyway, I noticed trainer was doing the workout before class started. The clock said 20:38 and a few minutes later, she collapsed on the floor. I should have guessed something was up with a workout titled "the pain train." I looked to the big white board and saw two terrifying things 1) 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 and back down (WHAT!?) and 2) 30 minute cut off (again, WHAT!?). Oh man, its one thing going up a ladder, but coming back down is sooo rough. Instead of 55 of everything, we were doing 100. I immediately told myself I was not going to time out, and instead I was going to finish around 27 minutes. Trainer finished around 24 minutes or so, and she is ridiculously fit, even just having come out of hernia surgery, so I figure 27 minutes for me is fair.

We warmed up our overhead muscles with kettlebell swings and handstands, and I realized I really like doing handstands against walls. They felt solid and strong, and when I had good balance I tried to stay in a hold for as long as possible. One awesome handstand hold (probably would have been a PR) was ruined by my shirt flying up and landing on my face. Even though upside-down with hands outstretched overhead is probably the best my stomach could possibly look, I'm just not comfortable with all that white flesh being exposed for the gym. Maybe one day, but today was not the day.

Into the workout we went, and I was super shocked when I got to my round of 5 to see the clock say 3 minutes something. That was the moment I knew that I would be finishing the workout, and had a really good shot at finishing it at my 27 minute goal. Round 5 must have been the magical tipping point, because 6-7-8-9-10-9-8-7 all SUCKED. I was spent. The Russian twists were killing me, my jumps were not even close to stars, but my thrusters still felt strong, even though I didn't perform the 9-10-9-8 rounds unbroken. I just kept going. I was oddly motivated by the steam rising off the bald head of the guy across from me. I finished in 26:15 and was very happy with that.

100 star jumps today, 72 yesterday, I won't be surprised if the workout for tomorrow is 200 star jumps! Good thing no one that creates the workouts reads this, or my suggestion might be taken seriously.

238- Snowmaggedon, Denver, Exhale

2012-01-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

Pretty much immediately after my post last week, snowmaggedon hit Seattle. Unfortunately, I missed the majority of the excitement due to a business trip to Denver. Between the snow and preparations for the presentation I had to give at a meeting in front of my grand-boss (my boss' boss) and great-grand boss (boss' boss' boss) I had no time to spend here updating you.

Denver was awesome. I arrived late on Wednesday (my flight was delayed out of Seattle) and had a meeting all day Thursday. My presentation went well. I happy that it is getting easier for me to speak in front of intimidating groups, and I believe feeling better about my body has a lot to do with that. A few observations I made during/at the meeting: 1) sitting all day hurts my tailbone- funny I never noticed that before when I did actually sit all day, 2) the people that ate muffins and pastries at breakfast were practically chewing their hands off by lunch time- blood sugar spikes anyone?

After my meeting, I was "free" to explore the city as my mom flew out to meet me, and we were staying until Sunday. The weather in Denver was superb! 60's and sunny the whole time. I didn't even need a jacket! I had a headache the entire time I was there that I just couldn't shake, no matter how much water I drank, and then I remembered that it was the mile high city.

My eating during the trip was the best it could have been, and when I weighed myself this am, I was 2.5 pounds less then I was before I went. It was funny watching my mom eat oatmeal with sides of toast for breakfast, and complain about her "vacation bloat" while I was eating bacon and avocado omlettes and feeling great.

I have been coffee free now for two full weeks, and I'm feeling fine! I start drinking water sooner, and drink more throughout the day. I plan on keeping this up indefinitely, but I'm sure eventually it will find its way back to my morning because I live in Seattle, and I like it.

Today was my first day back at crossfit in nearly a week, and I felt it. I did however perform 18 ground to overheads at 95 pounds, 36 weighted sit-ups, 54 weighted back extensions, and 72 star jumps. Eventually I was glad I went. Just not right away.

Things are calming down now, so back to the regular program. Pheeeewwww.

245- My Day in Photos

2012-01-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Snow!

It kinda sucks that today is one of those holidays that everyone else gets except me, but also it means the roads are even more clear.

What goes better with snow than bacon? NOTHING.

Idea courtesy of NomNom Paleo.

246- Mid-month Update

2012-01-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

January 15th, already? This is going to be another one of those years that flies by, isn't it? Tomorrow will be March, and then next week will be June, and in a month it will be Thanksgiving!

So after my December hiccup, things have been going much better. I challenged myself this month to try and drink a gallon of water each day, and after spending the first week thinking my organs were going to need life vests, and being awoken in the middle of the night by my bladder, I think my body has finally adjusted. Even on the days I don't quite make it to a full gallon, I'm still getting 80-90oz of water (you can see I started adding my water info in with my food/exercise log). I would say that prior to this self-challenge, my water intake was around 40-50oz. Huge difference.

Last week, without really any prior thought (as in I woke up on Monday and decided), I decided to see if I could go a week without coffee. Today is day 7 without coffee, and I've finally adjusted to that. I can't remember the last time I didn't have a cup of coffee within a few hours of waking up. Its kind of nice not having to drink coffee first thing to get my day going. Also, my water intake starts sooner, and therefore I am drinking more by the end of the day. I think I'm going to extend this past a week- I tried drinking some green tea for the first time ever this morning, and might be able to get used to it, I got used to coffee after all!

This past week was also exciting for me at the gym, as I hit a new Deadlift PR. 235 pounds. When I first started crossfit a little over a year ago, my max deadlift was 185 pounds, the same as my max back squat. This was puzzling to my trainer, because normally people can deadlift about 15% more than their max back squat. Not sure what was up with me, perhaps underdeveloped hamstrings and back? The next time I attempted a max deadlift was maybe 6-8 months ago? I hit 205. I was pretty happy with that because it was my first lift over 200#. My back squat was at 195#, so I was beginning to deadlift more than my back squat. Then on Tuesday, to hit 235, it was awesome. Not sure what my max back squat is now, but I'd be excited if it was 200 or 205. Ultimately, I'd love to have a back squat around 250#, and a deadlift of 300#, but that will take some serious work. Also, as I (hopefully) lose weight, pulling those kinds of numbers will be a even great feat.

On a sort of related note, I went shopping yesterday because I was near the mall, and it was snowing. Snow in Seattle is chaos because everyone just abandons their cars everywhere and crashes into ditches. I wanted to try and avoid some of that, so I ducked into the mall for a few hours. I tried on a pair of colored skinny jeans, in the size that I thought I am, and I was swimming in them. Never thought I'd be swimming in skinny jeans. They were too expensive, so I didn't even bother trying on the smaller size. I went into old faithful (The GAP) and found tons of deals! I grabbed two pairs of pants in the smaller size I should have chosen for the colored skinny jeans, and both fit- like, really fit, and not just me putting on sausage casing. Before I get too excited, I'm convinced The GAP has changed the size of all their clothes, so that this smaller size is really the larger one I was thinking that I am. Stupid vanity sizing! Anyway, I can get pissed about vanity sizing, but I'm not pissed about scoring a pair of jeans, a pair of black dress/work pants, and a sparkly cardigan for $50!!

Here's to another two weeks of eating real food, drinking a gallon (or damn near close) a day, no coffee, and lifting heavy things!

247- Practicing What I Preach

2012-01-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever started up a conversation with someone wearing a Harvard sweatshirt about the town Cambridge, MA, only to find out they didn't actually go to Harvard and were just wearing the sweatshirt? I suppose you could replace "Harvard" with any band, location, or statement, maybe its only me, but it bothers me when people make statements with their clothing and they don't even stand behind it. End rant.

So last week, I was getting ready to head out for my lunch time gym class, and I smelled catered lunch at work. I changed into my gym clothes, and then made myself a plate of food to hide in my cube and eat when I got back from the gym, since by the time I returned from the gym, the vultures would've devoured all hot food from the schaffers.

I got back to my cubicle set my plate down, and realized something incredibly cool and unplanned had occurred:

Yeah, funny. And I don't own a Harvard sweatshirt, but I do own an Oregon one. :)

249- Week of PR's

2012-01-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our workout was to establish our 5 rep max for deadlifts, meaning the maximum amount we could deadlift 5 times without stopping except briefly at the bottom of the lift to touch the weights to the floor. A few months back, we established our 3 rep max for the deadlift, and I did 205#. I was hoping to match that for 5 reps today, but the bar was feeling extra heavy. I started out with 3 reps at 135#, 155#, 175#, then when I picked up 195#, I just decided to go for my 5 then, and at the end, I knew that was my 5 rep max. I went through this routine pretty quickly, and while some new folks to the gym were getting coached on technique, I decided to see what my 1 rep max is. I haven't tried for that in months. I knew if I did a 3 rep max of 205, that I could do 215#.  I was feeling bold and loaded on 225#. Did it. Then I put on 10 more pounds for 235#. Nailed it. I stopped there, satisfied with a new PR.

Today, our workout was identical to last Thursday's workout- mini leg blaster (400m run, followed by 3 rounds of: 10 squats, 10 walking lunges, 10 jumping lunges, 10 jump squats) then try and find our 30 rep max back squat.

Huh? I said the same thing last week when I walked into the gym. 30 rep max backsquat? Ridiculous. Last week, I was paired up with a very fit girl that snorts when she laughs. It used to bother me, but now it cracks me up. This girl is nuts, she teaches boot camp classes, (like I said, she's fit) and then comes and does WOD's with us, and smokes us all. One thing that is annoying is that she never chooses to do as much weight as she can. Anytime we are given the option to pick a lighter weight, she does.  I was determined to make her 30 rep backsquats reflect her ablitity! So we were warming up, and she tries to say 65# is all she can do. I talk her into trying 75#, and then finally, 85#- which she nailed 30 reps almost effortlessly. Then it was my turn. I saw some ladies from the morning had hit 95#, but I wanted to do more. So I did 105#. The last 10 reps were tough, but I got through it.

Now today, I was paired up with one of my buddies who started attending the gym at roughly the same time I did. Come to find out we know a lot of people in common because his family business used to be the #1 competitor of a former company I worked for, and his business is one of the main suppliers of products to the bf deluxes restaurant. The world is a small place. He and I gossip like school girls before workouts because the food/restaurant industry is fun to gossip about.  Anyway, we were both at class last week when we did this, but he was paired with a new guy, and ended up doing his 30 reps at 65#. He and I both knew he can do more. I told him my 30 rep was at 105#, and he decided to try for that. We warmed up to 105#, and then he did his 30 reps. I decided to try for more, and loaded another 10# on, for 115#. It was tough, but I did it. 30 reps at 115#.  Another PR.

251- Wind Under Me

2012-01-10T17:49:00.001-08:00

Laptop is fixed, just need to get decent spyware software. Still blogging from iphone, still have a bunch of things I want to post from the past week, but, BUT something happened today that was worthy of sharing. Today was a workout that I have never seen at a CrossFit before. I mean, it makes sense, but I've just never been present for it. I walked into the gym and saw: Run 3 miles.

Ok. I could do this. I've been on exactly 2 runs since spraining the fuck out of my ankle. Both were fine. As we began the warm-up it became quickly apparent how sore I was from yesterday's workout. Let's take a few sentences to go over yesterday...we did Death by Thrusters. I think I've explained the "death by" format before, the clock starts, and you have 1 minute to perform 1 of whatever movement (in this case 65# thrusters). You can choose to perform the movement right away, and then have the remaining time to rest, or you can wait till the last 10 seconds of the minute and perform the movement. Just as long as on minute 1, you do 1. Minute 2, you do 2, etc, etc. Get it? Its pretty boring until about minute 5, your rest time shrinks drastically, you begin to slow down, and by minute 9 in my case, I was done. But we weren't done yet. We got a 2 minute rest, and then had to work backwards from our highest completed round in the same format. So, after my rest I had one minute to do 9 thrusters, and go back down to 1. I tallied it up at the end, and I did 90 thrusters in 18 minutes. Jesus.

Alright, back to today and me noticing my soreness. I swear when I woke up, I felt fine. Now that I'm in the gym I'm instantly all-over sore? Even more reason a nice 3 mile run would be good for me. I learn the route, strap on my shoes, and head out. The first mile SUCKED. I couldn't get into a rhythm, and just felt slow, although I wasn't the last one. There was one guy behind me.

Mile 2, felt better lungs wise, but my crazy sore quads were so heavy, it felt like I had weights strapped to my legs. I didn't wear the best pants, and they kept slipping down my belly, forcing me to have to pull them up every 2 seconds. Partway into mile 2, guy behind me passed me, but I kept right on him. WTH? I thought I was keeping a pretty even pace my ankle started out with a dull pain, but now I wasn't feeling anything- that can't be good. He hit a stoplight and I caught up immediately. I realized that this should be the end for me, I didn't want to push my ankle any farther. As we are waiting for the light to change, he says to me "do you run, like as one of your outside of CrossFit activities?" I was like, "um, I haven't been, I sprained my ankle 6 months ago, and haven't fully gotten back to it." He's says "well, you have the wind under you, keep it up!"

I was confused. I mean, he and I were fighting it out for LAST, and he tells me that I'm doing really good? Maybe he meant I'm doing good for someone as large as me. Or maybe he wanted to make his ego feel better? Or maybe he was just being real, and I'm a bitch that can't take a compliment. Hmmm. I'll think about that for awhile.

Anyway, I headed back to the gym after mile 2, fearing I was at a 12 minute mile pace and didnt want to be running all night, and he kept going. My time upon returning was 20 minutes, meaning that I was probably at a sub-10 minute mile. Right back to where I was before ankle. I think I'm going to start running more again.

Technical difficulties

2012-01-07T14:44:00.001-08:00

Having some issues with the laptop. They are being resolved soon. Don't worry, I'm still on track and have a plethora of posts lined up. Stay tuned.

258- New Year Re-resolutions

2012-01-03T13:54:00.000-08:00

I've never been into New Year's Resolutions. I guess because if I notice something about my behavior that I don't like, I resolve to fix it, whether its the middle of the week, middle of the month, or middle of the year. Doesn't everyone do that? I mean, if I felt lazy and out of shape March 11th, I'd resolve to start running or whatever and possibly start March 12th. Usually I'd be good for a few weeks and then slowly peter out, only to make the same resolution again in August. I suppose resolutions at the new year are just meant to be goals or things to work on, and who doesn't love the idea of a clean slate like the day 1/1 implies?!

As I put on my gym clothes today and was about to head out to my first workout of the new year, it dawned on me how lucky I am. I'm in a pretty good groove right now. I'm happy with my eating style, I'm happy with my workouts, and I've been steadily (sloowwwly) getting smaller since August. My mood is almost always good, I like my job, my home, my friends, my family, my life. I'm not starting from a resolution, I've been at this for months! To honor that, I'm making a list of all the things I currently do that might be viewed as resolutions, but since I already do them, they are re-resolutions?

1) Eat clean- doing it!
2) Regularly attend a gym- Yup!
3) Drink more water- you betcha (and aiming for a gallon a day)!
4) Take supplements (fish oil, vitamin D for me)- yes
5) Pick specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound goals- this one is relatively new to me, but trying!
6) Lift weights- duh
7) Be less sedentary- standing desk!

A sense of relief swept over me as I headed out. I can't explain it, for the first time in years I didn't feel any pressure to "make this year the best" because I know I'm already well on my way to making that happen. Many many years of mine have passed with the best intentions for the new year. I've never been good at sticking to what I tell myself I want to do, maybe because before I always picked things that were too hard, or unsustainable? Looking back to how I got here today, to this feeling of relief, I see that I didn't do everything all at once. I also stumbled some, but made sure to get right back at it. Now making tweaks to my routine is easy. For example: trying to drink a gallon of water a day. I've already cut out soda and juices, and have been drinking water only as my beverage of choice, and adding a few more glasses per day won't be daunting like when I was 19 and FIRST STARTED DRINKING WATER. Yeah. Years of learning I tell ya!

259- Paleo Waffle Review

2012-01-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day off four days off work. It has been fantastically relaxing, I've managed to get so much done around the house, and actually feel ready to go back to work tomorrow! In honor of my final day home, I decided to search out something exciting and different to make for breakfast. I really thought waffles sounded good, but doubted my ability to find some sort of grain-free, added sugar-free recipe.

