Thursday, June 12, 2014

Oh, Look, a Toilet

Anyone else restrict their water drinking after squat day so they don't have to use the bathroom as much?  No...just me?  Ok...moving on.
Being a mom is hard.  It is not hard for any of the reasons I thought it would be though.  I always thought watching your kid, feeding your kid, changing diapers, clothing changes, disciplining; you know, general child care would be hard.  No.  The hard part is everything else.  Even when you are not physically caring for your child, you are still caring- thinking about schedules, milestones, development, sleep, and general well-being of your child.  Mom's have to do it all.  There are no breaks, no times when we get to slack off or check out (silly me thought I would get a break when baby is sleeping). 
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for anything, I just find this whole experience to be fascinating.  Things that are so OMG stressful and difficult and end of the world one day, are literally forgotten the next with a simple smile or babble from a tiny human.  I have no idea how it works.  I have to force myself to remember that there have been tough times.  Then, 3 hours later in the midst of a 20 minute over-tired scream fest, I can be back to questioning everything - am I doing something wrong?  Is there something wrong with my child?  How am I going to make it through this?  THIS. IS. HARD.  Magically, the 20 minutes of screaming (which is really an eternity) is forgotten seconds after tiny human falls heavy and deep into sleep.  If I didn't experience it myself, I would never believe it to be possible. 
I am amazed every day that somehow, someway, I create time to do it all.  The more I do, the more I do.  Yesterday, after 7 hours of sleep, I went to the gym located in the back room of my office and got in a 30 minute heavy lifting session before starting work at 5:30am.  I completed everything on my work to-do list and was bored by 11am.  Hubby met me at 1:30 to pass the kid off, and home we went.  We walked to the grocery store (3mi roundtrip), I watered the garden, I made dinner, loaded the dishwasher, emptied the diaper pail garbage, switched laundry, folded laundry, ate dinner while watching the baby eat some solid food, watched 30 minutes of OITNB while baby napped, put baby to bed, and packed up all my bags/lunches for the next day before retiring to bed at 8pm.  Oh, and there were diaper changes, bottles, and clothing changes sprinkled in as well.  I know, #humblebrag, right?  That is not my intention.  I'm just documenting for my own re-assurance. 
This morning I woke up with a little less sleep, didn't hit the work place gym, and have been at work for 3 hours with only a few replied-to e-mails under my belt.  I can't stop thinking that I'm not doing enough.  I haven't read a book to my baby in 3 days.  He needs to practice more with solid foods, and right now he only eats them sporadically.  Will he sleep better if he eats more real food?  Am I starving my baby?  It's bath night for him.  I need a shower.  The floors haven't been vacuumed in 4 days.  Kid is biting everything.  Is he going to be one of those weird biting kids?  I need to change his crib sheet, I think he peed on it a little last night.  Oh, and all his clean clothes are in a pile.  I need to put them away.  I should be getting these revised documents to my boss.  I'm hungry.  How can I be hungry?  I just had breakfast.  Oh, I'm going to make enchiladas for dinner tonight with the left-over chicken breast in the fridge.  Do I have vegetables?  Do I need to go to the store on the way home?  No.  We have salad.  I'm off schedule this week on my triathlon training.  I won't get to swim this week, and I haven't run any distance in a week.  I'll run today with the kid when I get home.  Then I'll read to him.  And make dinner.  And feed him some solids.  And give him a bath. And take a shower.  And hope that he sleeps well.  And hope that I sleep well.  Weights again tomorrow morning at 5am. I really need to get something done here today. 
Jesus.  I'm crazy.