Enter reason 1,327 of why I love the internet. After about a half-second search, I found this beauty on Marks Daily Apple:

Primal Blueprint Recipe: Coconut Pancakes/Waffles from Adam Kayce on Vimeo.

Normally, when I go searching for a recipe and click on the one that looks most appealing, and I get a 'video' of how its done, I get super annoyed and click back. Since this was a post on MDA, I felt that was a pretty good reference, so I watched. This guy was actually mildly amusing. He really had me at "entire can of coconut milk." And he's not lying. These are for people that love coconut. If coconut is not your thing, sorry, and ha ha, you are MISSING OUT.

If you don't want to watch the video, just fast forward to the last 10 seconds, the recipe is posted. The instructions are simple- mix everything together. I omitted the cinnamon. Also, they need longer cooking time then regular pancakes/ waffles. One thing I also learned is that they don't expand like traditional waffle recipes, so make sure you fill each square with batter- a lot of the batter is liquid, which evaporates (contributing to the non-expansion), and you are left with a rich, crispy treat.

It tasted so good, I almost forgot to take a pic. I topped with grass-fed butter and sugarless preserves. This is definitely not an every-weekend type of thing, once a month maybe? They are very rich, suitable for a guilt free special occasion treat! This recipe makes quite a bit of batter, so I might try the batter out as pancakes tomorrow.

260-Janurary 1st Progress Update

2012-01-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I woke up this morning (without a hangover!) excited to watch the Rosebowl Parade and my Ducks play. Then I learned that is tomorrow because the Rosebowl takes Sunday off. WTF?

Enough of that. Let's get to the fun stuff, huh? For those of you that have been reading for awhile, you know that December ended up being a tough month for me and I stumbled a little. Looking back at my December 1st update, I KNEW it was going to be a tough month. Here were my goals for the month of December:

Goals for December:

Continue eating a paleo diet

Continue to work on kipping swings at gym/increasing my dead hang hold time

Take fish oil and vitamin D daily

More vegetables

Formulate a good plan for all occasions coming up this month- Christmas party, Las Vegas, etc.

take a picture of myself today in a new outfit

perform as many push-ups as I can in a row (on my toes).

Here are my pictures from December:

And here are my January pictures taken this morning:

I don't see that much difference. Which is to be expected. My side picture looks like my butt got bigger (it could just be the light), which I'm totally fine with- I keep having to explain to my mom that big butts are "in" right now.

I'm about 0.5 pounds heavier on January 1st then I was on December 1st, but over the month I have lost 3 inches from my body.

For the month of December:

Progress Report:

Recent lifts/workout feats that come to mind-

Back Extension hold- 1:40
Plank hold- 2:10
Box jumps- back on the 20" box!

Sleep- getting plenty and still waking up before my alarm most days

Standing all day at work

Water consumption- fair

Supplements- really focused on vitamin D this month, and hope to continue that

How did I do on my mini-goals? Fair I'd say. The month started out well, and then just kinda fell off a cliff. December challenge buddy had a lot going on, so I think we only managed 2 updates. I was much better this month about taking supplements, I really think vitamin D is key here in NW winters.

Oh, I did do my push-ups this morning, and on December 1st, I did 17 uninterrupted push-ups on my toes. Today, I did 20.

Goals for January:

Focus on getting back to a clean paleo diet- too many things have been slowly creeping back in (dark chocolate, nuts, corn chips, etc.)
Drink 1 gallon of water/day
Weekend at home kettlebell workouts with the new toy
Continue with Fish oil/vitamin D supplements

Ready, set, GO! Here's to another great year filled with love, laughter, fitness, good food, family, friends, and success!

261- Old

2011-12-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

I think I'm officially old. I no longer care about trying to have plans for NYE. For as long as I can remember, it was imperative that I did something SUPER fun on this night. Of course, with all that pressure, the night never ended up being as fun as I expected it to be, and was always a let down.

This year, I didn't even bother to try and rack my brain thinking of the ULTIMATE NYE night. I laughed when I heard others struggling with plans, you know, cause it HAS to be epic. I already know how the night would go. A whole lot of build-up for nothing. Sure there would be drinking and laughing and champagne and those party popper things. There would be a countdown and sparkly clothes and aching feet and kisses and crappy party food. There would also be zero taxi's, that one annoying drunk chic puking and/or crying, tons of cops out, and all that internal build up for just another night with confetti.

Actually, as I type this, I don't even know what I'll be doing tonight. There are 2 potential house parties to attend, but really, I think I'd be fine just staying in drinking the bottle of prosecco with the bf deluxe and watching Netflix. See? Old.

262- Holy Hard Workout

2011-12-30T18:39:00.000-08:00

Each of the three main trainers at the gym take turns coming up with the workouts for a month. Each trainer has different styles and tends to favor different things. It keeps things interesting for sure. Yesterday wrapped up hot cop trainer's month, and holy crap, it was a serious ass-kicker. I should have known when I checked the website for the WOD, and it was titled "turn and cough."

The whole month we had sort of been following a format of: sizeable warm-up, short intense WOD involving weights, and then some sort of mobility move. I really love the short intense workouts. Yesterday was different. Instead of a sizeable warm-up, we headed to the back extension machines to find out two things: our max hold, and our max reps (after doing the hold). We did this once before, and I remember not being so good at it. I decided to really push myself and see what I could do. I was determined not to drop off the back extension machine first. I succeeded in that, but was second. I held for 1:40. The girl that lost 130 pounds in the last 2 years held for 3 minutes. Apparently, after you lose 130 pounds, you can do anything. My back was really feeling it, then it was time for max back extensions unbroken. I made it to 27. I think these were both better performances then last time we did this, but plenty of room for improvement exists. My back was on fire.

As hot cop trainer was explaining the WOD, I began to get worried. He started out by saying this "should" take us 22 minutes, but he's cutting us off at 25. These types of WOD's never go good for me. I decided to go with a light weight. So I thought. The workout was:

5 Rounds - 15 Reps - Never Drop the Bar

Upright Row
Dead Lifts
Bent Row
SDLHP- single leg deadlift high pull
Squat Thrusts
Military Press
Front Squats

One round is performing each of the listed items 15 times before moving onto the next, and not letting go of the bar until you are done with the whole sequence (or at all preferably). I decided to go with a 35# bar. The first round felt so sluggish, I looked at the clock and realized I was never going to make 22 minutes, or 25. It was then I realized I had been using a 45# bar. They look so damn similar! Anyway, once I picked up the 35# things went a lot better, but I was still dripping sweat, everything from my hamstrings to my lower back was on fire, and at times I was questioning whether or not I was going to give in. Somewhere, somehow I found a pace and just keep working. I hit the end of my fourth round right at 22 minutes. I made it through 3 squat thrusts by the 25 minute cut off. I think if I hadn't done 45# my first round, I might have made it through the whole thing. The really exciting thing? I can do this whole workout anytime I want at my house with my new kettlebell! Yay! I'm not saying that I'm going to, I'm just saying I could...

263- Present to Myself

2011-12-29T13:33:00.000-08:00

Ta-Da! Isn't it the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen? This is item #1 in what will hopefully one day be a fairly well rounded home gym. I decided to start my collection with a kettlebell because this smaller-than-a-bowling-ball item packs a lot of punch for being a single item. I know, I know, the first time I saw one, I was like, ok, so you swing it around. Cool. Clearly my imagination sucked.

NOW I'm much more educated and I realize this single piece of equipment is so versatile, its nuts. With this thing, I plan on using it for:
Kettlebell swings (American and Russian)
one-armed snatches
Goblet squats
Turkish get-ups
One armed overhead squats
Thursters
Presses
practicing my pistols
hand to hand swings
single leg dead lifts
bent over rows
weighted sit-ups
holding it during box jumps
whatever else I can think of or find on the internet for ideas...

While showing off some of my fancy kettlebell moves for the bf deluxe this morning, he looks at me and says "try not to kill any of the pets, ok?" HAHHHAHAHAHA. Silly bf deluxe.

264- Two Years Later

2011-12-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my blog! Today, she turns two. I have now officially lasted longer then 90% of bloggers that start sometime around the end of the holidays/New Year. I remember two years ago I was determined to not be so cliche as to start on January 1st, I was READY to lose weight!  I refused to be a statistic, and so starting that day, December 28, 2009 it became this.

Much like a real life, this blog has taken many twists and turns. Each turn is a representation of what I know at the moment, what I have learned about my body, and how I want to proceed with that information. Sheesh, if you had told me two years ago that I would still be here today, with stuff to say, I would have laughed in your face. I mean, I know I talk a lot, but two years worth of me hammering out little details of my life pertaining to what I eat and how I move...how could I possibly say anything that hasn't been said before?

I can't, nor do I want to. I'm happy to report the one thing about this blog that hasn't changed in the last two years: this is for me, my experiments, my beliefs, and most importantly, I don't write for any audience I may or may not have.

I'm also happy to report quite possibly the largest change this blog has undergone: initially I was focused on losing a set number of pounds, thinking that would get me to looking how I "want" to look. NOW I'm focused on building a healthy body (from the inside out) and looking good as a side effect.

My methods are ridiculously simple. I've been working on fixing (really fixing) what is broken- my insulin response and metabolic rate. Years of being overweight, addicted to simple carbohydrates, and yo-yo dieting have wrecked havoc on my system, and I needed a re-set.  Two years of focusing on my body has got me here:

Whenever possible, I eat real foods only. Preferably, the simplest real foods I can get my hands on- meat, eggs (from my chickens), vegetables, fruit, and nuts. I eat these things on their own or endless various combinations, using things like olive oil, spices, fresh herbs, pasture butter, and occasionally cream to further their appeal to my tastebuds. Again, keeping it as simple as possible.

I workout 4-5 days a week, never doing the same thing twice. My workouts are short (rarely over 20 minutes), intense (push myself till I think I'm going to die), and typically involve me lifting some sort of heavy weight (this includes myself at times).

I try to get 9 or more hours of sleep per night, and usually succeed.

My goals focus around being able to do things with my body, rather then getting to a certain weight or pants size. I'm still after that elusive pull-up, and gdmit, this WILL be the year I do one (preferably, many, in a row).

So whether you've been with me for the past two years, or you just stumbled in for a quick peek, hello, and thanks. This outlet has proven to be tremendously helpful for me. I've found similarities with folks I've never met, received kind comments from people that stop by regularly, and I've created a two year history for myself to go back and sort through, ensuring I keep the good habits going, and the bad history from repeating itself too often.

265- Poisoned

2011-12-27T13:19:00.001-08:00

THE REALITY
My nose is stuffed up, my eyes are watering continuously. I feel like I'm in a sort of half-reality fog. The kind of half-reality where I can talk myself into or justify eating almost anything. I'm not myself and I know it. For a long time, I thought this was myself, but now I know better. Yes friends, after over 120 days of being solid, I ate items containing sugar, flour, and items that possibly contained ingredients I cannot pronounce. I drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol. I am hanging onto a familiar ledge. See, once I allow that stuff into my body, something in me changes.  Sugar is poison and it changes the way my body works and the way my brain thinks. It fools me into thinking I can handle it, and that I have everything under control, yet forces me to continue feeding sugar inside me.  If I'm not careful and catch it quick, soon I'll be eating anything and everything and gain 6-10 pounds.

THE EVENT(S)
I don't know that I can point to a single event that forced me to put the brakes on and come here to let you all know that I need to start over. Last week, I remember a homemade cookie tray in our break room that I stole a few tastes of, candies (dark chocolate), alcohol (too much!), a tiny (less then 1") slice of cake eaten while intoxicated. Each of these events on their own could have been forgiven, but strung together in successive days? No way. For once, this re-set is not about the AMOUNT of the offending items consumed, but the WAY in which they were consumed. The feverish got-to-have-it-now-can't-resist feeling, making sure no one saw, the guilt, and the subsequent fantasies/cravings about what to eat next "since I'd already blown it"- these are not healthy ways to go about eating anything. I KNOW THIS.

THE CONSEQUENCES
The return of my allergies and feeling 'not like myself' are excellent motivators to hang on, practice what I know, and pull myself up over that ledge. I have the strength, I have the ability, and now I'm doing it. Besides, I know what happens if I let go now- I've done that plenty of times. I don't know what happens if I pull myself up, and that is what I really want to find out. I know I said that if I ingested grains/sugar/whatever that my year would start over. After making it 120+ days, I'm revisiting that. I thought about it long and hard, and decided to kick myself back to day 100. I'm essentially taking a Mulligan on the month of December. Before the cocktail party, before Vegas, before Christmas. I think this is absolutely fair, I EARNED those first 100 days.  For the ultimate reality check, I stepped on the scale to see what my effect my "bender" had. According to the scale? Absolutely none. But I know better- I know that trick and I'm not falling for it.

THE REFLECTIONS
I so desperately wanted to make it through a December where I abstained from cookies/desserts/candies and the like. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I'm not going to sit here and make myself crazy trying to pinpoint events that could have contributed to this deviant behavior, rather I'm just going to take my penalty and move on with even more conviction then before. Let's just chalk it up to the Holidays being a tough time. Even if I think I'm immune to the crazy and the emotions, apparently, I'm not. I'm human. And really, when I think about it? 120 days is a DAMN good stretch, um 1/3 of one year! I will be over the moon excited if I can make it another 120 days, but if I don't, you'll be the first to hear about it.

THE PLAN
I've got a challenge buddy lined up for January (Tammy? You still in?) and I'm taking these next few days before we begin to really jumpstart my feeling good. Yesterday I ate no offending items. Today is much of the same with some gym sprinkled in. I imagine I will start to feel better later today and definitely by tomorrow. I made my breakfast for the rest of the week with the tasty Omega-3 rich eggs from the ladies out back, I'll be lifting some heavy things at lunch time, and I will be staying far, far away from sugar and crap that makes me feel like ick.

245- Eventually I'll Get There

2011-12-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

This year I was very conflicted about making my usual cookie offering and shipping it to the East Coast relatives. I had all these wild ideas about making those mason jars of gluten free cookie mixes with instructions, or honey caramels, or homemade Larabars wrapped up in wax paper like little candies. I no longer keep flour, sugar, brown sugar, or any of the other standard baking items on hand. It took me quite awhile to rid my cabinets of it, and just when it was all gone, I had to go out and restock because I simply didn't have the time or energy to do something new.

I had to go with what I know. For 30 or so years, I know Christmas baking. Gingerbread, fudge, macaroons, shortbread, sugar cookies, and the like. Its important to have as many different textures and flavors as possible, you know, for variety.

Eventually I want to get to a place where I don't cave in to what I know. I want to make better treats, and feel good giving them out. I don't care if anyone eats them or not, I will feel better knowing that I didn't contribute to someone's holiday weight gain.

246- Feeling Strong

2011-12-20T21:13:00.000-08:00

Today's workout felt like childs play. I felt solid through the whole thing. It wasn't so much a cardio intense workout, or a strength killer, but technical, and I rocked it. All aspects of it.

We started out by warming up with Turkish Get-ups. A highly technical move that requires using lots of stabilizing muscles, and focus. They aren't hard because there is no way to do these with more weight then you can handle. Last week we did these and I was using a 10# medicine ball because everything was so shaky. Today, I was using a 25# kettlebell no problem. It was like night and day from last week.

Next, we did our timed WOD- 6 rounds of: 6 one arm/one leg Romainian deadlifts (on each side)- again, not a hard move, but very technical balancing on one leg, bending while pushing your non-standing leg out, picking up the kettlebell, and returning to standing all on ONE leg. I felt these in every muscle of my core, back, and glutes. The farther you can kick up your non-standing leg, the better (harder) and as the workout progressed, I focused on pushing that leg higher and higher. I lost my balance a few times, but really made sure I was keeping perfect form. 6 toes to bar- remember waaaaaay back when this was a move that I wanted to be able to master, and I could barely get my feet 2 inches off the floor? Well, I can now do toes to bar. I did all 36 of them for this workout, and they were all legitimate. 6 praying mantis- this is a mobility move, and is similar to a superman, but you start with your hands behind your back (like handcuffs) and while your chest and quads are off the ground (on your stomach) you move your hands to in front of you, touch them, and move them back before relaxing. I finished 2nd out of the group of 8. All 3 girls finished 1, 2, 3, so I'm thinking the technical stuff must've been easier for the ladies. The whole thing (six rounds of 6 of each movement) took me 12:10. Perfect.

When we were done with the WOD, we did a max plank hold for time (on elbows). The last time I did this, I think I lasted 1:40 or so, I really wanted to make it to 2 minutes. I held for 2:10. It was pretty much effortless except for the last 10 seconds. Awesome. Like I said, feeling strong!

251-247- Vegas and Stuff

2011-12-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 19, 2011- Day 247

Baking extravaganza for the relatives back east. No time to post anything. I promise a post soon regarding how I feel about baking foods laden with white flour and sugar. Prior to Paleo, this was an inexpensive way to gift things to people, but now since I don't keep any of the major baking ingredients in my home, I had to go out and buy it all. And there is no way all of it is getting used up. Annoying.

Sunday, December 18, 2011- Day 246

Back from Vegas. Tired, dehydrated, smell like casino, 'nuff said. Oh, and not that it matters, but we had a scale in our bathroom at the hotel room, and I decided to weigh myself every morning. I don't have a scale at home, and use my Wii to occasionally check in. I mentioned the other day I hit a new low weight. I decided to step on the scale Friday morning in Vegas to see what the foreign scale said, because have you ever owned an asshole scale at home that flat out LIED to you? I used to have one that was 20 pounds off. And not in the good way. I went to the Dr's office one year and couldn't believe they recorded my weight as 20 pounds higher then what I thought I weighed! The scale in our hotel room read the exact same number as the Wii. I weighed myself on Saturday morning and I was down 0.5 pounds. I weighed myself Sunday morning after super salty dinner and 2 glasses wine. I was back up to Friday mornings weight. I find it remarkable that I can travel to a place like Las Vegas, eat absolutely no foods that I prepared myself (salty, unknown ingredients), drink alcohol, and NOT GAIN A SINGLE POUND. That is what regulating your insulin does. I'm pretty sure two years ago, I would have come back 5 pounds heavier (but according to my scale, only 15 pounds heavier, asshole scale). Like I said, it doesn't matter, but very interesting nonetheless.

Saturday, December 17, 2011- Day 245

Happy Birthday to my sister! She is the reason for this trip, and today we celebrated her birth with a fancy dinner at Bouchon.

Dinner was interesting. Our server was weird, bf deluxes food sucked, my meal was basically a salt lick, and it felt like they were rushing us out of there. The wine however, was superb (a birthday girl pick)! My mom started down the Paleo line of questioning, and luckily I had my Paleo/Primal brother in law there to back me up. I don't understand what her deal is. Well, I do and I don't. I think because I haven't lost like 1,000 pounds overnight, she thinks this is some sort of "phase" of mine. I don't think she believes that I have any sort of wheat/gluten intolerance, even though I've told her 1,000,000 times that my allergies disappeared. In fact, I don't think she ever believed I had allergies when I did have them, despite my constant sneezing. I think she has much mis-information engrained in her head, and is too old/stubborn to try and think of things in a new way. She thinks eating fat is bad. She thinks she can "work off" a meal. She thinks that losing weight is the end all-be-all of fitness/eating right. (She asked me if I am planning on losing more weight). Like that matters.

I'm tired of explaining the way I choose to eat and exercise to people that will never accept it and only want to stir the pot. I'm tired of being looked at like a fanatic when I answer their loaded questions, and all I am is constantly in disbelief of how great I feel ALL THE TIME. I know I'm still new at this, so it hasn't become "just who I am" yet. But, I assure you, it will.

Friday, December 16, 2011- 244

Our hotel:

Christmas card outtakes at the Bellagio Conservatory.

Thursday December 15, 2011- 245

VEGAS!

252- Vegas!

2011-12-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm off to Vegas. I've got a lot of things swimming through my head that will hopefully turn themselves into thoughtful posts some day soon. As for right now, I need to try on outfits, pack, and go to bed early since I'm headed into work super early because I'm leaving at 1pm. For Las Vegas, in case you forgot.

In the mean time, take a moment to read something that changed my life, and get this, it was originally published in 2002. 2002!!!!!! Where would I be today if I saw this in 2002? I can't even keep my sanity and ponder that thought.

http://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/07/magazine/what-if-it-s-all-been-a-big-fat-lie.html?pagewanted=all

253- Worth Watching

2011-12-13T19:17:00.000-08:00

254- Short and Sweet

2011-12-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

My workout today was 4 minutes. Three minutes and fifty-six seconds to be exact. Don't let that fool you though, it was a complete ass kicker. Especially since the warm-up we did could have been considered a workout on its own. After doing a variation of a barbell complex (65#) for a warm-up, we jumped into 4 rounds of: 4 barbell burpees, 4 squat jumps, and 4 head on wall fly's (an active rest mobility move). The barbell burpees meant performing a burpee on a barbell, then standing up with the bar, cleaning it, and then pressing it overhead. Squat jumps were just what they sound like- squat, and then jump up. I got that familiar stomach turning over feeling as I pushed myself to do the workout as fast as possible.

I'm slowly becoming a huge fan of the short workout. Gone are the days of hours and hours of cardio, and worrying that I'm not burning enough calories in my workout to make up for what I was eating. 1) You cannot out exercise a bad diet, and 2) intensity is paramount over workout length.

Further reading on this subject by someone who has already said it, and says it better then me:
http://primitivestimulus.com/2011/09/intensity/

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/09/02/friends-dont-let-friends-do-cardio/

255- Party Re-Cap

2011-12-11T16:27:00.000-08:00

My dad used to have a saying about hosting events (well, actually he used it to describe just about everything, but whatever): "Whole lot of work for too little pleasure." Luckily, I don't share his sentiments on social events. I like them, so they are usually worth the time I put into them. I also reach a point where I know I've done all I can do before the event and cut any losses so I'm actually able to enjoy myself. There is no point killing myself trying to make everything perfect and then being too exhausted to enjoy the fun part, the party.

I spent Friday evening baking desserts so we'd have nice assortment. The smells were amazing, and it really took all I had to not eat a fresh peanut butter cookie from the oven, and take a few licks of brownie batter. But I stayed strong. I woke up early on Saturday to run errands and begin preparing all the other eats. The bf deluxe handled his assignments in less then an hour, and headed off to work. I was left with cleaning, cooking, and setting everything up. Not to mention getting myself ready and 1,000 other little things that came up in between (cleaning the stovetop? really?). I kept thinking I was doing ok on time, but before I knew it, it was 5pm, I hadn't eaten a thing since 8am, I was still in my sweats, I hadn't done any house cleaning, and food was still being prepared.

Somehow, after a flurry of panic mode, I got it together and at least had my dress on when guests started arriving (but not my shoes!). Everyone was very complimentary of the spread, and I was free to begin enjoying myself. I consumed many drinks, but was able to stick to the meat/cheese/veggie/corn chip options. I made sure everyone knew I didn't want any leftovers hanging around, especially any desserts.

The night progressed in typical party fashion, there were drinking games, athletic competitions (wall sit among others), white elephant gift exchange, and general sillyness. It was a good time. Just like I hoped, all the food disappeared, and the remaining few goodies that were left the bf deluxe took to work.

I woke up very early this morning thanks to the cat turning on the alarm clock radio, and had a pretty good headache. I spent a few minutes cleaning up, chugged some water, and before I knew it I was feeling ok. Looking back over the evening, its pretty easy to see how consuming too much alcohol is not a good thing for me and my eating goals. It would have been very easy for me to talk myself into some desserts. Hangover days are notorious days for me to give myself a green light to eat whatever is easy and tasty. Today I'm using the hangover day as a day of repair, and making sure my choices are top notch so I can heal. I'm beginning to see now why I challenged myself to one year. Old habits die hard and the more distance I can put between myself and those old ways, the better.

256- Quick Update

2011-12-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

I'm in party preparation madness, but I just wanted to drop in and say I weighed myself this am and I have hit a new low! I'm seeing numbers on the scale I haven't seen for over 5 years.

257- Week 1 Update

2011-12-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

Week 1 of the December challenge is done! Last week was a crazy one for me, in fact this month is going to be nuts, so I'm just trying to stick to my routine on as many days as that is possible. I only made it to the gym one day last week, and did "home" workouts 2 other days. This week I'm really going to focus on being the best I can with Paleo eating and lifting heavy things, because next week I'm off to Vegas, however we are having a cocktail party here tomorrow night, so that will be interesting.

My plan for the cocktail party is to have foods made that are acceptable eats. I'm going to roast off a big pork shoulder for people to make sliders, make some cole slaw, and just have mine sans bun. No beer will be consumed (gluten) only red wine and hard alcohol with juice or sparkling water. There will be a lot of treats there, made by me, but lately I've been able to be around sweets and not have any desire to eat them, so I think I'll be ok.

Destiny hasn't provided me with her weekly update yet- she goes by her own schedule. I know she has been hitting the gym hard, so hopefully she'll share her food log with me and goal update soon so I can share with y'all.

258- This is New...

2011-12-08T20:46:00.001-08:00

Today was another long day on the road for work. I got to sleep in till 6:30a, and then we covered probably 400 miles driving to various sites checking things out. It was a gorgeous day, but still, sitting in a car all day really zaps the energy. I think yesterday caught up with me. Despite all the driving I got home earlier then I expected I would, and decided to return the dress I ordered online from Macy's back at the store, and shop for a new one, exhausted as I was.

I enlisted the bf deluxe to help. I knew it was not going to be a fun time for him, and hoped I could find something at Macy's because I didn't want to spend Friday night after work shopping around. It went against my better judgement to shop so tired, and I still have other things to do to get ready for the party, I have party food to make! So, we get to Macy's, and I start grabbing dresses of various sizes off the racks. I start trying things on, and all the smaller size dresses fit! I was in shock. There was nothing terrible about the experience at all. I brought 4 dresses into the room, every single one fit, and then I picked the one I liked the best. It is how shopping should be always.

Except, it was a totally new thing for me to be able to essentially pick anything off the rack and have it fit, and then like it. The whole time from entering the store to returning the online dress to getting my new dress took 20 minutes? Bf deluxe was super surprised and never had any chance to do any bored wandering around the store. Being smaller has so many more benefits.

259- Looooong Day

2011-12-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 3:30am so I could board a train at 5am headed from Vancouver, WA, to Bend OR. My co-worker and I got to the yard at 4:45, and quickly learned we were no longer headed to Bend. Our new destination was Pasco, WA. Ick. I was disappointed, but these are things I have no control over.

Long story short, we decided not to go all the way to Pasco, but instead get off at Maryhill (stop close to the winery/museum) and head back to Vancouver, WA in the crew van. We were supposed to arrive at Maryhill at 10:30am. We arrived at 6pm. Vancouver was a 2.5 hour drive. The only thing I ate from 3:30am till 9:30pm was an apple and some almond butter, a chunk of cheese, a few natural pepperoni slices, and 3 pieces dark chocolate. I drank plenty of water, and honestly, it was fine. I didn't want to kill anyone or chew my arm off. YAY PALEO FOR KEEPING MY BLOOD SUGAR EVEN!

We then proceeded to the closest restaurant (happened to be a German spot) and ate like predators. Ha! We checked into our hotel in at 11:30pm. A 20 hour day. I've never slept so good.

Here are some pics from my day (in reverse order)- as you can see, the views were well worth all the time delays. I love my job.

260- Dedication

2011-12-06T19:53:00.001-08:00

I'm traveling for work, and thought I'd have time to go to my normal gym class today, but we left earlier then expected, and shortly after, I found myself alone in a hotel room for 3 hours to pass until dinner. I decided to look on my favorite Internet workout site, BodyRock Tv, and see what sort of torture they had in store for the day. I love this site because it's free, everything you need you most likely have lying around, and just look at Zuzana, I mean, how could you NOT want to workout after seeing her?

Today's workout was a challenge, sumo squat step ups or some such. I watched the video demonstration, and then looking around my hotel room realized I had nothing to step up on. I went into the bathroom and noticed the tub was about perfect step up height. The bathroom was pretty narrow, and I had to watch my head on the shower curtain rod every time I stepped up, but I did it. I let the Snoop Dogg pandora station fill the room, and I performed 100 sumo squat step ups on each side as fast as I could, stopping on briefly when it was time to switch legs.

I hope my ass looks like hers tomorrow.

See the BodyRock workout I did HERE

261- Boo

2011-12-05T20:20:00.001-08:00

Dress is a no-go. Guess I'll be shopping on Friday night (the day before the party) after all.

Boo.

262- Closet Full of Clothes

2011-12-04T16:36:00.001-08:00

With the party coming up next Saturday, and then a trip to Vegas shortly after, I began to panic about outfits. I used both events as an excuse to justify buying a dress online on Cyber Monday. According to UPS tracking, the dress shows up tomorrow. I'm leaving on a trip for work Tuesday right after work, and won't return until late Thursday night. That means, if the dress doesn't work out, I only have Friday afternoon to shop for one. Finding an outfit to wear the day before an event has never been successful for me.

I needed a back-up plan in case the dress coming in the mail doesn't fit/look right/sucks (I love plans!). I went to my closet and began pulling out things that would be suitable for a formal cocktail party and a fancy dinner in Vegas. I tried pairing shits with skirts in combinations I hadn't tried before. I tried on clothes that haven't fit me in years. In the WAY back of my closet I found my prom dress from junior year in HIGH SCHOOL! Guess what? Everything fit including my prom dress from high school (I was not my thinnest ever in high school, but smaller then I am now). Some things were too big and I missed my window to wear them because they were previously too small, and now they hang off me. I found a suitable back-up for the party, but not for fancy dinner in Vegas. I found a few items to wear during the other nights in Vegas, some new things to add into the work week rotation, and I found a whole bunch of clothes that are going to Goodwill. I have time to shop still for something to wear to dinner in Vegas, but still, it would just be easier on everyone if that dress coming tomorrow works out!

Under these circumstances, I'm pretty happy that I held onto a lot of clothes over the years that didn't fit. However, I'm going to try and stop owning a closet 1/2 full of clothes that don't fit (either way, too big or too small). It is way easier for me to get rid of the things that are too big, so I've slowly started donating those. I'm on the verge of donating my largest jeans, but in the back of my head I keep thinking I should hang onto them "just in case." I haven't worn them in well over a month, but still its so hard as someone who has had a history of weight gains and losses to change old habits! Perhaps getting rid of all my large clothes would fall under the category of "doing something I have never done before" in order to "get something I have never had before." I don't know. Its just that yesterday I noticed there are so many things in my closet that fit, yet I continue to wear the same clothes over and over. Perhaps shrinking my closet will force me to choose the neglected items?

263- Holiday Explosion

2011-12-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

I spent the day getting the house ready for next Saturday's holiday party. We are hosting the party this year, and I'm so excited. I love decorating and sparkly stuff. I turned on the Pandora Christmas station and went to town.

We got our tree a few days ago, so that's all set up and ready to go:

This year, rather then spend a morning driving out to the forest to cut a tree down ourselves (a tree permit is only $10!) we decided to save our time, money, gas, and sanity and go to Home Depot. We found this perfect frasier fir for $30! Of course, our stand wasn't big enough, so after some Goodwill hunting (ha!) we found one for $5! Tip: after buying a tree stand at Goodwill for $5 do a quick test and fill it with water BEFORE setting up your tree. It may have a crack in it that needs to be epoxyed. Just sayin.' Also, another tip: test lights by plugging the strands in before putting on tree. Again, just sayin'

I'm not sure where I got the idea, but I decided to gift wrap the outsides of all our interior doors:

The stockings are hung:

I knitted these a few years back. Probably one of the best things I ever did.

Next up, I'm using some of the trimmings from the bottom of our tree to hang around this opening to the family room. I still need to find some mistletoe somewhere, and then I think we'll be set!

I had way too much fun doing this. The bf deluxe came home and was like, "holy crap, Christmas just threw up in here." HAHAHHAHAHA. Now I just hope we can be careful enough with the doors so they last without tears until the party!

264- Eat Like a Predator

2011-12-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon a great new Paleo/Primal blog the other day- THIS was the first post I read, and after that I was hooked. I began reading other posts, and soon after added this page to my feed reader.

A couple of days ago, I got the first new post since adding it to my reader, and wow, it was one that made me simueltaneously re-evaluate my current eating habits and wonder why I hadn't thought of this before. The concept is so simple, I've literally been beating my forehead with the palm of my hand since reading this one tag line: "Eat like a predator, not like prey."

Right? One of the major things I noticed my first go-round at Paleo and the few subsequent hard-core attempts after (including my current stretch) is that once my body adjusts to not getting its energy from carbohydrates (sugar) I can go for long periods of time without eating. A sentiment that was echoed by this blogger (and so many other Paleo/Primal folks). More so on weekends then during weekedays, I will forget to eat lunch. It'll be around 4 or 5 pm, and I'll think, wait a minute, I haven't eaten since breakfast...and I'm not chewing on my arm, on the verge of tears, or so incredibly angry. In fact, I can take food or leave it. I usually choose take, because, hey, somethings are just programmed into DNA, you know?

I know there is this huge dichotomy with "going Paleo" and living in the modern world. I mean, how far do you take the whole lifestyle? To some people, everything is black and white. When I explain that I'm attempting to replicate a diet of our pre-agriculture ancestors, these folks for will say for example, "ok, so you are going to cook all your meals over a fire pit and wear wooly mammoth skins?" Where as others simply see it as a fad diet with nothing but restrictions and say things like "oh, so this is like Atkins. You can eat all the sugar free jello and diet coke you want." Um, no, and NO.

For myself, without really realizing it, I slowly began taking on more and more "Paleo" traits, and continue to move farther away from modern situations. Perhaps that is why, at this point in time, the thought of eating like a predator and not like prey resonnates so deep with me. First off, I don't want to be prey. Ever. Never have, never will. I knew there was a reason why I never trusted vegetarians! Second, I don't necessarily want to be a predator, but if I have my choice of the two, I'd rather be eating then eaten. Lastly, this way of eating sort of just happened on its own, and I haven't thought of a way to describe it until now. Shortly after adapting a diet of meat, fat, vegetables, some fruit and nuts, the WAY that I ate changed as well. I was not eating 3-5 small meals a day (grazing like an antelope or rabbit), instead, I find myself eating one small meal in the morning, and then one large meal later in the day (shark). Substitute me standing at a desk for 8 hours as "the hunt" and you have me, a modern cavewoman. Complete with an iPhone 4Gs and GAP jeans.

I just find it incredibly interesting how things change- how resilient the body is when I stopped ingesting crap and started eating real food. Its like I hit the "reboot" button on my body, and the cobwebs are clearing out. My stomach lining and immune systems are repairing themselves from years of damage by gluten and lectins and as a result my allergies have disappeared, I have yet to get a cold. I eat less frequently. My body is shedding its inflammatory layers after years of damage by extra sugar, and broken insulin response. My skin is clear and I rarely need moisturizer. My elbows are never rough, I don't use chapstick. I'm getting stronger by lifting heavy things overhead, sprinting, jumping, pushing myself off the ground, and lots of walking. I got rid of my chair at work and stand. Whenever the sun is out (pretty rare here in the NW) I try to get outside to soak some up for 15 minutes or more. During these shorter winter days, I've been getting 9-10 hours of sleep a night. Some of these things are deliberate, others just happened because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

265- December 1st Update

2011-12-01T17:42:00.001-08:00

DAY 100!!! BOO-YAH. Like I mentioned a few days ago, I got a new phone and accidentally wiped all my recent phone photos from my old phone before I could transfer them to new phone. So, you'll just have to see me once again in the same outfit. Next month will be a new outfit, promise.

Some of you may have noticed I skipped over day 264, that's because I'm waiting for some info from Destiny (December challenge buddy) before I write a post introducing her and our challenge plans.

November 1 pics:

December 1 pics:

Its hard to tell, but the shirt is now hanging off me, and almost makes me look bigger. I can now wear it out in public.

Progress Report:

Recent lifts/workout feats that come to mind-

New push press PR- 115#

Back squat 3 rep max- 165# (not a PR, but good post ankle nonetheless)

Ran 3 miles

Sleep- getting plenty and still waking up before my alarm most days

Standing all day at work

Water consumption- good

Supplements- really focused on fish oil and vitamin D this month. I did well, and hope to continue taking both daily.

Goals for December:
Continue eating a paleo diet
Continue to work on kipping swings at gym/increasing my dead hang hold time
Take fish oil and vitamin D daily
More vegetables
Formulate a good plan for all occasions coming up this month- Christmas party, Las Vegas, etc.

In addition to taking a picture of myself today in a new outfit, I also performed as many push-ups as I could in a row (on my toes). I'll do the same again on January 1st, and see if there is any difference.

266- Introducing Destiny*

2011-11-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

Destiny is my December challenge buddy. Destiny is no stranger to the Paleo diet, and is a member of a crossfit gym. I met her a few months ago at my gym, she was just starting out and she reminded me a lot of myself. We bonded over things like our hatred of pull-ups and burpees- the things that are very difficult when you have a little too much of yourself to move around.

We attend separate gyms now, but thorough normal Facebook stalking, I read she was engaging in a 60 day Paleo challenge with her gym from November 1 to January 1 - to stay focused during the holidays. I knew she would be perfect to join me in December.

Destiny and I shared some ideas before beginning, and we agreed on a day each week to share our weekly food logs, set small goals to work on, and decided to do a "benchmark" workout at the beginning of the month and then again at the end of the month to see if there are any changes. Our plan looks something like this:
1) Take a photo in an outfit that is just a little too snug
2) Eat a paleo diet
3) Log food each day
4) Set 2-3 mini goals to work on this month
5) Perform as many push-ups as possible on Dec 1, again on Jan 1

I'll be back in a week for the first update!

267- Bitter No More

2011-11-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Wow. I feel great. I can't attribute my feeling to any one particular event, so maybe this is just my new normal? I feel like I'm on a constant endorphin high. I know I've written about this before, and I bet its even obnoxiously annoying for some people to read (people that are unhappy with their current situation). I know there was a time when I would be annoyed by someone always writing about how great they feel. I mean, COME ON, who feels like that? I would have thought. But really, that bitterness was just me being unhappy with my own situation. Not to mention this 365 days is an experiment on myself, so I feel its very important to give detailed accounts of my mood, physical abilities, changes observed, etc., etc.

Everything is much better on this side of things. I'm not always looking to tear others down. I'm not wishing people to fail. I'm not concerned with anyone else at all really. All I want to do is get through each day doing what I have found is right for me. I don't wish people do what I do, or follow what I believe, I just wish that anyone that is unhappy right now starts taking the steps they need to figure out what is right for them. When you find it, you'll know, and if you stick to it, you'll feel great ALL THE TIME.

I put on a pair of pants this morning that I got a little over a month ago, and they fit perfectly. They were cut slim, so when I first tried them on a few weeks ago, they were like a second skin. Today? They fit how they are supposed to fit. They buttoned with ease, no parts of me were spilling over, and instead of my body pushing on the fabric, the fabric was pushing on my body. Still a little self conscious, I asked the bf deluxe if they looked like sausage pants. "Your sausage days are over. The only thing that is there is a big ole hard butt." Satisfied with that answer, I wore them to work, and rocked them. I absolutely love that all the clothes in my closet I can just grab and put on and feel comfortable.

268- Say Grace

2011-11-28T18:38:00.000-08:00

Perhaps in honor of Thanksgiving time, new gym decided to put up "Grace" as the workout of the day. Grace is 30 clean and jerks for time- but these weren't Crossfit clean and jerks, these were Olympic clean and jerks- the kind where you do a full squat. I've never been lucky enough to partake in Grace, but I love oly lifts, so I was pretty excited about this workout. All I have to do is move weight from the ground to overhead 30 times? No running? No pull-ups? No burpees? Awesome!

Ok, well, whoever says that "lifting weights is not cardio" is full of crap. When I thought that or even said that out loud as recently as 2 years ago while doing bicep curls and quarter squats, I had no idea what I was talking about. That is also when I thought cardio was necessary for fat loss, and didn't wreck havoc on your body. HA! Little did I know. After performing 10 full squat clean and jerks as fast as I could muster, I thought I was going to die. Sweat was pouring off my brow, and my oxygen? Where had it gone? I still had 20 more of these beastly moves to do, and the clock was ticking fast. My stomach was turning, so I tried to settle into a rhythm of just getting them over with. I might as well have been doing 100 burpees, cause I felt the same.

Eight minutes to do 30 squat cleans at 75#? I never would have predicted that- I would have thought 5 minutes, maybe. I'm so glad I didn't go with the recommended weight of 95#, while I'm sure I could do it, I would have been there all night!

Example of a squat clean and jerk:

269- History Has Been Made

2011-11-27T17:28:00.000-08:00

In less than five days, I'll be 100 days into my one year challenge. 100 days! I stepped on the scale out of habit to see how much "damage" was done over Thanksgiving, and I weighed less than I did before Thanksgiving. I'm pretty sure that has never happened in the history of me! When I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised, because like I mentioned before, it was just another day, but when everyone around me is talking about their excesses and getting back on track on Monday, etc., its hard not to get caught up in that and assume I went crazy too.

But I didn't. I'm focused. I've got a few more days with Jordan, and then I jump right into my next 30 day challenge with Destiny.* The 30 days between December 1st and December 31st are going to be probably the most challenging of the year. December 10= holiday cocktail party at my house. December 15-18= Las Vegas for my sister's birthday. December 24-25= Christmas. December 31= New Years Eve. That's a lot of events involving alcohol and tempting foods. Well, I should clarify that foods aren't really tempting anymore, but with inhibitions lowered from alcohol, I may make poor choices. Alcohol in excess of a 2-3 glasses also makes me retain water. I have some thinking to do on how I want to handle those events. I'm going to take it one at a time, starting with the holiday cocktail party. Depending on how well my plan goes, that will determine my plan for Las Vegas, and so on and so forth. It really is about finding balance, and not just allowing myself to use any excuse to go nuts, but at the same time, enjoying life.

*Not her real name, but she does kinda have a stripper name, so I gave her a new stripper name. Ha!

270- The Annual Football Game

2011-11-26T13:33:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago, a group of my friends started an annual football game Thanksgiving weekend. Many out of towners are in town, so its a great chance to see everyone, get together and socialize after. Five years ago, when we played for the first time, I remember being panicked. I didn't have any nice workout clothes that I would allow anyone to see me in, especially this competitive group of fit friends. I tried on everything reasonable in my closet before settling on something. I went for a short run prior to the game, as some last-ditch effort to get myself in shape for what was to come?

I was also panicked because this is the exact type of event I want to participate in, and be ok at, yet I was horribly out of shape and heavy. This was clearly one of those moments where I was conscious of where I was, and how far from where I wanted to be I was. I went out and played on the cold muddy field, I gave it my all, but I might as well have been invisible. The couples only threw to each other, my bf was working, I was slow, yet in my head I thought I was moving at mach speed. The days after rank in my top 5 of the most sore I've ever been. I was sore in places I didn't know I had, and places that I never thought would get used "playing" football. I heard later that everyone else was pretty sore as well. That made me feel a little better.

This year was different. There was no panic about what to wear. There was no panic about my stamina or ability to keep up. I ran around and didn't feel like I was going to die. I was not ignored as much, and actually got the ball thrown to me a few times. Best of all, I know I'm not going to be sore tomorrow. Except for my left middle finger, which I managed to bruise the crap out of catching a ball the wrong way when tossing the football back and forth AFTER we were all done playing. I seriously hope this injury streak I seem to be on this year ends soon. Typing with two fingers taped together is annoying.

271- Post Thanksgiving Thoughts

2011-11-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving was an experiment for me. I did not use the holiday as an excuse to let loose and eat anything and everything I wanted. Working with the bf deluxe, we carefully planned a meal. The meal was real foods- grilled turkey, lots of vegetables, and a pumpkin pie made with a gluten free crust and a filling with no refined sugar, only a little grade B maple syrup.

This year, Thanksgiving was just another meal. I ate one plate. I didn't have seconds of anything. I was satisfied, not overly stuffed. In all honesty, there was a twinge of missing out. I wondered if I'm ever going to be able to eat a homemade roll again, or some of my mom's stuffing, or a piece of apple pie. I know right now, this year, having any of those items is not possible. I would not trade the way I feel, the current ability to look at any of the aforementioned items and BE ABLE to refuse them, or my shrinking body for any food of the past.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, with hardly any leftovers in the fridge, my life as far as eating and thoughts about food remained how they have been for the past 3 months- food is not ruling me. I did not wake up and jump out of bed excited to eat leftovers (yes, there was a time in my life when food would get me out of bed). Thanksgiving was just another day. The things that made it different from any other day were the break from work, and family/friends joining us for dinner. The food was secondary. That's how holidays should be.

272- Paleo Thanksgiving in Pictures

2011-11-24T17:26:00.000-08:00

First Paleo Thanksgiving= success! Rather then try and explain, I'll just show you how it went down:

Brunch cured meat/cheese/olive tray

Pine cone turkey decoration made by my mom, to replicate one I made for her 25 years ago.

Thanksgiving table cloth.

Pedro in his Thanksgiving outfit.

The table set with the china- isn't it kinda messed up how we have to wash the dishes before dinner, AND after?!

All the goods are on the table.

Up close of the spinach salad with eggs from the ladies- look at those yellow centers!

I forgot to take a picture of my dinner plate, but realized that before dessert, so I managed to snap this shot before devouring the paleo friendly pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

274, 273- Good News, Bad News, Update

2011-11-23T16:26:00.001-08:00

Good News/ Bad News:

I upgraded to a new iPhone 4Gs/I lost most of my pictures, including my November 1 picture (its ok, I'll just use my "after picture" from last time)
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving/I still have sooo much cleaning to do to get ready
I got to leave early from work today/I didn't get the PR I wanted at the gym today
All our Thanksgiving dinner shopping is done/except when I realized we forgot spinach and heavy cream

Week 3 update:

Everything is going really well. I've been good with taking my Fish Oil and vitamin D supplements. I've been working on my kipping swings and pistols, and see progress, but I still have a way to go. Scale has dropped by a few pounds, not that it matters, but for this month I won't be able to say I weighed the same in my before and after pics. I always think its way cooler to see how a body can transform regardless of the scale.

Jordan had a really good week. She focused on getting more sleep, not eating when things didn't go her way, and making good choices in situations where the food was out of her control. She's happy that the scale is holding at a low number, and she feels amazing.

One week left with Jordan!

275- Family Dinner

2011-11-21T19:01:00.001-08:00

Sunday night is family dinner night at our house. The bf deluxe works a 7-3ish shift, so I get to spend all day at home cleaning, preparing for the week, and making a big good ole' fashioned Sunday dinner. Sunday dinners usually mean some sort of large meat chunk slow cooked to perfection, served with some sort of carbohydrate (aka, vegetable) in the form of steamed, roasted, salad, or pickled.

Did you notice what I did right there? I used the "C" word. I'm going to start working it back into my vocabulary, because I realize I've been sort of misleading when I say "I don't eat carbs." I DO eat carbs (lots of them, in fact), I just eat them in vegetable and fruit form instead of bread/grain form. Besides, I think the more times I can say I DO eat something, the better. I digress, the sematics surrounding how I present what I eat is not the point or inspiration for this post. Just a sidenote.

ANYWAY...last night, I didn't really prepare for Sunday dinner. I sort of forgot about it until about 3pm, and then was like, oh, crap! All my big chunks of meat are frozen! I scrounged around in the fridge- it was pretty slim pickings since everything in there was either a) reserved for Thanksgiving, or b) not in there like normal. Luckily, we almost always keep a pound of organic ground beef on hand in the fridge for quick emergency meals. I wasn't feeling tacos, and definitely didn't think burgers were Sunday dinner worthy, and then, staring at the rest of the fridge contents- it hit me! Meatloaf! I haven't made meatloaf in a long time. So I scoured a few of my favorite Paleo recipe sites (Everyday Paleo and Health-Bent) and found that in both of their meatloaf recipes, they used almond flour. I hadn't tried that, previously I just used egg and ground flax seed as my binder. What happened next was quite possibly the best paleo meatloaf creation of all man-kind. I know this because of how much the bf deluxe ate. Holy crap, when he likes something, he is a bottomless pit.

I learned long ago, long before my Paleo days that good meatloaf (and good hamburgers) need a mix of ground beef and ground pork sausage. No joke. In fact, the bf deluxe and I have a long standing fight (not really a fight, but just and incident that he won't drop 6 years later) involving meatloaf, specifically the best meatloaf I've ever had in my life that he made one night, and it used the ground beef/pork combo. The meatloaf was SO good, I not only ate a ridiculous amount that night at dinner, I took ALL the leftovers the next day to work. I didn't leave any of the leftovers (and there was A LOT leftover) for the bf to make a sandwich the next day, and that apparently is grounds to never let me forget it. I admit, it was not my finest moment, taking all that meatloaf to work with me the next morning while the bf innocently slept and then consuming it selfishly because it was THAT good. He would have been ok if I had shared it with my co-workers, but he knew me too well, and knew that I ate it all myself. And now I hear about it at least once a month. Six years later. Again, I digress. I'm getting to my point (the recipe) next, I promise!

Recipe for the best ever Paleo Meatloaf:

1 pound organic and/or grass fed ground beef

1 pound bulk natural pork sausage

1/2 large white onion (finely diced)

2 eggs

1 cup almond flour

1/4c. tomato paste

1 heaping tsp. lemon zest

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Dump all ingredients into large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until all ingredients are entirely encorporated and your hands go numb. Divide into 2 9" cake pans (I prefer shallow discs of meat to the traditional bread pan loaf) so, I guess it really should be called "meatcake." Whatever. Cook until shruken and done-looking (mine took 30 minutes?). Serve with roasted yams, or broccoli, or cauliflower, or salad, or whatever you want. Try not to eat it all, because everyone loves leftover meatloaf and your significant other won't believe you when you lie and say you shared it with co-workers. Trust me.

276- Ladies Brunch

2011-11-20T18:44:00.001-08:00

I'm going to give a shout out to my girl friends over at the original gym, Crossfit Muk. Today a group of us got together for a run and brunch. It was a fantastic fall morning, clear and very cold. It was my first long run since the ankle sprain, and it held up just fine. I think I experienced more issues from trying to change my running form in my NB Minimus' (calves on fire) then my ankle. I'm going to be sore tomorrow for sure.

I'm excited to have Greenlake runs back in my repertoire. Brunch was tasty, and filled with good conversation. I'm hoping these workouts/brunches become tradition!

277- Payback is a B%*#$

2011-11-19T12:08:00.001-08:00

Before I did Crossfit, I let Jillian Michaels torture me. I thought the 30-day shred was the hardest thing ever. I couldn't do many push-ups (even on my knees), I had a hard time with the plank moves, and all the moves, actually. But I still did it religiously because at that time I thought Jillian Michaels was bad ass.

The airing of this video recently makes me beyond happy. Here is Jillian, someone that used to beat the crap out of me struggling in probably one of the most simplistic Crossfit routines:

http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/home_page?init_type=Feature&init_id=5302

In terms of my goals, I'm not where I want to be yet. But watching Jillian, someone who is supposed to be so fit, and America's "weight loss guru" have a tough time lifting 65# off the ground, and above her head makes me pretty excited that I can do those things. I can do those things and a lot more. I still respect the crap out of her because I like her tough no-excuses attitude. However, I definitely saw a whole new side to things when watching her look how I used to look doing her video after running through something that might be 1/2 my warm-up nowadays.

I hope the show the Doctors continues to promote Crossfit! The shit works better then any Jillian video, Jillian is proof of that!

278- When Worlds Collide

2011-11-18T17:21:00.001-08:00

I know it may seem counter-intuitive, but this blog is very personal. Yes, it is available for anyone on the world-wide-web to read, but I do not promote this blog. I do not blog for comments and/or support from others. As nice as that is when it does happen (and I do appreciate support), this is a place for me to document and hash out my experiences. There have been occasions where friends/acquaintences have found out about it and asked for the address. I am picky with the friends I choose to share this with. My own mom and dad do not know this blog exists. In fact, I think if a large majority of my friends were to know about this blog and read it in its entirety, I might just curl up and never leave the house. Its embarrassing.

I have always seen my extra weight as a flaw in myself, something that shouldn't be publically discussed, and its sometimes very hard for me when friends ask me about the stuff they read here. This blog also only represents a small fraction of my life. There is so much more to me then the stuff I discuss here. I rarely talk about my job, my relationships, my hobbies, and my non-health/fitness related dreams (surprisingly, there are lots of). Exceptions to this would be when there is some cross-over or intermingling between my "regular life" and the things I choose to discuss on my blog, also known as my worlds colliding.

I've never been comfortable talking about my issues with food, but through this amazing community of other people sharing their experiences, I see so much of myself in others. I've been directed to new information, seen amazing transformations, been disappointed, angry, sad, and so excited by people I've never met, yet check in on daily. This blog has made me take leaps out of my comfort zone, and has made sharing some of my experiences out loud, and in person, easier. That is tremendous growth on my part- to not feel isolated, to not make this only my problem to deal with. Of course these gains in growth are not without consequence. As a result of the things I choose to discuss here, I have lost a good friend. I am in the process of mourning this loss, and its very stressful. I keep thinking that I can do more to salvage the relationship, but now I'm fairly confident its a lost cause.

If a friend has a personal "journey" blog, and you don't agree with the majority of the things they write, do you end the friendship?

What if instead of my blog, I chose to paint pictures? What if I took my feelings, expressed them on oil and canvass and that was my theapy? What if I kept my huge collection of years of paintings in the basement because they were so dear to me, I didn't want them hanging in the house for all to see? One day, totally nervous, I chose to share them with you. If you didn't like my paintings, think my technique is crap, or even if you were offended by them, would that be enough reason to throw 12+ years of friendship out the window?

I see things through my eyes. I think Mark Rothko's paintings are dumb and I could do them myself. Art is subjective, my blog is subjective, and like any artist driven to keep painting like they do, I wouldn't continue to grow like I have been if I stopped doing what I do here.

279- I Got Nothing

2011-11-17T20:46:00.001-08:00

Today I was every dogs fire hydrant. Eh, what can I say? It happens. Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm going to go shower.

280- Paleo Turkey Day

2011-11-16T20:31:00.001-08:00

Oh, Thanksgiving. How I loved you so. Historically you were always my favorite holiday, because it was ok to eat ridiculous amounts of food. You were the one holiday where I didn't feel like a total fatass for stuffing my face with mashed potatoes, peas, stuffing, yams, rolls, pie and the like. It was expected that everyone would go back for seconds. It was expected that everyone would try each kind of the 3 pies. It was expected that everyone would stuff themselves beyond belief. It was expected that the next morning I would wake up and eat pie for breakfast. It was my kind of holiday! I would trade all the gift giving and receiving of Christmas for a holiday of gluttony anyday.

Thanksgivings will never be like that for me again. I don't say that to feel sorry for myself, or so that you will feel sorry for me either, I say that in all honesty. The way I used to go about Thanksgiving was horrible for my body, and downright disgusting. I mean, think about it. A day in which all the foods traditionally made are things I can not just stop at one bite of? Whoever had just one bite of homemade mashed potatoes? Or pie? Or...? Its a set up for failure. This year it was completely the bf deluxe's idea to do a Paleo Turkey Day. Afterall, its really not that hard to modify the dinner and make it full of vegetables and turkey. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be dying to grab a second helping of brussel sprouts and arguing within my head about how much room I should save in my stomach for paleo pumpkin pie. Will there be some "paleo" treats? Yes, it is still a holiday!

Here is our menu plan for the day. The bf deluxe absolutely hates the idea of "paleotizing" things. For him, its black and white. Either it is paleo or it isn't. So, he is not, and is not, allowing me to make things like cauliflower mashed potatoes, or "stuffing," or anything that is traditionally made of non-paleo ingredients yet attempted to be re-created with paleo ingredients. I understand where he is coming from. I still resist on a few occasions.

Before dinner (the in-laws like to show up early and spend the WHOLE day with us):

Paleo pumpkin cake with maple cream cheese frosting- (recipe for cake HERE with 1/2 the amount of honey) I will be making up my own frosting recipe. This is something that has been paleotized. However, I made it, and the bf deluxe LOVED it, so it gets the OK.

Natural, uncured bacon

Scrambled fresh eggs (from the ladies in the back yard)

Coffee

Ongoing:

Assorted cheese/meat/olive/pickled things tray

Dinner:

Roasted Turkey

Roasted vegetable medley- cauliflower, butternut squash, onions, carrots

Smashed yams

Brussel sprouts w/ pancetta

Raw cranberry relish (Elenas' Pantry)

Spinach salad with hard-boiled fresh eggs (again, thanks ladies), toasted hazelnuts, pancetta crumbles, dried cherries, and chef's special vinaigrette dressing

Dessert:

Pecan Pie (brought by the in-laws for the non-paleo folks)

Paleo friendly pumpkin pie (with almond flour crust)- again, this is something that needs minimal modifying to make paleo, and I'm probably going to be the only one eating this.

In case its not obvious, prior Thanksgivings= foods that I love and cannot get enough of (stuffing, apple pie, candied yams, mashed potatoes, homemade rolls). New Thanksgivings= foods that make me say "meh." There will not be any need/longing/craving to eat more.

A few months ago, a bunch of people at the gym were raving about this new frozen yogurt place that lets you pick all these cool toppings, and its so good, and fat free blah blahbitty blah blah...I had just begun my 1 year challenge, and was so close to being on the brink of just saying "fuck it" and going. Then, I read nearly the exact story on one of the Facebook Fan pages I follow. His thoughts on the new fancy frozen yogurt place would change the way I think:

Why would I purposely try something new that I could possibly crave often? It would be better to just avoid it altogether so I never know what I'm missing. There are enough things that I do know about that I'm missing out on, and I don't need to create any new ones.

And this relates to Thanksgiving (and the rest of my life) how? Why would I purposely put myself in a position of having to resist foods that I can not control myself around? That's so stupid, I'm not even going to try. Guess its time to find a new favorite holiday!

281- Mid-Month Update

2011-11-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

Week 2 down! This month (year?) has been flying by. I am continually amazed by how time can seemingly go by faster and faster each year. I can't believe next week is Thanksgiving already. At this rate, my 365 day challenge will be over tomorrow, and I'm going to be 73 years old in two weeks.

Progress Report on my Monthly Mini-goals:

Continue eating a paleo diet- YES. This is...dare I say it...rountine now? It requires very little thinking, but still quite a bit of planning.

Continue to work on kipping swings at gym/increasing my dead hang hold time- Yes- I work on this 4x a week at the gym. Its still going to be awhile before I get a kipping pull-up, but I'm practicing the movement for muscle memory
Work on one-legged squats daily- Yes- I have been working on this nearly daily. One leg (the not sprained ankle leg) is so much stronger then the other. My balance has improved by working on these for sure.
Take fish oil and vitamin D daily- Yes! I've been SO much better about this. Vitamin D is easier to take/remember because the pills are about 1/3 of the size, and I can take them whenever. Fish Oil I have to make sure I take before a meal, so I don't get the dreaded fish burps, but I'm usually so excited to eat, I forget. Plus the pills are gigantic. Still working on this.
Have my first Paleo Thanksgiving- everything is on schedule for a Paleo Turkey Day next week!

Jordan's Progress Report:

She e-mailed me last Thursday (before our normal Tuesday check-in) and informed me she was able to fit into a pair of shorts she hasn't worn in 2 years. She also saw a low weight on the scale she hasn't seen since beginning to test Paleo, about a year ago. She was beyond ecstatic. Progress on her goals stalled out this week as life got in the way, but she assured me that checking in once a week and HAVING goals has made them more present, and therefore something she will work on.

Oh, and I found a sucker (ha) to take December 1 - December 31st with me! She is already involved in a challenge with her gym, but she welcomes the additional support because she's having a hard time getting motivated. We've been sharing a few ideas, and WOW! This chick is awesome, and has brought some great things to the table! Can't wait to introduce you all to her in December.

282- Feeling Good

2011-11-14T18:28:00.001-08:00

Today, sitting in the passenger seat as my bf deluxe was driving me to work, I looked down and thought, damn, I'm getting smaller! That felt good.

A co-worker stopped me in the bathroom today and told me that I looked really good today. I thanked her. That felt good.

Since the bf deluxe dropped me off at work today, I was car-less and decided to run to the 1/2 mile each way to the gym. Running a 1/2 mile took me 5 minutes there and 6 minutes on the way back, and it didn't even feel like I was doing anything at all. That felt good.

I set up for today's workout, and one of the guys comes over to me and says "wow, you're doing this Rx'd? I like that!" and gave me a high-5. That felt good.

When I got back from the gym, I had an e-mail from my boss titled "WOW." I opened it, and it said he saw me running to the club (gym) and he was impressed. That felt good.

My friend that cancelled dinner plans with me last night at the last minute rescheduled for later this week. That felt good.

I reached out to the person I want to do the December 1 - December 31st challenge with and she responded with a YES. That felt good.

I got a lot done at work today. That felt good.

284, 283- Funk

2011-11-13T20:09:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was deep in a funk, and didn't really move off the couch. That is not how I want to live my life- feeling crappy for myself, ignoring chores, being sedentary, and wasting a day. I was so consumed by the funk, I didn't even realize something was wrong with me until today. I didn't have the energy to do anything- dishes sat in the sink, this blog went un-updated, it even hurt to lie on the couch.

I slept in late today, woke up, and DECIDED to make today different. I forced myself to get out of the house, I walked 1.5 miles (one way) to Starbucks, got coffee, and by the time I was 1/2 way through drinking it, I suddenly felt normal again. I don't know if it was the exercise, the fresh air, the coffee, or the texting with great friends I was engaged in, but its like a switch flipped, and I was better. I took myself across the street to Goodwill for some retail bargain hunting, and found 2 skirts and a sweater for under $20!

My life is what I make of it. If there is something that I don't like, I'm going to work to fix it. Even if I have to fake excitement, or push myself to do something I don't want to do, I refuse to let myself feel sorry for myself on a couch watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs for an entire day ever again. (Unless I'm hungover, ran a marathon the day before, or completed some other feat of greatness in productivity that warrants a day of absolutely nothing.)

The funny thing is, I love my life. Yesterday was some crazy anomaly, might be the weather, or maybe I just needed a mental day off. Perhaps this is what people mean when they say they "feel their feelings" instead of numbing them with food. Come to think of it, I did used to spend many weekends baking and eating things, now that's not an option, so whatever is going on I feel it full force. Hmm. I'm going to have to take a few days to think about that and work on that theory.

Meanwhile, the bottom line is I'm better today.

285- Specific

2011-11-11T18:41:00.001-08:00

You say you want to get in shape. How will you know when you are there?

You say you want to lose weight. If you're losing muscle and water, does that count?

You say you want to get stronger. How are you going to measure that?

You say you want to eat better. What does that mean?

You say you want to be healthy. Who determines what is healthy?

I can't count how many times I threw around these vague, arbitrary terms. Why it never dawned on me that any time I uttered one of these statments (either to myself or out loud) I was essentially saying nothing.

Let's go through some former thought/action processes of mine using these catch phrases:

I want to get in shape. Ok. Great! That sounds like a plan! I'll just start exercising and eating well. If I do that long enough, I'll be in shape! But wait. How will I know when I'm in shape? Can I run a 5K? A marathon? What if I can run a marathon but I'm still larger then I want to be? I give up.

I want to get in shape and lose weight. Ok, even better! I'll keep running and training for races, and I'm bound to get smaller. I mean, look at runners, they are tiny! Now I can run distances longer then 5K, but I can't do a push-up to save my life. I'm smaller, yes, but I have to keep eating less and less calories to get/stay smaller. I give up.

I want to get in shape, lose weight, and be stronger. Wow! That sounds great. I'll keep running long distances, throw in some push-ups/lunges/and sit-ups, and call it good. That way I can build up my muscle mass so my metabolism revs up, burn all sorts of fat with running miles and miles, and its a sure fire way to get in shape, lose weight, and be stronger! I do all this and nothing changes. The scale doesn't move. I don't see abs after 2 months. I give up.

I need to focus on eating better. Yes! I'll keep my calories between 1200-1400 per day! I'll have an oatmeal packet for breakfast, a banana for a mid-morning snack, subway sandwich at lunch, handful of peanut M&M's at 3pm, and pasta with tomato sauce and broccoli for dinner. So low fat! Whole grains, fruit, veggies, nuts (wrapped in chocolate), its so balanced! I can't go more than 3 hours without getting insanely hungry (and SUPER grouchy), I'm starving after a workout and tend to eat everything in site, I lose a few pounds over the course of a month, and slowly start eating more meals out, eating more junk food, and end up even fatter a few months down the road. I give up.

I just want to be healthy. Be at a healthy weight. Not have my doctor want to test my cholesterol. I don't want an increased risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disese, or any other ailment. I'm going to start taking a multi-vitamin and eating more salads. I'm going to join a new gym and go everyday. I'm going to stop eating out at restaurants so much. I'm going to cut back on sweets. This lasts for 1-2 months. I give up.

Looking back now with new eyes and new knowledge, I see that none of these statements were specific. Let's do a small revision:

I want to get in shape. I want to be able to run a 5K in under 27 minutes, perform the majority of my crossfit workouts Rx'd and faster then the majority of the people in my group.

I want to lose weight. I want to keep muscle mass, but lose fat. I'm going to take measurements of my body and use that as a gauge. The scale can not tell me everything. I realize this is going to be a long process as I build and retain muscle, fat will be slow to come off, and it will take weeks for fat loss to be measurable on the scale, but my body will be getting smaller.

I want to get stronger. I want to be able to do at least 2 strict pull-ups in a row, and multiple kipping-pull-ups. I want to increase my major lifts (power clean, dead lift, squats, press) by at least 20lbs each over the next few months. I want to be able to do one-legged squats (pistols), and 30" box jumps.

I want to eat better. I have done extensive research and found that the standard American diet (SAD) is not conducive to my genetics. I read study upon study debunking the link between cholesterol and heart disease. I have experimented on my own body, and found that eating wheat/gluten causes me to have allergies, and that eating refined sugar and carbohydrates only makes me want more refined sugar and carbohydrates. I need to balance my blood sugar levels by eating foods that don't cause my blood sugar to spike. I'm going to eat real foods. Meat, vegetables, naturally occuring fats, occasional fruit, and nuts.

I want to be healthy. By eating a diet of real foods (but not "going on a diet") and exercising in the form of mimicking human movements (walking, occasional sprints, lifting heavy things, squatting, etc.) I will be doing what my body is programmed to do. If its in my genetics that I will gain more muscle, I will. If its in my genetics that I will lose fat, I will. Overall health is a result of the activities I choose to repeat. The more times I repeat ingesting real foods and performing functional exercises, the healthier I become.

By making my goals specific, I create a starting point (not just a starting weight), and my progress can be measured in other important realms. By working towards one of my strength or healthy eating goals, I reach a goal of health by default.

286- So. Angry.

2011-11-10T19:22:00.001-08:00

There are pieces to my personality that are unflattering when they rear their head (temper, excessive eating, stubborn, etc). I'm aware of this. I'm also human and cannot ignore or pretend these pieces don't exist, because eventually, something will happen that triggers a beast to emerge.

I will say that the flattering pieces FAR outweight the unflattering, especially when I do the right things- eat right, exercise, sleep, work, socialize, plan, etc. If I'm content with everything I'm doing in my life, then the beast(s) stay at bay. Lately, when I've noticed a beast emerging, I take the time to analyze how a previous version of me would react, and how I react now.

This morning I opened my eyes from a deep sleep and noticed it was light- too light in the room. My eyes flashed over to the alarm clock, and it read 7:20. DAMN! I bolted up and realized I must have turned my alarm off last night instead of on. I frantically searched for something to wear, gym clothes, food for lunch, and I seemed to just be running in circles. When I wake up with my alarm, I seem to have no trouble doing all these things. My gym clothes were in the dryer, still damp. I sifted through laundry mountain in the dining room for clothes to wear. I brushed my teeth and packed up last nights leftovers for lunch, and realized I would not have time to cook myself breakfast sausage. DAMN. I grabbed an apple, and looked at the almond butter container and then remembered I had almond butter at work.

An apple and almond butter is definitely not my ideal way to start the day, nor is it a breakfast I should make a habit of eating, but it would work in a pinch. The fat in the almond butter should be satiating enough to get me to lunch, and I would be working out later, so the sugar from the apple should be put to use quickly.

I made it to work only a few minutes later then normal, layed out my gym clothes around my cubical to dry, and got to work sifting through e-mails. After my coffee, I decided to slice up my apple and have breakfast. I go to the kitchen, cut up my apple, put it on a plate, open the fridge to grab my mini-tupperware of almond butter...and its gone. I move aside 3 giant pizza boxes full of pizza, a huge plastic container of salad, and search every corner. I move aside the mustard with the barely readable label and a use by date of March '09, the cans of pop, a half sandwich, NOTHING. WTF. I start to panic. I was counting on that almond butter being there. I can't just eat an apple. I need some protein/fat to accompany it. Everyone I work with sucks. I was fuming.

So, I grab my apple slices, head over to the receptionist and ask her if she knows where my almond butter went. "Oh, was that what that was? I threw it out." I look crushed, she goes on to say: "Half the time I don't know what's in that fridge, and the power went out, so things go bad." Me- blank stare she says "Sorry." Me- "that's ok, I'll just bring more in." And it was ok. Even though I was counting on that almond butter, and even though I could have brought some from home, it was ok. I need to learn a better way to deal with the unexpected, and the first step is for me to understand that these things happen.

I know, I know. Its almond butter, not the end of the world. Instead of getting visibly irritated with the receptionist and rolling my eyes or making a snide comment, I listened, and then walked away. Instead of grabbing a piece of pizza (or 3) to eat for breakfast (because you know, my whole plan for that morning was shot) I went back to my desk, dug into my lunch, and ate some of my pork shoulder with the apple slices. Instead of dwelling on this event, I realized how ugly I was being, and moved on.

The take away from this situation? I've changed and I'm slowly re-teaching myself how to cope with events that used to derail me completely. This is no different than last week and the Halloween candy, when I saw myself taking 5 pieces and eating them like it was nothing. I stopped that beast, just like I stopped this one. Change is possible. Habits can be broken. Life is so much better with the beasts at bay.

Oh, and yesterday, we worked on push-press again, and even as sore as I was, I got new PR's- 10 RM 85#, 1 RM- 115#.

287- Introducing Jordan*

2011-11-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

In my call for help last week, I mentioned I was taking the remainder of my year (a little over 9 months) and breaking it up into nine 30 day challenges. I asked for volunteers to take a 30 day chunk with me, because, lets face it, accountability, support, and help are all incredible tools when it comes to eating well and exercise. In this first call for help (I can assure you there will be at least one more) I got 5 resounding "yeses." I've got November 1st- December 1st covered, and four volunteers for January-March. January may have two folks, or maybe I can talk one of them into April (KMcC?). I'm beyond ecstatic about this, I have help all the way up until the end of March, and maybe April! I have a thought for someone to rope into December 1st to January 1st, but have yet to contact them...I'll let you know how that goes. I understand that is probably the worst/hardest time to get someone to try and eat no sugar/grains/etc. with me!

Week one of my November 1st to December 1st 30 day challenge (aka count-down to 100 days) with my friend Jordan* is complete. We shared our food logs yesterday over e-mail, as well as our monthly mini-goal progress updates. I have been rocking the Fish Oil and vitamin D supplements, and she has been steadily working herself back into paleo eating after a tough start to her week.

A little background on Jordan- she has made several attempts over the past year at eating paleo. She is incredibly smart, active, a phenomenal athlete (with a very athletic body), and would probably share her last piece of bacon with me if we were ever in a situation where there was only one piece of bacon that needed to be shared. I'm going to hazard a guess for her reasons at attempting to adopt a more Paleo approach to her eating, and if any of these prove to be untrue in the next 23 days, I'll let you know:

- she likes the way she feels eating this way

- something about this way of eating makes sense to her

- she wants to lean out (more muscle definition)

Her mini-goals for the 30 days are to keep attending her gym and doing outside runs, working on upper body strength, getting enough sleep, and stretching.

So far so good! I'll let you know how we are doing next week.

*name has been made up for privacy

288- Dead Lifts

2011-11-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

I now know why they are called dead lifts. I might be dead. Yesterday at gym #1, we did a 12 minute workout consisting of 3 movements- bear crawl, dead lifts and pull-ups. The dead lifts were relatively heavy, but not to crazy 155#. Still, over the course of the workout I ended up doing 54 155# dead lifts. I went home and looked up what the workout was going to be for today at gym #2. Oh, a 15 minute workout consisting of 3 movements? Dead lifts, sprints, and pull-ups? Awe, man! Essentially the same workout I just did, only 3 minutes longer, and with HEAVIER dead lifts?!

I woke up this morning feeling every muscle in my shoulders, upper back, and abs. Still, with my love of dead lifts, I was confident I could pull them off in today's workout. I started out with 155# on my bar, but after the first round had to drop down to 135#. It was just too much. Still, I completed 6 dead lifts at 155#, and 30 at 135#. Now I die.

289- Can't Force It

2011-11-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more I realize I'm not as in charge of my life as I think I am. I notice anything I try to force, or feel strongly about generally does not go the way I push it and I'm always having to adjust my course, sometimes with great sadness or disappointment, other times gladly. This is not a bad thing, it just takes some getting used to.

Sure I can take steps in a direction of my choosing, but will I end up where I think I'm headed? Nope. Never. I do however always manage to end up in a better place, whether I realize it at the moment or years later.

So I'm going to go on doing what I can do everyday to make myself feel great (eating paleo and crossfitting!), but I'm going to quit trying to force life changes to happen at the wrong time (promotions, home buying, etc.), and just leave them up to whatever captain is steering my boat. I suddenly feel so relieved.

290- Fall Back

2011-11-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

I love the end of daylight savings. It makes me feel normal again. I woke up wide awake at 7:30 this morning (yes, on a SUNDAY!) and immediately started my day. I had an extra spring in my step, the sun was shining, and I got so much done.

If you forget about the part where I spent 2 hours peeling, coring and baking apples from the tree in our yard for applesauce only to find out when they came out of the oven that they had been infested with apple maggots, it was another perfect day!

291-Gift of a Day

2011-11-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful clear fall day. The kind of day where I could not sit inside and watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, and had to go work in the yard. I cleaned the chicken coop, I swept pine needles (holy crap, douglas fir trees are worse then any deciduous leave dropping tree!), did general yard stuff, took down my Halloween decorations, and sat in the sun.

Its been awhile since I tried some Paleo baking, and ever since discovering Elena's Pantry, I've had much success. I tried her Paleo Bread recipe a few months ago, and I've also made her banana muffins modified to be paleo. Today I tried her Paleo Pumpkin Bread, and the house smells amazing. I doubled the recipe (but kept the honey at the single recipe amount) added zest from 1/2 an orange, and stirred in some organic raisins at the end. It made a perfect 12 muffins:

Seriously, I never knew almonds, eggs, salt, pumpkin, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice, honey and raisins could look so good.

I'll be enjoying one of these later with some organic pasture butter while watching Grey's Anatomy. A perfect end to a perfect day!

292- Three Straight Days

2011-11-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just as predicted, for the past 3 days there has been 1) a ridiculous mountain of candy in the kitchen at work (that seems to replenish itself daily) 2) no less then 2 boxes of donuts in the kitchen, and 3) catered lunch.

I'll be the first to admit that I've stared at the donuts. I've lifted the lid to the box and got a wiff of the sweet smell. I've even picked up some of the Halloween candy chocolate pieces, and ran my fingers through the huge mound just looking at all that was there. I thought about how I wished I could just grab a donut. But I know better. I thought about how good a mini Kit-Kat would taste with my morning coffee. But I know better. Insulin does not take any days off.

Today as I was staring at the mound of candy, letting my mind picture myself taking that next step of actually removing a piece from the basket, something weird happened. I didn't just see myself taking one piece, I saw myself taking THE REST of the mini Kit-Kat's in the basket as well as the Hershey Bar (the rest of the candy was the Halloween dregs, jolly ranchers, twizzlers, etc). I caught myself mid-thought, and said "yeah. Exactly. There is no one piece. You would end up taking 5 Kit-Kats and a Hershey bar, which would be 2.5 REGULAR size Kit-Kats!"

This was so eye opening to me, since I was able to see a few steps farther then just picking up the one Kit-Kat. Rather then be in a non-present fog of just giving in and rationalizing, I was aware of what would happen next. I saw myself grabbing all of them, with the panicked thought "there's only a few left!" When in reality, I counted them and I saw there were 5, far more than a few. I remembered how easily they would go down. I remember how easy it was to eat ridiculous amounts of mini-candy bars. I finished filling up my coffee, put coconut milk creamer in it, and walked out of the kitchen empty handed.

Was this a near slip-up? No. After 70+ days avoiding this stuff has been more of the habit then giving in to it, so its not really a big deal. Does it wear on me at times? Absolutely. I really think that is the issue going on here- its been 3 days of this stuff (4 if you count me handing out candy at Halloween) and I'm sick of being around it. If its constantly in my face, then I'm looking at it, thinking about it, smelling it, etc.

I know for me, the best way to be successful is to not be in situations where tempting items are (like an alcoholic avoiding a bar). I do not walk into cupcake shops or bakeries. I do not buy treats for the bf deluxe. I try my best to not make treats for others (birthdays are the exception here), I keep restaurant dining to a minimum. I do these things to build up my strength. The longer I stay away, the less appealing they become. I certainly have enough strength for the occasional circumstance (declining birthday cake at a friends party or whatever) but these next few months are going to be the toughest as I'm constantly bombarded with old familiar haunts. One thing is now certain to me- 70+ days is clearly not enough time to put all the food crazy behind me. The crazy is there, and is looking for any excuse to come out.

293- Awesome Arms

2011-11-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a strength day. We were attempting to find our 1 rep max for push press after finding our 10 rep max. I was paired up with a new girl, it was her second day ever. She had a great attitude. I was happy to be paired with her and help her out.

We took turns trying to find our respective maximum push presses, and at one point, when I was loading up my bar, new girl asks me: "So, is this the only thing you do? I mean, workout wise? Your arms are amazing." Whoa, whoa, whaaaaa? Back up. Did she just say my arms (my worst thing in the world) are amazing? I thanked her, and said yes, any "arms" I had could be attributed to crossfitting and the awesomeness of the program/trainers/etc.

But here's the thing. I know what I have, and I know what I don't have. Amazing arms are something that I do not have. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they allow me to hang from a bar, hold myself in a handstand, lift heavy things, hug my bf deluxe and doggie, and eat! But when I think of amazing arms, I think of sculpted deltoids, and curves of biceps, things I do not have. I do not wear tank tops in public.

However, I did nail a 110# push press for my one rep max, so maybe my arms are pretty amazing afterall.

294- HELP ME

2011-11-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

Ooohhh, I'm so excited about this, I don't even know where to begin! I've written about how I'm going to take all the help I can get when it comes to making the right food/exercise choices for me. Help comes in many forms, but I find pier support/friendly competition the best. I have a little over 8 months left in my one year challenge to myself, or 294 days. So, here's what I'm thinking: I'm going to break up the rest of my time into nine 30 day challeges. I'm going to ask for volunteers to take a 30 day chunk and go Paleo with me. 30 days is all you do, get 30 days closer to my goal is all I do.

By working with a different person each month, I'm bound to never get bored. We can share recipes and helpful tips. Its an exciting opportunity for anyone that has been thinking about taking the Paleo plunge! I don't bite (although, people are Paleo), I'd love to share what I've learned, and also to have the accountability of a partner for the remainder of the year. 30 days is NOTHING! C'mon, who is with me?!

I already have a volunteer to get me from Day 70 to Day 100. Who is going to take the 30 days after that, and after that? I would love it if people that haven't tried Paleo to give it a try, its just 30 days! Or even if you have tried but want to try again. You can help me get to 365 faster, and you might just learn something about yourself!

There will be rules. But nothing too crazy. Once we have agreed upon a 30 day plan/goal set, I think we would be fine with a once a week check in. That's 4 emails in 30 days. Don't tell me you don't have time!

You can remain anonymous if you want, or I will promote the crap out of your blog. I'm not picky. The only thing I do want is people that are serious about giving this a go for 30 days, and will actually give it their all. I don't care if you eat 34 twinkies the night before, and then on day 31 eat 42 big macs. All I'm interested in is 30 days of you abstaining from sugar, grains, legumes, and dairy (dairy can be potentially negotiable). You don't even have to exercise.

If you'd like to take a chunk of days let me know in the comments. Otherwise, I'll just hunt people down. I know where to find you. I need 8 volunteers for the following:

Dec 1 to Dec 31st

Jan 1 to Jan 31

Feb 1 to Feb 28

March 1 to March 31

April 1 to April 30

May 1 to May 31

June 1 to June 30

July 1 to July 31

I'll handle the last 20 something days on my own. If, IF there is an overwhelming response and more then 8 people want to do a 30 day chunk, no problem. The more the merrier.

A few links (I have so many more) of Paleo inspiration/information:

An easy to read bio-chem breakdown:

http://primitivestimulus.com/2011/10/sugar-insulin-resistance-and-fat-loss/

A few good places to start:

http://thepaleodiet.com/

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/welcome-to-marks-daily-apple/

Paleo Recipes!

http://everydaypaleo.com/

http://nomnompaleo.com/

295- November 1 Update

2011-11-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm 70+ days into this one year challenge. I decided on October 1st to start doing monthly progress reports/goal setting. I've been updating my measurements every month, and staying of the scale for the most part. I say for the most part because while I know the scale doesn't really tell me anything real about my body composition, I do know that the number on the scale should be travelling in the downward direction just due to my size.

The thing is, in these past 70 days, it hasn't budged much at all. Up until a few days ago I was having panic moments that maybe yet again one more "plan" of mine is failing me. Sure I feel great. Sure I don't have any more cravings for horrible foods, and I can look at any food item with out it ruling my thoughts for the next hour/day/week. Sure I've avoided sugar, grains, legumes, etc. for over 2 months, been going to CrossFit 4 days a week, but really? No change on the scale?

Perhaps I was spoiled by my initial Paleo experiment when I dropped 25 pounds in 3 months. Of course I'm within a few pounds of that weight I reached after the 25 pound loss, but I clearly have more to go! Hence my doubts.

On October 1st, I decided to take a photo of me in shirt that I really like, but it is just a tad too tight for comfort I would not leave the house wearing this:

And same outfit Novemeber 1st:

Ok, so once again, the scale is full of shit. I'm done panicking. Moving forward on my course for a year of sticking to this plan...

Progress Report:

Ankle- still getting stronger. Sometimes I have some pain/stiffness, but after a warm up my mobility is nearly right back to where it was pre-sprain.

Recent lifts/workout feats that come to mind-

New Deadlift PR- 3 rep max- 200#

Box jumps- back to doing 18" box jumps

Ran 2 miles no problem

Sleep- getting plenty and still waking up before my alarm most days

Standing all day at work

Water consumption- good

Supplements- need to be better about taking fish oil and vitamin D.

Goals for November:
Continue eating a paleo diet
Continue to work on kipping swings at gym/increasing my dead hang hold time
Work on one-legged squats daily
Take fish oil and vitamin D daily
Have my first Paleo Thanksgiving

I took a new picture of me today, again, in an outfit that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the house in. The pants fit, but are snug, and the top I chose to go with the pants I wouldn't wear the two of them together just yet. You'll have to wait till December 1st (day 100!) to see if I feel comfortable wearing them together yet!

296- The Beginning of the End

2011-10-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! Or as I used to call it, the beginning of the end. This day officially for many people (and formerly ME) kicks off a 2 month bender of overeating that only a New Years Resolution can fix. It starts with a few Fun Size Snickers bars- better buy 5 bags, we get A LOT of trick or treaters afterall! Being slightly annoyed everytime some stupid kid in an ugly costume comes to the door, I cheaply hand one measly piece to each kid, and "surprisingly" find myself with 3 whole bags leftover!

The huge bags of tiny candy pieces barely make it to the second week in November, which then of course its time to start testing out (and eating) Thanksgiving recipes. Always searching for the most creative decadent dishes that pack the most refined carbs and sugar into each bite, "its only one day" I say to myself "I want it to be special!" I begin dreaming up new ways to indulge, since turkey, stuffing, yams, mashed potatoes, rolls, various pies are not enough. "Oh, maybe I should start a "Thanksgiving cinnamon roll" breakfast tradition this year! Or, maybe instead of pumpkin and apple pies, I'll make a gigantic pumpkin-caramel swirl cheesecake with ginger snap crust!" The leftovers make my "one special day" into four.

December brings work holiday parties, friends holiday parties, red and green M&M's, christmas cookies, cold weather in which only comfort foods will suffice, and Christmas! Christmas usually means family, and who doesn't want to eat 10,000 red foil wrapped Hershey kisses or a whole bowl of raw sugar cookie dough when family is around...looking at you with those eyes. Ok, maybe that last sentence is specific to me only. Yup, pretty sure it is. Anyway, you get my point. Halloween- January 1st = non-stop indulgence if you aren't paying attention.

Last year, even though I was CrossFitting and "eating Paleo" I fell somewhat victim to the 2 month trap. Not in anyway like previous years, but I definitely am currently working off the mistakes I made, one year ago. Literally and figuratively. Honestly? Now that I have detoxed from refined sugar/carbs and can see clearly, I know that my success depends entirely on me not eating one piece of Halloween candy. I know I can do this because 1) I bought 3 bags of the most responsible candy I could find (Raisinets and Reeses PB cups) last night, bf deluxe immediately opened the Reeses while we were carving pumpkins and I didn't feel the slightest inkling to eat any, 2) my 365 day challenge and 3) because I know from the 2 month scenario I outlined above that there is no "one piece of Halloween candy." I certainly do not want to be sitting here next year working off any mistakes. Been there, done that.

I just got an offer today from a friend of mine that is going to help me through this once tough time. She just learned that I have made it 70 days eating strict Paleo. She is challenging me to 100 days, and completing the next 30 days with me (Nov. 1st to Dec 1st). Then, we are going to celebrate with a Paleo dinner at the end of the 30 days! She knows my ultimate goal is 365 days, but hey, if this makes 30 of them go by faster/easier, I'm all for it! How cool is that? Like I said before, I learned that I can't do this alone. I'm taking all the help I can get. She says I'm helping her as well, so its a win-win. The chef bf deluxe has also thought up an entirely Paleo friendly Thanksgiving menu, which wasn't hard, at all. The funniest thing ever might have been when he announced the menu to his parents (who look forward to Thanksgiving every year like no other) and the looks on their faces. Disappointment doesn't quite capture it. Whatev's, he's my family now beeotches!

Tomorrow I'll have my November 1st update for you, and then the focus is getting to day 100!

297- Sunday Dinner

2011-10-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

This was our pre-pumpkin carving meal today- bbq spareribs courtesy of this recipe a quick cole slaw made with cider vinegar, and steamed broccoli with grass fed butter.

If I ever open a Paleo restaurant, those ribs are going on the menu for sure!

298- Ode to Bacon

2011-10-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

You make everything better

From steak to brussel sprouts to water

Everyday that starts with you is a good day

Makes me wonder why every day doesn't start that way?

If it wasn't for you eating Paleo would suck

Thankfully all of us cave-people emulators are in luck

Natural, pasture raised, antibiotic and hormone free,

Damn its good to be me!

299- Worst Enemy

2011-10-28T15:25:00.000-07:00

I used to seriously overestimate how much control I had over my body, and specifically my biochemistry. I used to think that cravings were a flaw in myself, and that they were just the way I was. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my body- what I was eating that was wrong for me, what the underlying causes for my cravings were, how much exercise I needed- etc. I thought I knew this stuff because of years of trial and error. Yet I was ridiculously overweight, and kept making the choices I thought were right, to no avail.

I know what you all are thinking- here comes another Paleo plug. Well, yes and no. Paleo taught me that I didn't know anything that I thought I knew about health and losing weigh. It also created a problem in that I suddenly didn't know anything. I started reading all the paleo information I could get my eyes on- Robb Wolf, Mark Sisson, Gary Taubes, Loren Cordain, just to name a few of the big players in the Paleo world. I soon learned that everything I have been told up until that point regarding exercise, nutrition, health, and weight loss was severely misinformed, and in many cases downright wrong.

I know people are going to believe what they believe. I know everyone thinks they know best. But its so frustrating when I read about people doing hours of cardio and wondering why they can't maintain the weight they lost by doing cardio. I read about people restricting their fat, red meat, calories, etc. and still struggling. Calories in, calories out, right?!

We do not know the things that control us. We can not say something doesn't trigger us to crave, or make us hold onto weight. Worst of all, the majority of the time, we are our own worst enemies if we go on thinking that we know everything and don't do research or experiment with eliminating foods/changing the way we exercise/eating more fat etc. Maybe the best advice someone could have given me before I discovered paleo was to just do the exact opposite of what I thought I knew.

300- Love/Hate

2011-10-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

Three Oh Oh. Damn. Tomorrow I will be in a new century of days left in this challenge. In honor of this glorious occasion, I'm going to celebrate by making a list of things that I would either LOVE to have 300 of, or HATE to have 300 of. You have to guess which is which:

1) puppies

2) dollars

3) pairs of shoes

4) grey hairs

5) kids

6) coach bags

7) cupcakes

8) blog followers

9) days of sun per year in Seattle

10) dollars to spend at Lululemon

301- DL PR

2011-10-26T20:05:00.001-07:00

Everyone that does crossfit has their favorite exercises. These are usually the exercises one is best at, or one realizes they have a knack for. One of my favorite exercises is deadlifts. They didn't start out being my favorite, but they quicly rocketed up to the top of the list when I realized I was a) somewhat good at them, and b) you get to load up a whole lot of weight and feel badass dropping it from waist level.

Yesterday, I peeked to see what the workout was going to be today, since I was contemplating skipping due to soreness and super BUSY CRAZY schedule. Of course, the workout had to be deadlifts- aka my fave, and therefore unmisable (real word?). So, like a good girl addicted to the crack that is crossfit, I made a plan as to how I could get my deadlifts in on my busy day.

The bf deluxe was in need of the car, so that means I'd need to run the 0.5 miles to and from the gym. The other problem is shoes- I need to bring my lifting shoes, but can't run in them. Yeah, I'm sure I looked nuts running downtown towards my gym holding a lifting shoe in each hand. Those suckers are heavy, btw! I literally got stopped at every possible railroad and stoplight, turning my 0.5 mile warmup jog into a chilly hurry up and wait fest.

I had a goal in mind about where I wanted to end up today with my deadlifts, and I MADE it! We were looking for our 3 rep max (meaning the weight that you can still do 3 reps unbroken) and I got 200 lbs! My last 1 rep dead lift max was 205#, so I'm thinking I could easily be up to 225# for a 1 rep max. Awesome! My jog back to work felt great, and I didn't get stopped by any trains. Yay for deadlift PR's!

302- Nothing Gets By Him

2011-10-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

After I sprained my ankle in July, I was anxious to get back to the gym. As soon as I ditched my crutches and could put a reasonable amount of weight on my ankle, I returned, figuring I could do upper body stuff. My ankle made some big progress leaps in the beginning, and I thought I was walking normal.

Upon arriving at the gym, I would get out of my car, walk as normally as I could muster, only to be confronted with "are you limping?" from the trainer. Usually, I was, but not by any amount noticeable. It was almost disturbing how observant he was.

My calves are super sore from Sunday's run, being that it was the longest I've run since June, and I'm really trying to work on my POSE technique. Also, the NB Minimus aid in helping my POSE, furthering the use of my calves. So, all of yesterday, I was hobbling around the office, trying to stretch my calves out in anticipation for the brutal workout sure to come, and nothing was working. No one at my office said anything about the way I was walking, so I just figured I was doing a good job of concealing it!

I get out of my car at the gym and immediately, trainer says "are you limping?" I had to laugh. I wasn't fooling anyone, and I love being part of a facility that notices the teeniest, tiniest nuances in my stride.

303- Light bulb Moments

2011-10-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

Often we hear about overweight/unhealthy people that have some sort of "lightbulb moment." It becomes the motivation to start on a new plan of their choosing. Usually for me, these moments consist of something that causes me to be suddenly aware of my size or my inability to do something that others around me are doing. Other examples would be people seeing an unrecognizable photo of themself, or having a health scare. Whatever the lightbulb moment is, it serves as a reality check sometimes fleeting, other times permenant.

Something I realized this past weekend is that these moments happen frequently, but whether or not they are a lightbulb moment is determined by the outcome of the event. This past weekend I spent with 4 other girls who are all very slim. We hiked, we shopped, we ate, it was all very relaxing and nice. On Sunday one of the girls mentioned she would like to head out for a run. This of course prompted other girls to chime in and say they should go as well. Before I knew it, we were all headed out on a run.

A few years prior, this is the type of thing that would have scared the crap out of me. Whaaa wha whatt?? An impromtu run? Who does that? I would have thought. I would have contemplated in my head how to get out of it, and then caved with the pier pressure and gone. Or I would have been totally delusional about how much "running" I had been doing at that time, and agreed to go along. Either way, it would have been a wake up call as to just how out of shape/out of touch I was with my own self and the person I wanted to be as I could barely breathe 4 minutes into the run, and would have to walk. I've always wanted to be a person that can just do whatever. Whatever the moment requires. Whether its hiking up a mountain, an unplanned swim in a lake, or in this case a run with the girls, I want to be able to do it.

Yesterday, I'll admit, I was not thrilled with the idea of going for a run because normally Sunday's are rest days for me, and I haven't tested my ankle on any sort of distance. But I agreed without any panic. I knew that my sessions at CrossFit and my strict Paleo eating have been preparing me for just this type of thing. The reason why this was not a lightbulb moment for me is because I was ready for this. I was capable of holding my own on the run. I wasn't the fastest, but I wasn't the slowest either. I got in a great morning workout, and learned that my ankle is just fine.

Most of all, I realized that life is full of these piviotal moments that you are either ready for, or they make you see how you need to improve. I feel very fortunate to be on the other side of the fence on this occasion. I'm looking forward to noticing more of these could-have-been-a-lightbulb-moment-but-not-any-more-moments.

304- I Can't Do It Alone

2011-10-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my goals of health is to ask for help. I'm not a person that likes to ask for help. I've worked hard to be self-sufficient, and always saw asking for help as a sign of weakness. It wasn't until I realized that I was in way over my head and the battle I was facing with my body was not one I could wage alone that I started asking for help. I started asking friends to stop making plans to go out to eat places with me. I started asking people to do active things with me. And now that I'm with my bf-deluxe of 6+ years, he helps me more then I give him credit for.

Many nights he stays up to prepare my breakfast and/or lunch for the next day if he notices there are no leftovers because he knows how important it is for me to have something prepared (no plan=bad choices). He doesn't leave foods I'm choosing to avoid laying around the house (like candy bars and cakes or pies), and generally follows the same eating as me when he is with me. When he shops by himself, he religiously reads food labels and doesn't buy things that are off limits. He genuinely makes an effort to think of creative meals for me so that I don't get bored.

A regular gym/running outside plan wasn't working for me, so as I read up about CrossFit and saw that it was more of a group type thing, I was intrigued. Now I get essentially personal training in a group that makes me fell accountable. People actually notice if I'm not at the gym! That NEVER happened to me at Golds, and for sure none of my neighbors came knocking on my door when they didn't see me jog by that day!

I know now that having help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of intelligence.

305- Sixty!

2011-10-22T10:00:00.001-07:00

Today is day 60 SIXTY! Of my 365 day challenge. Just thought that was worth pointing out. I do believe that officially, this is my longest stretch of abstaining from sugar, grains, and legumes strictly so far. Not everyday is easy, but for the most part I'm feeling balanced. Just yesterday I was having dreamy thoughts of a toasted bagel with cream cheese. I imagined the crunchy exterior and doughy interior of a nice fresh bagel slathered with cream cheese. I remembered how I loved those, and could eat 2 maybe 3 in one sitting and still want more. They just taste so good! I reminded myself that bagels and cream cheese would not be going anywhere in the next 305 days, and I could certainly have one next August, if I still wanted to, that is. Now, one day later, I'm like huh? What was I thinking? I don't want a stupid fat storing, bloat causing, allergy inducing bagel anywhere near me. I've tried so hard these past few months ridding my body of that crap, why would I ever want to ruin this feeling? See? Balance.

I'm guessing that yesterday is not going to be the last time I have some crazy food day dream about something I once enjoyed frequently, but no longer can or want to. It seems to be that initially, or each time in the past I have started some form of diet or new eating plan, etc., I can put off limits foods out of my mind just by sheer determination and optimism for my new plan. The next phase is getting comfortable and allowing thoughts of those foods in, but still following my plan. The next phase is thinking that I can eat those foods like a person that doesn't have some sort of problem, and the next phase is, well...the initial one because I can not eat certain things like a person that doesn't have an issue with food.

I think the trick is to remain in phase 2 forever. Letting myself think about foods is fine, remembering how they taste/feel/etc. is fine, but just like anything else, the longer they stay out of my system, the less clear they will become. Soon the only thoughts that will swirl around in my head will be ones of me finding the optimal pre or post workout fuel, or how sweet broccoli can be. At least for the next 305 days, I won't be delusional and thinking I am comfortable enough to eat something that controls me. I know better, but sometimes I need to challenge myself to make sure it happens.

306- Girls Weekend

2011-10-21T17:25:00.001-07:00

I'm headed out to the lovely San Juan Islands for a little getaway with the girls. A month ago, the boys made a big deal about planning and flaunting their annual "man hike" so we decided to retaliate with a weekend of our own. Competitive? Nah. They all know that our weekend is going to be WAY better.

We decided to all take turns cooking a meal, so that way each person only has to think about and prepare one meal. Also, I'm not the only "paleo" eater attending the weekend getaway, so I don't have to worry about being the only one refraining from all things carby and sweet.

I'll be back on Monday with pictures and stories!

307- Heaven Week

2011-10-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks, new gym has been doing "themed" weeks. We had death by week, panic week, hell week, and we just finished heaven week. Heaven week was far from anything I would call heaven. It consisted of all 20 minute as many rounds as possible (AMRAP) workouts. Three days straight of these suckers.

Its funny, when I first started crossfit a little over a year ago, I was confused by the workouts that were 20 minutes or less. What? That's it? I soon began to realize that a 7 minute workout can kick my ass WAY more then a 30 minute run any day. So now, whenever I see 20 minute workouts on the board I grumble and think "thats soooo long!"

Today's AMRAP kicked ass. Well, at least I kicked ass. I finally was no longer sore from Monday, so I pushed myself like crazy. 1 round was: 10 push press (65#,) 10 pull-ups (I subbed jumping), 10 push-ups, 50m sprint. My goal was to complete 6 rounds. I completed 6 rounds and got through 10 pull-ups into round 7. I was pretty excited. I felt strong and solid throughout the whole workout. I was push pressing more weight then 1/2 the guys during my class. Hot cop trainer always followed my name with "perfect."

Needless today say, after Heaven week, tomorrow is a well deserved rest day!

308- It Just Makes Sense (to me)

2011-10-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

When I first heard about the Paleo Diet, it just made sense to me. It made sense to me on a deeper level then any other calorie in/calorie out diet had in the past. The more I researched, the more involved I got in the science behind what is actually happening in a body, and how abuse of foods that raise your blood sugar (cause you to release excess insulin) REGARDLESS OF CALORIES are to be avoided at all costs.

All those times I thought I was being a champ by drinking diet coke, I was tricking my body into releasing insulin (hence storing fat). A Diet Coke has 0 calories you say? Well, just the mere sensation of something sweet makes your brain think its time to release insulin. All those times I thought I was doing myself a huge favor by putting splenda in my latte- I was tricking my body into releasing insulin. All those times I thought I was being so good by eating tons of fruit- I was making my body respond with an overdose to my system of insulin. Once I learned that managing insulin is the key to shedding fat from my frame, everything I thought I knew about weightloss was blown out of the water. It was soon very clear that I needed to completely change the way I think about food/nutrition/health/exercise/lifestyle.

So I did. I jumped head first into the Paleo thing without thinking twice. I wanted to see for myself if this was something that held any merrit. I never focused on what I couldn't eat (which, in hindsight is really weird because that's always the first thing people mention-what they can't have). In fact, I started my whole journey by making a list of what I COULD eat. By my first 8-10 days I was sold. I knew I was onto something good and right for me. Something different, and most importantly, something that gave me results like I had never seen. Who doesn't like results?

Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm some superhero and that after trying Paleo for those first 30 days I stuck with it up until now. You can take one look at me and know that did not happen. Instead, I fell off the wagon a few times. I got back on, felt great, and fell off. A complete alteration of lifestyle does not happen in 30 days, nor does it happen in one year. But I can honestly say that today I'm in a much different place then I was a year ago because I kept at it. Everytime I fell off the wagon, I'd get back on.

Now, 50+ days into my one year challenge with myself, each day that I choose to eat real foods and little to no sugar gets easier. I no longer question if eating so much fat is healthy- drinking fat free calorie free diet coke made me fat! I no longer question if I go a week without eating a piece of fruit is healthy- fruit made me fat! I no longer question my lack of whole grains and legumes. I know that anything that can make me feel this good all the time, give me endless energy, excellent sleep so that I wake up before my alarm, make my clothes loose, make me rock my workouts, abolish my cravings, and has me not wanting to change ONE DAMN THING has to be healthy for me.

I needed to change. I knew the path I was headed down over a year and a half ago was not leading to a good destination. I kept an open mind, and listened to my body. After years of looking, I found something that made sense to me. If you are following a diet or lifestyle plan that doesn't make sense to you, my only question is: Why?

309- Mid-month update

2011-10-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

I know its a little more then 1/2 way through October, but I just wanted to update you (and mostly ME) on how I'm doing with my goals for the month:

October Goals:

- Continue to eat real foods (meat, vegetables, fruit, nuts, sometimes dairy) YES.

- Work on kipping swing everyday I'm at a gym YES.

- Supplements everyday! NO. Need to work on this.

- Work on box jumps (ankle allowing) YES

Like I've mentioned before, I'm pretty happy with how things have been going lately. I continue to feel great, perform really well during my workouts, and in general get more done (at work, at home, everything).

Today as I was getting ready to head out to the gym, I smelled BBQ in the office. Damn. My kryptonite. As I was headed out the door, my nostrils were confirmed- the lady at the front desk informed me there was BBQ next door. Eh, I'm headed to the gym I said. She replied "you're so gooooood!"

Well, actually, I've got years of being bad to make up for. And, honestly? We get a lot of BBQ at work. I'll get it next time. Oh, and it probably helped that I had pork in my lunch. Ha!

If you are ever curious about how my normal days break down, check out my daily food/exercise log. I update it every couple of days.

310- Water

2011-10-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

I nearly forgot about this little gem of a story until today as I was finishing up my 5th 10oz bottle of water. When I was home last weekend, I was getting ready for bed on the first night. It was 11 o'clock at night, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for hours. I peeled back the comforter, and then from across the house, I heard my mom yelling my name.

Anytime my mom yells my name from the other side of the house all the memories from when I lived in that house come rushing back- uh-oh, what did I do now? Did I leave a dirty dish in the sink? Was I supposed to get the clothes from the dryer? Of course I yell back, and ask her what she wants. "What have you had to drink today?" "Drink some water. You haven't drank enough today."

What? I'm 32. My mom is making a big production about how much water I did or didn't drink at 11pm. I wasn't thirsty. I drank water all day, wasn't she watching me? Its amazing how I can be away from my mom's house 99% of the year and not shrivel up from dehydration!

311- No Money= Creativity

2011-10-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I go through kicks where I feel like I'm being super wasteful, and I force myself to use everything in the fridge and cupboards before I go shopping again. After I did this a few times, I not only realized that I would shop better, and save money, but I came up with some REALLY good meals.

Yesterday was no exception to this. I needed to eat breakfast, but my normal breakfasty foods were not in the house. Forcing myself to use everything in my fridge/cabinets before replenishing, I stared at the fridge for a good 5 minutes before I had a curious thought. What if I used roasted squash in place of banana in my "Paleo Pancakes?" I had egg, almond butter, so why not try squash?

The result? Amazing! Even better then the banana-egg-almond butter version! I bet I could even use this same technique with pumpkin, or yam!

Savory Delicata Squash Paleo Pancakes
1 small delicata squash roasted
1 egg
1 tbsp almond butter
1 tbsp coconut flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp sea salt

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl, if mixture is on the thicker side, thin it out with a little cream or coconut milk to get desired pancake consistency. Cook in a buttered pan over medium low heat, just like regular pancakes. Top with grass fed butter and berries.

312- Book Cover

2011-10-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

Caught in the middle. That's the best way to describe how I feel right now. I'm bearing the scars of years upon years of bodily abuse. Yet that life is over for me. I've found a way to eat and live that works for me, and I know it to my very core. I know now this is the way I'm going to live the rest of my life. In the terms of my lifetime, I've only been practicing what is best for me for a blink of an eye. The internal changes that I have undertaken in the past few months are going to take years before they manifest into a badge of honor and wellness I can wear on the outside.

You see, I want to be someone that a stranger can look at and without knowing one thing about me, I want it to be clear that I do right by my body. Looking at me there would be no question that I live the kind of lifestyle that makes my muscle tone defined, my skin glow, and every move effortless and comfortable. I'm not there yet. My head is there, however, my body is not.

I realized my middle status when I was at my staff meeting last week, and a bunch of people were making plans to run in the morning. They were heading out for an easy 5K. All the people that you would look at and expect that they keep active were invited. No one invited me (not in a rude way, just in a not knowing me way). I get it. I do not look like a person that wakes up at 6:30am and runs. But I want to. I have finally figured out the words between the book cover so it can be judged. You can best be sure that at next year's staff meeting I will be on that run, if not leading it, and it will surprise no one, not even me.

313- Anti-Flu Shot

2011-10-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I've always been anti-flu shot. Something about it just never made sense or seemed right to me. I was never one to get sick often. One, maybe two colds a year. I sort of feel that the occasional cold is necessary to build up the immune system. I always know when I'm coming down with one, and they are always mostly the same. Sniffles, aches, cough for a few days, done. My life would be slowed down for 4-5 days, missing the gym, work or both for sleep.

The flu shot...is that for colds? I've heard stories about people getting the shot and then coming down with the worst sickness of their life (my mom and new co-worker to name a few). If I never get the flu, why would I get a flu shot? Just cause they are free at work, or hundreds of people line up outside Walgreens to get one for $5?

Its been awhile since I've had a cold. I mentioned a week ago that the bf came down with a horrible one. For a few days, I felt like I was coming down with a cold, but it never materialized. Then it hit me...my diet. I've been so good for the past 52 days. I was exposed to the cold, and technically, I did catch it, but my symptoms were barely noticeable. How incredible is life going to be when the only thing that did slow me down before (the occasional cold) is no longer able to slow me down?!

Eating the foods my body was designed to eat makes my body perform how it is supposed to perform. What a concept!

314- Paleo on the Road

2011-10-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

It can be done. It is possible. Living out of a hotel for 3 days relying on restaurants or other catered food that I have no control over is not an optimal situation. My plan was to be optimistic that there would always be something available to me. If a meal situation came up where there were no options for me, I would pass and find something on my own at a later time. Luckily for me, none of those situations presented themselves.

Like I said before, things are different this time. Making the correct choices has become second nature. I don't even notice what I'm "missing" anymore. This is just the way I eat. Meat, vegetables, some fruit, nuts, and that is it.

318 through 315

2011-10-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

318- Home
I did not take a laptop with me, so blogging was not an option while I was visiting home or during my staff meeting. I just could not bring myself to blog on my iPhone. Going home, is a funny thing. I call it home because its where I grew up. However, now, I'm just a visitor. Everyone there has their own lives, and it doesn't matter how much history is there, I am not part of the current events. And its weird.

317- Awesome Mom Quotes
Mom drove me over to the east bay so I could meet up with my boss (who was playing golf) and then head up to Sacramento for my staff meeting. As we were sitting in the golf club house bar waiting to meet them, my mom grabs her bicep and says "I pretty much have Madonna arms."

316- Presentation
I spent weeks preparing a presentation for the staff meeting. Conceptualizing, performing calculations, excel spreadsheeting, making my power point, etc. I was hoping to have some time to rehearse during the 1.5 hour car ride to my meeting. That did not happen. I was hoping to have some time to rehearse when I checked into my room. That did not happen. I'm big on practicing before speaking. If I don't have at least one good run-through, I get nervous. Upon getting to the hotel at 11pm, I set the alarm for 5am, so I could practice.

I was incredibly nervous all morning as I waited for the day to pass, I wasn't up till after the lunch break. We broke for lunch and my boss came over for a quick pep talk. I must have looked really bad for him to do that! I had a few minutes left after eating to do a quick practice run in my room. Finally I had the rehearsal I needed to know everything was going to be ok. Once I started talking, all nervousness went away and I delivered my presentation. I felt confident being in front of everyone, knew my material, and then, it was over. I could relax. Everyone, people I didn't even know came up afterwards and told me I did a great job. What a good feeling.

315- Small Spaces
Day two of the staff meeting was a site visit to an active construction site. Outfitted in PPE, 30 or so people wandered about. We walked into an old brick warehouse that was recently restored. The leaders of the tour walked over to a huge sliding door and tried to open it so we could get to another part of the warehouse. The door barely budged, leaving an opening that seemed too small for anyone but a child to eek through. One by one, people started filtering through. I got nervous- would I fit? There was a girl in front of me that was shorter then me, and on the heavy side, but it was really impossible to tell if she was bigger then me or not. She was larger then anyone that had been through so far. As she approached the door, two of the leaders pulled as hard as they could to make an additional 2 inches, and she squeezed through brushing both sides of the opening. I approached the opening, the two leaders let go of the door and I moved through without touching any part of the opening. Really? Did that actually just happen?

On a related note, when I got home after my trip, bf deluxe asked me if my boobs were getting smaller. Leave it up to him to point out the downside of fat loss.

319- Airplanes

2011-10-08T18:11:00.001-07:00

Everytime I fly, I play this ridiculous game where I grab both ends of the seatbelt, and without adjusting them, try to buckle it. This of course, in my head is some indicator of whether or not I'm "fat." It doesn't matter that the person before me could have been ginormous, or super petite. I'm just gathering data, because in general, I fly a lot. My thinking is that if I have to let the seatbelt out the majority of the time, I'm not doing so hot, size wise. However, if I can buckle it without adjusting more often then not, I'm somehow "average." Nuts, I know.

Anyway, today I was reminded of how awesome airports are. I mean, where else in the world can you see so many different people from all walks of life, in one place, passing through? I like to make up stories for the odd people I see...hawaiian shirt, tan, and flip flops? Just got back from a sunny place. Sequin baseball hat, ridiculously oversized purse, and maybe a small dog? Headed to Vegas. The couple with the tiny baby in the carrier? Going to see the grandparents for the first time. This game keeps me entertained as I wait for my flight, during my flight, and when I make my way to the baggage claim via the longest walk through the terminal of people, bathrooms, and fast food restaurants.

On an unrelated note, (I told you yesterday to expect nonsense...) I picked up some awesome deals at Banana Republic today! I got 2 shirts and a pair of pants for $49!!!

So, I'm in California visiting my mom this weekend before I go to a meeting for work next week starting Tuesday. My mom is notorious for saying awesome stuff. I've been here about 6 hours, and my favorite one so far? We were in Macy's and we walked by the evening dresses. My mom asks if I want to start looking for my sisters maid of honor dress. So, as we are walking through the dresses, my mom says, "I want you to know, I'm going to look stunning at your wedding. But don't worry, I'm not going to show you up or anything, I won't wear a bikini." True story.